Kings @ Coyotes – Cursing With Impunity In My Living Room

So there I am, sitting, minding my own business when this guy, all smiles, walks up to my nearly empty aisle and sits down next to Bobby. He grins his goofy grin, the kind that can only mean you aren’t going to like what he has to say, but god bless him he’s trying, and then he makes the mistake of opening his mouth.

“So I know you are having your fun and hey, I appreciate that!” he begins. “But there are lots of women an children around, so can you keep it down and please stop with the obscenities?”

Oh, this fucking guy. I’ve heard from this fucking guy before.

“First of all,” I says “there really aren’t any children near me, and secondly they are at a game where violence is cheered, so I don’t accept your flawed morality that my cursing, which I’m not doing much of, is the difference between this being a nice, wholesome evening for whatever children may hear me.”

Of course that answer, the one grounded in logic, means nothing to Chuckles, so he continues. On and on and on, same old shit. Bobby asks him if he is with his children.

“No.”

“Are you a season ticket holder?”

“Yes, but normally I sit downstairs.”

Ah, well that explains a lot.

Finally I agree, just to shut this incessant bobble head up, to not specifically curse to piss him off, which at this point I very much want to do, and perhaps be conscientious of what I say. No promises. Realizing that’s the best he’s gonna get, he grins that goofy fucking grin again and skips on town to his seats a few rows in front of me.

As he approaches his seat, he looks at me and points to something in the section next to ours.

“What?” I ask nicely.

“Look, there’s a kid right there, he can hear you.”

“Yes,” I replied, “but he’s wearing glasses so he doesn’t count.”

Having soundly won that argument, I smile my own goofy smile and return to watching the 200lb freak shows hit each other as hard and as often as they can. But not before I noticed the pile of molasses this dude is sitting next to, what I can only imagine is, in some cultures, referred to as a woman. The look on her face tells me she was spawned in a Petri dish and hasn’t finished growing.

About 5 minutes later I started a simple ‘Lets Go Kings!’ chant and Chuckles looked back and forced one last goofy grin as his silicon cur made him leave the game. I was happy to help.

Anyways, Phoenix in an hour. Fuck those guys! No idea whose starting for the Kings or who will be scratched outside of Toffoli and Richardson, who I highly doubt will play.

If you were ever thinking of visiting Glendale, Arizona, think something else instead.

They don’t like aliens at Jobing
I don’t mean the kind that do probing
Which is unfortunate for Doan
As in Phoenix he’s not alone
In having a stick up his ass that needs lubing.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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27 replies

  1. Frankly I think it’s rather insulting to women that they can’t handle cursing. I know woman who curse like sailors, and I love them.

  2. I have glass seats for the game tonight! Look for the 4 Kings fans taunting all of the coyotes “fans” on the boards! :D
    Already saw Sutter and Fraser, looked confident and calm. It’s time to whip up on these guys!

    • I believe they just showed you on TV after the Richards goal. Don’t be afraid to taunt Coyote fans as if we are winning.

      • Nice! I was with my parents, so I kept the cursing to a minimum, but I did taunt the coyotes players whenever there was a faceoff near us. And I did yell at quite a few fans, which they got quite offended over. I say it was mission accomplished even though we lost.

  3. “Ah, well that explains it all.”

    Snort.

  4. I wonder what Quick would do in that situation. “No cursing at a hockey game? What wrong with this fucking guy?” GO KINGS FUCKING GO!!!

  5. I recall one time at a game I was VERY drunk at Staples and was being decently obscene. There was a youngish (8-10 year old) with his dad who unbeknownst to me was mimicking almost everything I was saying. His father came up and kindly asked if I could be less profane and I did my very best (my girlfriend at the time was helpful in reminding me). Only after I calmed the profanity did I realize how much I’d likely taught him. In that instance The father was nice and the kid was right in front of me so it made sense. In other instances I just tell them to get over it, or say what they want to hear so they’ll leave and then continue on.

    In San Jose (which is sadly most of what I get to go to now) I yell at all those bastards and tell them exactly how I feel. I can’t wait to see them try to heckle on Thursday. I’m hoping for a huge win on Thursday and against the cheap whiny ‘yotes tonight.

  6. As a female in in your section ….you should have pushed him down the fucking stairs back to his downstairs land….keep up the in game chanting and discourage morons from blocking the view of the game which is what he was doing.

  7. When the FUCK did they start allowing children in my beloved 315?! Seriously, you should have gotten his name and started a “duhn duhn duhn” chant with his name in it. I do love that children with glasses don’t count, just like Ducks fans they aren’t real people.

  8. And this why I don’t like playing the same goalie back to back, never have. 3 goals on 15 shots. Kings look like 4 flat tires tonight. Who, if anyone, will get it going?

    • I was pretty upset when I saw him starting tonight. What the hell man.

      • … Darryl Sutter, man. I’m not saying the man is a bad head coach, but he really has no idea about handling goaltenders, at all. I was away all day yesterday, and when I saw that Quick got the start, I really didn’t want any updates on the game. I’m glad I didn’t get any.

        • The only goal I thought was bad was the last one, at which point we were already down by two, and while getting some momentum, were still very unlikely to win the game the way we and Smith were playing. Boedker’s two goals were lasers from the best shooting spot on the ice and Doan’s goal was unstoppable.

          Quick wasn’t great, but the team was getting beat up and down the ice left and right, every shift, for the majority of the game.

          That being said, it was fucking stupid not to start Bernier, even if him starting would have most likely still resulted in a loss.

  9. I suppose in retrospect it was a bit of a kennahura to categorize this game as one I’d be spending cursing at in my living room. At least my future telling skills are still sharp.

    • Surly….. Bubby…… You’re a lansman? My grandmother used to curse in Yiddish. I never knew what she was saying but you knew it was bad. It had this tone that just couldn’t be mistaken for anything but contempt. She went on and on at a guy who sneezed on her on the subway(from NYC) I asked her what she said, it translated to ” there should be a trolley car in your stomache, while the conductor rings the bell.” It kinda sounded like mahoggen, de hogge, de lox lana, de lava de hogge. Then she would end every insult with meshuga. I miss her.
      Everyone is so ready to be outraged these days. That’s what pisses me off. Nanna would have said “why don’t you worry about yourself, and let me worry about that. ” or “who are you trying to impress?” I hope it’s not me” then when he walked away she would have called him a schmuck.

  10. I blame this loss on those horrible sweaters the boys were wearing tonight. Lol

  11. I hired that guy to follow you around for the rest of the season.

  12. I remember being at “The Pond” when it first opened, 3 rows from the ice watching the Kings play and cussing up a storm. When an usher came up to me and said ” Ma’am your need to watch your mouth, this is a family establishment” where I replied ” this would never happen at the Forum, F#$K you!” he didn’t know what to do and walked away!!!

  13. had a couple who sat in front of us for years. my season seat mate used to drive them nuts. then, the Rams moved. first game they walk in to learn…they are still sitting in front of us. man, I was watching their faces as they came down the aisle and realized….the look of realization on their faces….I still laugh…

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