I haven’t yet read Jacob’s pregame. He told me he predicted a Vancouver Canucks victory. I know, I know, what the fuck is wrong with him, right? He gets one final score right against the Edmonton Oilers and the Surly one thinks he is Nostradamus. Except Jacob sucks at it.

Maybe tonight’s victory against the Nucks will get Jacob to stop predicting losses and get back to what he is good at…references to female body parts weaved into dynamic prose.

How about this fucking team?

If Roberto Luongo was not sharp tonight, the Kings would have won this game by 3 to 4 goals. As it was, we damn near lost it despite outplaying Vancouver for the majority of the game and sustaining a lot of offensive zone time and pressure.

Thank the Hockey Gods for Jeff Carter.

It is so damn nice to have a true sniper.

As for Mike Richards, well, if you can’t say anything nice…

Incidentally, Alex Edler and Zack Kassian in the shootout? I am surprised, even in the shootout, Edler didn’t find a way to commit a turnover and cause the Kings to go the other way on a breakaway. And what the hell was Burrows doing on his shootout attempt? Would that have even counted if it went in? He stopped and skated backward before he shot it…the hell with them all.

The rings! Ah yes, the rings. For those who have not seen them, this is the ring the L.A. Kings gave away to every person in attendance. It’s metal…may be nickel.

LA Kings fan giveaway Stanley Cup ring

Pretty cool, right?

I have no damn idea why they handed them to Vancouver fans. Makes no sense. Unless it was to rub it in and make them cry. If that really was the motivation, then bravo. Somehow, I don’t think the Kings front office or marketing staff is that clever or thinks that far ahead.

I am a happy Scribe tonight. Beating the Vancouver Canucks is like banging your mortal enemy’s hot girl…twice…before she brings her younger sister for another go around.

My voice is hoarse and since I am not actually writing this article but speaking it into my phone, I will now bid you farewell.

Go Mother Sutting Kings!