The Home Opener About A Hockey Game – Kings vs Canucks

My father used to say to me “Jacob, just ’cause you killed a pig don’t mean you’ve got bacon.”

Actually, I don’t think that was my father. It was a girl I dated from Kentucky… something to do with our lovemaking… we had just watched Deliverance, anyways, the point is that the Sedin brothers look like pig shit.

Or maybe it’s that one win isn’t enough. Sure we beat Phoenix and that was fun, but we’re still in the hole and it would be nice to beat a team that had its act together. I don’t know if that’s the Vancouver Canucks right now, what with their confused rotation in net where they are in love with the young hottie who gives a wicked handy – though that’s really just exuberance, she doesn’t actually know what she’s doing yet and you might get an Indian burn – but they feel kind of obligated to spend time with the high-priced-but-looking-grosser-by-the-minute hooker they paid for with the money that was supposed to go to little Danny’s birthday party, and at this point it’s not like any of your friends will take her, used and worn out as she is, but she’s stubborn as all hell and won’t just leave no matter how nicely you ask or how many times you yell at her in public. Anyhow, the Canucks played last night so hockey’s most expensive backup since CuJo will likely be in net tonight.

You are gonna hate me, but in that prediction panel I picked the Kings to lose 3-2. It doesn’t fully count though, since they made me decide on Friday, which is kind of cheating. I also said Mitchell will play, which he won’t, so rest easy that I know one less thing than everything. Maybe two.

Still, I foresee a damn good and intense game tonight. I think the Kings need an honestly lost game, not this blow it all up in the last 7 seconds crap, before they really flip the gears and decide to stop dicking around. I also predicted that after tonight we go on a 5 game winning streak. I’m OK with that starting tonight.

Hey, remember how we used to think the Red Wings were these big rivals of ours because we met in the playoffs a few times, even beat them one year, but really our teams had no business being mentioned in the same sentence and Red Wings fans looked at us like we were nuts? I now understand the confused look on those Red Wings fans faces.

Speaking of Vancouver fans, at this time I’d like to say a polite ‘hello’ to all the Asian folks in attendance tonight. Enjoy your replica Stanley Cup rings.

You wanted another prayer?

Hickory dickory ‘Nuck
Almost as bad as a Duck
Kings will be clutch
Burrows is a putz
Hickory dickory Nuck

Oh, I remember what my father used to say.

“Let’s kill these jerks!”



Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , ,

20 replies

  1. … According to Elliott: “Second straight day Willie Mitchell hasn’t skated. Sutter said he is not ‘a doctor or a psychologist’ and can’t explain. Up to Mitchell

    WELP.

  2. Ah yes Jacob….”let’s kill these jerks” is now a time honored tradition, and it makes me feel good knowing that after I’m gone you will still be screaming it. As to your “Deliverance” reference, I remember getting placed with Ned Beatty at Whitsett….Every time he went to bend down to get his ball out of the cup, he would anxiously look behind him before bending over to retrieve it. I guess he’s
    a method actor. I started standing behind him as often as I could, and when he saw me, I’d give him my best hillbilly smile. Good times!

  3. Remember when that punk bitch Burrows assaulted Kopi from behind like a punk bitch that he is and Kopi had to drop his gloves?

    I smell Burrows blood on the ice today! Something like this except the characters change:

    LETS GO KINGS!!!!!!!

  4. Look guys. Thing of it is, I was misquoted. I never said your sister had orange juice stains on her tits…..they just taste that way! I’ll take a limerick over a prayer I suppose. Either way your efforts are much appreciated. Kind of made me miss my dad and no joke I got a little misty. As to the business of the oldest profession. I always understood that you didn’t pay a hooker for sex. You paid her to leave. Poor Ned. If only Burt had gotten there sooner…~sigh~ Alright boys. Put in the full 60 and take the Sedin’s out to the wood shed. What you do when you get there of course is your business. Feels like the ship is being righted shift by shift and momentum is building. Kings 4-2 w/ an empty netter and a puckered balloon knot for the final 6 and some change. Oh and remember that horn after the second helping of orange slices and cookies is the start of the third period. GKG

  5. Well I hope you’re wrong about the score, but I appreciate your honesty.

    I’d rather see the nucks get fucked! Kopi looks like he’s running on all cylinders now, and when he’s on, we win.

  6. 2pts! it weren’t purdy but I’ve always been a fan of lipstick and pork. GKG points in 3 straight. I hear the train a comin’……

  7. Anyone else disappointed in the way Dwight played tonight ?

    • He looked slow but he never really was the fastest guy. He was playing in Manchester the whole time so you would think of all people he would be on top of his game.

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