L.A. Kings Beat Phoenix Coyotes Who Help Beat Themselves 3-2. Morons Do As Morons Know.

“I scored that?” – Drew Doughty after he scored his 1st of the season.

“It was just a collision. I didn’t really see him, and we clipped knees there. That’s all.” – Jake Muzzin on the collision with Shane Doan.

[Hits the ice like a bag of pucks] “My knee! Oh God, my knee! My vagina! No, no, I mean my knee! It really hurts!” [Realizes no penalty is being called, jumps on his skates, drops both gloves and skates toward Jake] “I will fucking kill you Jake Muzzin!”

[Jake Muzzin to the referee] “Doan dropped his gloves and came after me. Why didn’t you call a penalty?”

[Referee to Jake] “He did? I must have been distracted by his screaming vagina.”

“Ha ha. You are special. The windows on the short bus are full of germs. Listen to your mother and don’t lick them.” – Me to Coyotes fan on Twitter after reading his incessant whining.

“Shane Doan like it” – Jim Fox after the Jarret Stoll goal. Quote of the month?

This game was intense but, in some respects, it was also a statement game.

You have to win different kinds of games. We are not going to roll every team, every night nor does a Championship team win pretty each time. The Coyotes came out in the first period and at different parts of the game like their very existence depended on getting the first goal or the next goal. But they didn’t. They had two men on the puck nearly at all times but our defensemen kept a lot of the play to the outside and when the Dogs got their high percentage chances, Jonathan Bernier was nothing short of All-World.

Up until the 42 second mark, I didn’t want this game to end. “Three more periods” I called out. It was fun to watch. When Shane Doan (who had two tonight, the fermented feces) scored the second, it was “fuck, end this game now! Fuck off! I want to win!”

And win we did.

To what do you suppose the Phoenix Coyotes will change their name when they move to Seattle? The Seattle Strays? Can probably keep the same jersey.

Scribe’s 3 L.A. Kings Stars

3. Dustin Penner

2. Drew Doughty

1. Jonathan Bernier

If Shane Doan had stayed down or was carried off the ice, Jake Muzzin would have gotten the number 1 star. I kid, Shane. I don’t hate him…actually, I do. Very much so. But I don’t want to see any player get hurt…except maybe him. No. Don’t want that. Maybe.

We play Dallas on Thursday. Revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold at ice level…and section 315.


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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54 replies

  1. So if they….the fermented feces and the desert rats….. move to Vegas will they become the Las Vegas Vaginas??

  2. I expect nothing less from “Lame” Doan and his “Cry-otes.” Good game.

  3. I thought I couldn’t hate Phoenix any more than I did before tonight. It is so fucking awesome to watch them come apart at the seams every single time it matters. I do however hope that the Coyotes stay in Phoenix because it is a very short road trip for the Kings. I do remember thinking I don’t want this game to end. And now all the Bernier detractors can shut up about him never stealing a game. He should have an actual chance to take the number 1 position. But after listening to Darryl Sutter mention that Jonathan Bernier wants to be a number 1 he said so last summer (DS will probably penalize him for the trade request), I don’t think he’s going to get that chance. It is a shame because Jonathan Bernier has been consistent while Quickhas been all over the map.

    • I agree, it would be a huge mistake for Lombardi not to at least ponder the idea of keeping the younger Bernier and his considerably cheaper cap hit. Bernier is busting out right before our eyes this year. The guy looks amazing.

      • Perfect description: Bernier is busting out right before our eyes.. indeed he is!
        If we did not have Quicker( bite my tongue.. I did ) we would still be just fine.. he has done
        everything you could ask for in Goal. Kings are Solid.
        GO KING GO!!!

  4. Doan’s vagina made me laugh. Jim Fox saying “Shane Doan’t like it” made me laugh as well. My life is sad.

    • The Kings are the defending Cup Champs, your life is AWESOME! Also, it wasn’t until I read your comment, that I finally got the “Shane Doan’t like it” now that is sad.

