Angry? Kick The Dog – Kings @ Coyotes Game Talk

*Ring* *Ring* (I haven’t figured out yet how to put the Beverly Hills Cop theme as my ringtone on my iPhone) *Ring* *Ring*

(Swipe)

“Hello?”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Write a prayer. The hockey gods are angry.”

“For you Bobby, well… For you very little, but for the hockey gods, sure. Now leave me alone. I’m trying on shoes and am very confused.”

(end)

Our Kings, whose fans art upset, hallowed be thy game
Thy wins need come, else our wills may be done,
In this season, like it was in the 45 before last.
Give us this game some fucking goals, and forgive no Doan its ugly face,
As we don’t forgive the shit he pulled last May,
And lead us not to a 4th loss,
But deliver us from suckage,
Amen

Here are the Hockeywood group of yo-yo’s predictions (link to come). I said Kings win 4-1, which they will, because hey, this is me talking.

I suppose I should exert a small amount of effort on this post.

The Coyotes offense has been potent, scoring 15 goals in their first four games. Expect that trend to stop. Despite such a high goal total, they are 1-3 to start their season because, surprise surprise, Mike Smith ain’t shit, same as he was before last year. Cinderella season go by-by, the impudent shmuck has a save percentage of .836 in three starts, one of which he didn’t play well enough to finish. Based off nothing more than a cursory look at a stats sheet, it would appear the Coyotes suck because their top forwards can’t play defense, speedy little shits though they are, and their depth on defense is more pitiful than ours despite its health.

Speaking of health, the Coyotes lost Matt Lombardi to an upper body injury, so that’s one less stupid face on the ice.

I didn’t look up anything about the Kings. I just want to watch the damn game, since I finally can, having missed the last two.

So just remember, when the Kings win their first game of the season tonight, you’re welcome.

GO KINGS GO!



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , ,

33 replies

  1. Amen.

  2. Aside… Do you think Doan & Brownie will drop the gloves tonight, based on how things got left back in the Conference Finals last year? I think I might like to see that.

    • I think it will be a very ‘active’ game and their weill be fights ,but not Brown, that’ s not what he does. Maybe Nolan, he’s pretty capable.

      • That’s not to say Doan won’t try and instigate something, though. Brownie’s not a fighter. No, he lets his hip-check do the talking. I just think back to the handshake line last year and the words exchanged. Something tells me Doan and his wounded vagina have been stewing all summer…. and fall…. and winter about this.

        • Brown and Doan have fought before. In fact, they fought in the regular season last year when a game turned ugly, they just kind of figured, we’re the captains, I guess we gotta settle it.

    • I want Brownie on the ice racking up hits, goals and assists. Fuck Doan and his wounded vagina. There are creams he can take for that.

  3. Per Jim Fox, Gagne in lineup tonight, Penner still in the doghouse.

    I think tempers will flare and it will be a busy game in the penalty box. But the Kings will get the W.
    And maybe, just maybe a miracle, that is an actual PP goal…

  4. The sweetest words to ever roll off someones tongue “Jason LaBarbera” is the remedy to cure what ails the Kings.

    Ahh it was Dec 26, 2011 and we took a family trip to Staples to see the Kings vs Coyotes. I had my brother and sister in-law here from Brantford Ontario, and my sister and nephews from Reno, even my mom came out with us.

    Now, the bro and sis in law had never been to a game at Staples, so this was a special treat. We got there at my usual time about the time the doors are open and you can head right now to the glass for warm-up. You see at the ACC you better have a glass seat or know someone who can get you down that close, otherwise you sit in your seats no exceptions.

    My nephews have never been to a hockey game so this was their 1st time, along with my sister. Now my mom, well she grew-up in Detroit for a good amount of time and my great grandfather was a big Red Wings and Tigers fan, so my mom had been to games at the old Olympia, but it had been 50+ years since he had been to a hockey game.

    When I found out Mike Smith was not in the lineup for Phoenix, I told my nephews we picked a great game to see the Kings who has recently replaced that other coach with Sutter.

    I bought seats behind the net the Kings attack twice a game Section 116 4th row so everyone had a good view of what I had predicted when I found out who was in net for Phoenix.

    Well my prediction was pretty accurate and JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYSOOOOOOOON was given the hook after 4 goals.

    I’m thinking the same thing happens again tonight.

    As for Brown vs Doan, not sure if Rosival no longer being with PHX is going to matter, but I know that Brown took out Klesla with a hard check last season, and right after the face off Doan and Brown were dancing on the ice.

    Go Kings Go!

