Scribe’s List of Demands From the NHL and the Kings, In Addition to an Apology

I have put together a list. I suggest you do too. The NHL wants to apologize to me? The LA Kings want to as well? That’s nice. Not good enough. You put me through sheer hell. That comes with a price.

These are my list of demands.

- John Hoven will be hired as the L.A. Kings Insider. I had to suffer for how many years through Rich Hammond? I curse far too much, Surly can’t write a paragraph without inserting an analogy about a female body part, clearly the best and most logical choice is John. He is a journalist, he has great hockey acumen and he has paid his dues.

- I want to know exactly how drunk Quickie was at the parade. How many beers did he have, what beer was he drinking and how did he stop? Did he just…pass out? This is important to me.

- David Courtney’s voice will forever announce the team’s entrance onto the ice. “Ladies and Gentleman, your Los Angeles Kings!” will be David and David only.

- For one day each year, during the season or playoffs, Surly and I are given full control of the L.A. Kings Twitter account.

- Our reader, Tuan Jim, attends each year’s Ice Crew calendar photo shoot and has final word on the girls’ poses.

- Our S&S logo is adopted as the official third jersey…of the Manchester Monarchs. Hey, I am trying to keep this realistic here.

- Each time Surly starts with the DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN, the L.A. Kings organist joins in. Every damn time.

- I get full and final word on the music selection at Staples Center during ten L.A. Kings home games for this and next season (yes, correct, to Surly’s horror).

- My Scribe number 9 jersey is hung from the rafters after I die…I am negotiable on this one.

- I get twelve minutes alone with Gary Bettman, just the two of us, no questions asked, full prosecutorial immunity. I will only need 11 of them.

You got a list of demands? Let’s hear them.



Categories: Surly & Scribe Humor

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6 replies

  1. My hope is that the Kings do not “stick it to us” non season seat holders with crazy high face values for opening day. I want to see the banner raised without paying an obscene face value ticket price. I bought a ticket on ticketmaster for game six 6/11/12 that was $700 FACE VALUE! I’m still glad I was there, but geesh!

  2. Don’t forget to ask for a freeze on all current sth ticket prices for entire length of the new cba. That is all

  3. Replica of Stanley Cup given out to everyone who attends the first game….I am thinking full size here and in sterling silver….EXACT replica! No silly useless key chain or fanfold piece of paper. I don’t think that is too much to ask?

    Wait let me add free tickets to Frozen Fury in Vegas next year!

    That’s all!

  4. My list of demands:
    60% off the official store for one week

    Hire me as an intern in two seasons when I graduate college

    An opportunity to follow around any current King (of my choosing for one day)

    50% off on beer next season (stupid drinking laws)

    Seems fairly reasonable. I liked some of yours too. Specifically, John hired as beat writer and David Courtney indroductions.

  5. … I just posted here to say I concur with the TJ demand. Give that guy what he needs.

    As for me, I just demand that they play hockey. I’m not too hard to please.

  6. I wish I had thought of it as soon as the lockout started and acted accordingly.
    I should have created a list of teams owners and their other business’ so we could try to rally a boycott. (Website with info, whom to boycott and hurt)

    I think it would be the only way they could feel the hurt. (assuming we could have rounded up support/following) Only because they “claim” losses, so obviously this is not their main source of income.

    They need to kick back to the business’ and workers they have hurt.
    The fans will recover, we always do. But the lives the NHL/Owners fucked in the process cannot be undone for the low wage workers.

    Also Buttman has to go. NOW!

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