  5. 2 Games 2 nights in a row..saw them both..but each game very different. Yoles came out tonight desperate.. D men activated from beginning. Tonight was the King’s defense time to shine. And they did..from an Awesome Bermier on out. We had
    trouble getting through the neutral zone, but we kept grinding.. kept getting the puck out of our end til we finally broke free with a Goal. Penner..tip in from wrap around attempt by Williams.
    I miss those wraparounds (AF).
    Next we got to see Dewy get the monkey off his back.,
    Third period Yokes started to come unglued.. meaning Doan..the great leader
    . went on a damage our D..Slava..Muzzin..then he got a little payback and starting whining..he is a beauty isn’t he? Course he also has to score against us. He must have more goals against the Kings then any other team.
    Then we get a goal from Stollie…Nice! Up 3-1…play it out…late penalty equals another Phx goal..but we hang tough and Stud Bernier with 40 saves gets us a W.
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  6. I love when opposing players can ilicit an emotional reaction from me,
    phoenix has a team full of them. Remember in game 5 a couple shifts before dustin brown blows him up, watch rozsival dive on a one wristed tap on the skates from penner.
    Mike Smith takes a chop at richards in front after penns goal.
    And shane doans constant charging and whining act, the guys a hell of a hockey player though and if he were a king we would hold him in deadmarsh like lore,

    Too bad Dallas traded Ribeiro he was fun to hate as well.

    I hope the kings dont make a move at the deadline. Were going to have a hard time retaining our own young talent let alone committing money to aging veterans

    Lewis is due for a raise, Kinger, and Cliff as well not to mention brownie and slava next year


    • If Bernier gets traded the return better be huge. It’s easy to forget how good he is with Quick around, but this season has been a reminder of just what kind of stud he is.

      • No way Bernier gets traded now. Let him keep playing and shining. He’ll get a much better payday next year because of this year. The Kings will also get more in return, including a slightly less talented replacement.

  7. I think I know what they’ll change the mascot to…

    Shane Doan is a biggity-bitch.

  8. The Puppies looked like a bunch of Soccer players tonight….Doan taking a dive….what a panty waist…

  9. As much as I hate Phoenix, it is almost sad watching the Kings play them.. I can’t even hate on them anymore because they make it so easy. Doan whining every game like he is entitled to every penalty he feels he deserves, I believe it was Rosival who went head over heals when Stoll hardly tapped him on the skate (not arguing the penalty, just the embellishment) and the overall theatrics of the Coyotes. I’d rather watch the kings play the Canucks or stars when it is more of a game then a crappy basement theater production featuring the whiny cousin of the Western Conference. just my opinion I guess…

    • I agree completely, but you did forget a few things. Oliver Eckman-Larson’s embellishment of Richards stick in his chest where he then reached up and knocked his own helmet off (I was surprised he didn’t have a blood packet or razor blade ala wrestling to get the double minor). Doan faking an injury then not getting an intigator for dropping the gloves, also not getting the instigator with a visor. And what I feel is the biggest point, which is everytime we play PHX I get scared, not because they might actually find a way to win, not because they are anything that even resembles a good team. But because I am afraid of injury. They don’t just embellish like VAncouver or ocassionally step over the line like VAncouver. They go after other players with intent to hurt! Anytime we beat them good, anytime we beat them and don’t have any injuries GREAT. Anytime we beat them, no injuries, and Doughty breaks a scoring drought: FUCKING AWESOME! Or as DD said, “Finally.”

      • Shane Doan was totally on a seeki and injure mission to Injure in Period Three.. It was happening right in front of me.. I don’t usually get as Pissed as I was..and really suprised that someone did not flat out try to take him out of game. I said if Fans could go over the boards I could see a Big Melee.. Coaches have cooler heads seeing the bigger picture.. the Win and 2 precious points. That is not to say he will get his before the Season is done. Poor leadership, bad shortsmanship equaled ‘Shame’ Doan last night.

  10. I wish Doans knee got “blown out”. When they were chirping at Muzzin I wish there was a button on my remote that would hone in on those conversations. I also wish we shut them out, again. Those were my three wishes last night. I’ll settle for the two points, and 6 ahead of San Jose’s 8th place spot. 4th is probably as good as it will get for us this year. Unless something wonderfully awful happens to Anaheim. That is my 1st wish for today. I used to like Dave Tippett, now he’s just another Cryote. The whining and bitching comes right down from the top I guess. GKG!!! \X/

  11. Doan is a hell of a hockey player. However…the kings need to deal with this guy. The charging and interference shit. Someone got to stand up for the kid muzzin, also. If these guys play again nolan better be in the lineup.

