*Ring* *Ring* (I haven’t figured out yet how to put the Beverly Hills Cop theme as my ringtone on my iPhone) *Ring* *Ring*

(Swipe)

“Hello?”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Write a prayer. The hockey gods are angry.”

“For you Bobby, well… For you very little, but for the hockey gods, sure. Now leave me alone. I’m trying on shoes and am very confused.”

(end)

Our Kings, whose fans art upset, hallowed be thy game
Thy wins need come, else our wills may be done,
In this season, like it was in the 45 before last.
Give us this game some fucking goals, and forgive no Doan its ugly face,
As we don’t forgive the shit he pulled last May,
And lead us not to a 4th loss,
But deliver us from suckage,
Amen

Here are the Hockeywood group of yo-yo’s predictions (link to come). I said Kings win 4-1, which they will, because hey, this is me talking.

I suppose I should exert a small amount of effort on this post.

The Coyotes offense has been potent, scoring 15 goals in their first four games. Expect that trend to stop. Despite such a high goal total, they are 1-3 to start their season because, surprise surprise, Mike Smith ain’t shit, same as he was before last year. Cinderella season go by-by, the impudent shmuck has a save percentage of .836 in three starts, one of which he didn’t play well enough to finish. Based off nothing more than a cursory look at a stats sheet, it would appear the Coyotes suck because their top forwards can’t play defense, speedy little shits though they are, and their depth on defense is more pitiful than ours despite its health.

Speaking of health, the Coyotes lost Matt Lombardi to an upper body injury, so that’s one less stupid face on the ice.

I didn’t look up anything about the Kings. I just want to watch the damn game, since I finally can, having missed the last two.

So just remember, when the Kings win their first game of the season tonight, you’re welcome.

GO KINGS GO!