Scribe’s List of Demands From the NHL and the Kings, In Addition to an Apology
I have put together a list. I suggest you do too. The NHL wants to apologize to me? The LA Kings want to as well? That’s nice. Not good enough. You put me through sheer hell. That comes with a price.
These are my list of demands.
- John Hoven will be hired as the L.A. Kings Insider. I had to suffer for how many years through Rich Hammond? I curse far too much, Surly can’t write a paragraph without inserting an analogy about a female body part, clearly the best and most logical choice is John. He is a journalist, he has great hockey acumen and he has paid his dues.
- I want to know exactly how drunk Quickie was at the parade. How many beers did he have, what beer was he drinking and how did he stop? Did he just…pass out? This is important to me.
- David Courtney’s voice will forever announce the team’s entrance onto the ice. “Ladies and Gentleman, your Los Angeles Kings!” will be David and David only.
- For one day each year, during the season or playoffs, Surly and I are given full control of the L.A. Kings Twitter account.
- Our reader, Tuan Jim, attends each year’s Ice Crew calendar photo shoot and has final word on the girls’ poses.
- Our S&S logo is adopted as the official third jersey…of the Manchester Monarchs. Hey, I am trying to keep this realistic here.
- Each time Surly starts with the DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN, the L.A. Kings organist joins in. Every damn time.
- I get full and final word on the music selection at Staples Center during ten L.A. Kings home games for this and next season (yes, correct, to Surly’s horror).
- My Scribe number 9 jersey is hung from the rafters after I die…I am negotiable on this one.
- I get twelve minutes alone with Gary Bettman, just the two of us, no questions asked, full prosecutorial immunity. I will only need 11 of them.
You got a list of demands? Let’s hear them.