  12. Reporter: ” if there was a reason for Toffoli not playing in the final 10 minutes?”:
    DS: ““No. There’s nothing that says he has to play.”
    Reporter: “On whether Toffoli was injured?”
    DS: “Do we report injuries usually?”
    Reporter “how good Jonathan Bernier could become?”:
    DS :“I don’t know. He’s a young goaltender, and he wants to be a number one goalie. That’s his goal. That’s what he said this summer. The way the schedule has been and with Quick’s surgery last summer and his training, it’s allowed us to play both guys, and we’ll continue to do that.”
    Love DS! His press conferences are just like Tortts, but without the temper and abuse of the person(s) who ask them.
    While I like DS, the comments about Bernier have me a little concerned. I know DS is not the GM, but how hands on is DL? What to do with Bernier still remains a question, and now its an even bigger question because you honestly can’t think about trading him anytime soon.
    I don’t even think they should trade him after the season, unless they can’t reach an agreement.
    I know another team can throw out an offer sheet, like what Jay Feaster did with Ryan O’Reilly, and kind of put DL’s feet up against the coals with an RFA, so I hope something can be decided before July 1st.
    Personally I think they can re-sign Bernier, and at a pretty decent amount, and the length of the contract which I hope happens.
    Keep Bernier around and busy using a tandem system between Quick and Bernier.
    I know Quick is our #1, but if you look back into the past, the original 6 era pre 1967 pretty much all teams used a tandem and successfully.
    Rogie/Gump, Bower/Sawchuk hell even the Vezina was awarded to tandems.
    Sign Bernier after the season prior to July 1, unless Vito makes an offer, DL can’t refuse.
    At least this way you keep him just in case for another year or 2, and then trade him if you think Jones is ready to be a back up.
    I know his trade value is going up the more he plays and the better he plays, but I hope DL re-signs him.
    When PHX moves to Seattle, well if they do, then they should go old school and resurrect the Seattle Cosmopolitans.
    While I like this rivalry, we have the Dicks and Guppies already in CA, so Vancouver needs a rivalry, and Seattle would be perfect.
    Besides, Vancouver window to win is all but over, just like San Jose.
    Anything to prevent those obnoxious Schmuck fans from coming down here with that horrible Free Willy sweater!

  13. This game was intense but, in some respects, it was also a statement game.

    … What statement possibly could have been made from last night’s game?

  14. It’d be cool to face Phoenix again in the playoffs. I finally have the $ for the road trip Jaja.

    Penner throwing Hanzal to the ground was great! Papa bear protecting his cub haha

  15. Btw.. Westy won a fight against some Panther.. Finally lol

  16. “Oh God, my knee! My vagina!”n Too funny. That was like a reverse angle look at last year’s strike on Rozsival’s vagina.

  17. “what do you suppose the Phoenix Coyotes will change their name when they move to Seattle? The Seattle Strays? Can probably keep the same jersey.”

    Since they’ll play on the sound they can be the “Seattle Sounders” and their logo can be a hockey stick coming out of their ass.

    • We already have the Sounders. They are our MLS team.

      What we need to do is obtain an NBA franchise which will in turn allow Hansen to build the arena which will allow us to MAYBE secure a struggling NHL team, in a couple years. But until that happens, no NHL in Seattle, which sucks because I’m first in line to buy season tickets. I gotta represent our Kings when they come to town 2-3 times a year and I would love nothing more than to talk some mad shit to all the Canucks fans. They would come down by the busload since it’s only about 2 hours to Vancouver depending on traffic.

      But I don’t want the Coyotes. At least not with any of the current players on it. I’d rather have the Islanders or the Panthers. Hell I’d even take the Blue Jackets.

      But when we finally do get a team, they need to go old school and use the Seattle Metropolitans in honor of the first American team to win the Cup.

  18. I’m actually very surprised by how bitter Kings fans are towards the Coyotes, one would figure that a fan base that is entirely bandwagon wouldn’t hold grudges, especially when they have won the games that mattered.

    • Bandwagon?

      Clark I suggest you go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on….and do it with haste.

