The Home Opener About A Hockey Game – Kings vs Canucks
My father used to say to me “Jacob, just ’cause you killed a pig don’t mean you’ve got bacon.”
Actually, I don’t think that was my father. It was a girl I dated from Kentucky… something to do with our lovemaking… we had just watched Deliverance, anyways, the point is that the Sedin brothers look like pig shit.
Or maybe it’s that one win isn’t enough. Sure we beat Phoenix and that was fun, but we’re still in the hole and it would be nice to beat a team that had its act together. I don’t know if that’s the Vancouver Canucks right now, what with their confused rotation in net where they are in love with the young hottie who gives a wicked handy – though that’s really just exuberance, she doesn’t actually know what she’s doing yet and you might get an Indian burn – but they feel kind of obligated to spend time with the high-priced-but-looking-grosser-by-the-minute hooker they paid for with the money that was supposed to go to little Danny’s birthday party, and at this point it’s not like any of your friends will take her, used and worn out as she is, but she’s stubborn as all hell and won’t just leave no matter how nicely you ask or how many times you yell at her in public. Anyhow, the Canucks played last night so hockey’s most expensive backup since CuJo will likely be in net tonight.
You are gonna hate me, but in that prediction panel I picked the Kings to lose 3-2. It doesn’t fully count though, since they made me decide on Friday, which is kind of cheating. I also said Mitchell will play, which he won’t, so rest easy that I know one less thing than everything. Maybe two.
Still, I foresee a damn good and intense game tonight. I think the Kings need an honestly lost game, not this blow it all up in the last 7 seconds crap, before they really flip the gears and decide to stop dicking around. I also predicted that after tonight we go on a 5 game winning streak. I’m OK with that starting tonight.
Hey, remember how we used to think the Red Wings were these big rivals of ours because we met in the playoffs a few times, even beat them one year, but really our teams had no business being mentioned in the same sentence and Red Wings fans looked at us like we were nuts? I now understand the confused look on those Red Wings fans faces.
Speaking of Vancouver fans, at this time I’d like to say a polite ‘hello’ to all the Asian folks in attendance tonight. Enjoy your replica Stanley Cup rings.
You wanted another prayer?
Hickory dickory ‘Nuck
Almost as bad as a Duck
Kings will be clutch
Burrows is a putz
Hickory dickory Nuck
Oh, I remember what my father used to say.
“Let’s kill these jerks!”