  5. I believe Smith re-injured his labia in warm-ups on Wednesday. He is day to day.

  6. Its gunna be a fiesty game I think there gunna be quite a few penalties and alot of scrums and maybe a fight or 2. Of course the kings are gunna win 3-1

  7. That was a GOOD Prayer..you are on..time for our
    Boys to follow suite.
    GO KINGS GO!!!
    WWTC!!!

  8. Kings Haiku:
    Go Kings Go
    Plenty of Goals on Jason Labarbera
    Fuck Shane Doan

  9. For fucks sake… just get a win

  10. … It would very much anger the Church of Quick to have their lord and savior be outplayed by Jason LaBabs. For the sake of the Church, I hope that doesn’t end up being the case.

    I said Kings win 4-1

    … I don’t see the Kings scoring 4 goals, unless they’re playing a doubleheader tonight?

    Per Jim Fox, Gagne in lineup tonight, Penner still in the doghouse.

    … It’s coming more and more into focus with Darryl Sutter. He seems to not know who in the World to play right now. All I will say is it’s a damn good thing the Kings didn’t suffer any injuries on the road to the Cup last season.

  11. Hey all:

    If you’re not cheering for the Kings tonight than you can go FUCK YOURSELVES!

    For the rest of you:

    You can also go FUCK YOURSELVES! BWAHAHAAHAHA

  12. Does Labarbara have a picture of himself of his helmet?

  13. Hey! Is anybody watching this shit? Faggots! Kings doing okay but I still don’t see a ton of energy. Richards and Carter sorta suck. Nice save Quick!

  14. I have some stats for these stat researching homos:

    G:8 G:8 A:0 SPCT%:.999 FG%: 66 PTD: 12 INT: 7

    Name this player:

    3-1 Kings bitches!

  15. If I say fuck enough times will you guys think I’m cool? Not sure “fuck” belongs in any “prayer” but, I get it. You guys are trying to be hard. That said. Richards is a bum until that is, he starts putting a little mustard on those cute little “passes” he keeps trying to make and finishes hisnstridenlet alone a check or two. Liked Gags on the fourth line (for now) and wouldn’t mind seeing Pens get a chance at filling D. Kings spot for a game or two. Cliffy is over his skis a bit but, his wheels are turning and I’m glad he’s being rewarded for his efforts. Gotta figure out that PP and for love of god can we come out for the 3rd like we were expecting there to be 20 more minutes. Our boys are figuring it out and it won’t be long before we see them rolling 4 lines consistently with a little more than a goal or two to show for their efforts. GKG!

    • Richards is bum? Really??? Follow checkers or a sport you can understand.

      • “bum until” until being the operative word the there Sparkel Jets. Quality checkers reference BTW. It was almost as satisisfying as being accosted by the East Coast dick bag on the league URL. Until MR shows a bit more pop and a whole lot more of that game we both know he has……Yes he’s a bum. It’ll come to be sure but, until then…..meh.

    • Chris Rock said fuck all the fuckin time and that fucker ain’t fuckin cool, he fucking sucks. I wish it were that simple Harry.

      I suppose “fuck” belongs in a prayer about as much as an agnostic jew heathen belonged in catholic high school where he spent 4 years pissing off religion class teachers while being forced to learn to lord’s prayer he now parodies. So… It belongs very much, apparently. Or it doesn’t belong and we all just have to suck it up and deal with even though none of us are too pleased about it. Yeah… That’s probably the one.

      • Wow. You’re a bigger dick than I thought, and before you go all giddy with your “big dick
        ” and “that’s what she said” jokes know that I come (oops…more dick fodder) with nothing but love for my/our team and an appreciation of a forum that allows me to express said love freely…oppressive childhood aside of course. Sarcasm is a you’ll have her I suppose. I won’t hold it against you. Unless of course you ask me nicely. Night puddin.

        • I’ll bet I’m nicer than you think and yet surlier than the name insists.

          I’ll also bet you are new to this blog, considering you foist upon me the base wit of “that’s what she said” jokes. We are glad to have you, and hope you stick around. I just may surprise you.

          In the meantime, continue to say whatever the hell you feel like, but please do explain this sentence: “Sarcasm is a you’ll have her I suppose.”

          I’ve tried to imagine what word you forgot to type or which one your ‘smart’ device autocorrected. Or maybe its just 3am, but I don’t get it.

          • Curses! If only I was born with opposable thumbs. Being 6 Leffe’s deep didn’t help my cause either. It’s missing an “s” a single, lonely S. thanks for the stool Mr. Surly. I was getting tired of licking the window over at “Insider”. next rounds on me.

        • Being looked down upon for (imagined) “that’s what she said” jokes by the man whose handle means — and please correct me if I’m wrong here — hairy pubic hair wig. Friggin’ rich! Again, could just be a very unfortunate name for a kid whose parents were sick twisted fucks. (Yay! Now I’m is the kewl-est!)

          • Give the man a prize and a Merkin of his choice! Merkin’s…they’re not just for flea ridden 18th century hookers anymore. Get yours today! Seriously Greg. Nice pull on the merkin. GKG!

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