      A small search might reveal that our BELOVED Kings came to town in 1967 (which if your heat stroked desert residing fucking brain is capable of math equals a 45 years of real fanbase shitdick)

    • Bandwagon.. who the hell are you talking about?
      GO KINGS GO!!!

    • A) You’re on the wrong site if you want to talk about bandwagon fans
      B) We’re not bitter we just think the ‘Yotes are a bunch of cheating, crying cheapskates.
      C) Hahahahah

    • The Coyotes haven’t done anything of merit to cause bitterness. All we do is kick your ass. We just enjoy pointing out your team’s self destructive and pussified ways. It’s not any more complicated than that.

    • I wish Doans knee got “blown out”. When they were chirping at Muzzin I wish there was a button on my remote that would hone in on those conversations. I also wish we shut them out, again. Those were my three wishes last night. I’ll settle for the two points, and 6 ahead of San Jose’s 8th place spot. 4th is probably as good as it will get for us this year. Unless something wonderfully awful happens to Anaheim. That is my 1st wish for today. I used to like Dave Tippett, now he’s just another Cryote. The whining and bitching comes right down from the top I guess. GKG!!! \X/

  19. Jim Fox and Bob Miller seem to be more loose this year than ever before, particularly Fox. The “Shane Doan like it comment” took be from furiously yelling at the TV to laughing. Better be Quick or be Fasth?

  20. Hey, Clark in Phoenix..I suggest that you read AND re-read Jaredito’s response and just let it sink in…MUCH more could be added as a retort to your ignorant post but I’d say he summed it up quite well ;-) “Shane Doan like it” – ha ha ha..Jimmy nailed it…Stollie’s goal was a thing of beauty…bottom line: Phoenix is a permanent shit stain on the NHL canvas ;-)

  21. All of this talk over at LAKI about the purple and black jersey got me thinking about what the Kings should be wearing. I say they should be wearing the legends night purple uniform, and a road uniform consisting of purple pants, a white jersey with the same crown that is on legends night purple Jersey, and purple and gold trim. Damn, that uniform looks so good on HDTV. The very bland home plate uniforms will probably be kept around for long time because the Kings won the Stanley Cup wearing them. The home plate logo, taken by itself, looks pretty damn good, as it does on the ring. But put it on a uniform, it looks bad. To sum up, home jerseys forum gold legends night, road– forum gold legends night w/white jersey forum gold/forum blue trim (trim equal split gold/blue in same are of existing trim in home unis). Follow? It makes perfect sense a statically, and economically, because it’s a New Jersey for everyone

    • Cocksucker phone. * aesthetically+ new jersey for everyone to purchase. Picture it, learn it, love it, push for it.

      • Christ, picture the legends night jersey—but white— in the same areas that occupy trim on legends night Jersey—- that could or would be split forum gold and forum blue. Simple concept, voice dictation on my phone, is a cocksucker. I really want to beat the everloving piss out of whomever programmed it. It makes me feel like I have a speech impediment.
        Point is, you all get my fucking point. Picture it, that would be a pretty damn cool uniform. I am not computer literate enough to draw this up or paint this up or whatever the hell that term is. White jersey, purple/gold trim, purple pants, Someone creative work on the socks. Oh my god, if I couldn’t send it up like I did in the last sentence, I wouldn’t have wasted all of this space.

        • S&S, for future reference, my brain is an oil tanker’s worth of product, forced into a thimble’s worth of sales. The essence is there, the output is horribly cluttered. I can take and understand your deepest thoughts, and turn them into the confused ramblings of JT Dutch.

    • The Crown will ALWAYS be my King Symbol..I got a UPS logo Jersey because as you said .. Our Kings Won Lord Stanley wearing and that is our History. I am very sad there is no Purple on the uniforms. It does tie in to Royalty and Kings and just fits. Several people have said it will be back eventually. The Boys helped create the Homeplate so of course are Proud and Like the design they came up with. Sorry to offend but do not see any designers on our team.
      Needed the female input on that :).. ok guys if you feel the need.. slam away.. it is just my opinion.
      GO KINGS GO!!!

  22. The Kings main colors should stay silver & black.. The most successful years of the franchise were in those colors. They were hardly “royalty” in purple. I wouldn’t mind seeing the forum blue jerseys as the new thirds though.


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