San Jose @ Kings – A Tale of Two Games

Two games matter today, and perhaps the most important one will not be played by the Kings.

How St. Louis fares against Chicago will determine whether or not home ice is even a possibility for our Kings, and we should know this by the time the puck drops for the Kings game against San Jose.

This will tickle you in places better left unseen, tonight Chicago is sitting… Well, almost everyone. The Blues won’t be seeing Toews, Kane, Hossa, Keith, Seabrook and Hjalmarsson on the ice as the #1 seed does the whole rest and avoid injury thing- because its just been such a long 48 game season.

There’s being safe and smart, and then there is being a team of paranoid pussies. Forgive me for speculating, but the hockey gods do love their irony and they do so hate pussies, so while many Blues fans look at this and say “Yay!”, Kings fans mutter “Fuck” and Chicago fans nod approvingly and let slip a cocky “Nice”, I, on the other hand am now fully confident of two things – the Blues will lose today and Chicago will get knocked out in the first round.

But let’s pretend for a minute like I don’t have a prophetical air that haunts my every whim.

If I have this down correctly (which I probably don’t, I didn’t really work it out, just thought about it in the shower), should St. Louis lose and the Kings win, 4th place is ours, and our opponent at 5th place, either the Blues or Sharks, depends on whether those two teams get a point in their respective losses.

However if St. Louis wins, then we can’t get 4th, but get 5th and face the Blues in the first round if we win our game, or drop to 6th and play Vancouver if we lose. If both us and the Blues lose, then I think we still drop to 6th and play Vancouver, but give the Sharks the 4th spot against the Blues.

I’m sure there are more convoluted possibilities than that depending on loser points and such, but the end result is that we are most likely to play the Blues or Canucks in the first round.

I THINK the only way we play the Sharks is if the Blues lose without getting a loser point, and the Sharks beat us in OT or the shootout, which would give them 4th and us 5th, dropping St Louis to 6th. Or maybe that we play the Sharks no matter what if the Blues lose in regulation and our game goes to OT, regardless of the winner.

Now I’m confused.

Fuck the standings.

All I know for sure if that we have a playoff spot locked up. Sharks, Blues, Canucks, we can and should take them all. The Blues and Canucks have an axe to grind with us and us one with the Sharks, but when I consider each of these teams, playing at their presumed playoff best, we edge all of them out if we play ours. I will say, I would prefer not to play the Sharks, merely because I don’t want to have to deal with that soggy banana dick Raffi Torres head hunting for a minimum of four games.

But enough about thinking ahead, lets think about the present matters at hand.

I plan to get to LA Live by 5pm and watch the Blues game, probably at yard house, maybe ESPN Zone if I’m feeling frisky. Plans will solidify via twitter – @surlierthanthou. I encourage any and all to join me and if he has maintained some semblance of the dangling manhood he so enjoys discussing, Scribe. Let’s end the season and kick off the playoffs correctly, with lots of beer, whiskey and if we’re lucky, tits that don’t belong to our out of shape asses.

As to the game, no Brown, we know that, and possibly/likely no Greene, which would suck if he hasn’t sucked. I don’t actually know this for sure, as I missed the last two games, but you all told me he sucked and I’m going to dare to trust you all know what the fuck you are talking about.

Serendipity has aligned herself to tumble favorable dominoes, and I think we will get that 4th spot. It’s always frustrating when your fate is not your own, but ultimately it is, because no matter what, by 10:30pm tonight, we will be headed the playoffs once again. This time to defend our supremacy.

Oh, also Sutter has been fucking with the lines, but to paraphrase the late and great George Carlin, “the lines will continue to change, on and off, for a long, long time.”


Categories: L.A. Kings News

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19 replies

  1. 1) Now you confused me
    2) Smart move by Chicago
    3) Greene did Not suck
    4) Hope you got your phone back from that Dickhead
    4) still love ya..thanks for article
    GO KINGS GO!!!

    • Consensus I read is that Greene sucked something awful the last few games. Couple I saw were a bit rough around the edges.

      And yes I got my phone back, thanks :)

      • Good news on phone!
        I would agree with rough around edges..anyone who thought 45 or however many in he would not be delusional. I am glad this team leader is back with the Boys.
        GO KINGS GO!!!

  2. What was Carlin refering to in that quote? What are you doing up so early? And finally, I want the Blues in the first round as their tiny little minds will remember the broom that swept them out of here, and make them cower in the understanding that the same fate awaits them this year should they have the misfortune of playing us in the first (or any round).

  3. Lose! Even if they have owned Saint Louise, Vancouver is less travel, and honestly we don’t have a bone to pick with Saint Louise!
    Vancouver, on the other hand is almost our arch nemesis and we have almost the entire country of Canada behind us to get rid of Vancouver!
    We love beating Vancouver, why because outside of BC, nobody gives a fuck about them!
    Less travel, the sure pleasure of knowing yet again Vancouver will not be lifting anything other than golf clubs, is all the incentive the Kings need.
    Saint Louise on the other hand and San Jose hate the living fuck out of the other!
    Let, Saint Louise grind down the Sharks, and let the Sharks grind down the Blues.
    If the Kings beat Vancouver in the 1st round then they get a bruised and battered Blues, which already know the Kings are 7-0 against them over the past 2 seasons.
    This is almost the same script as last year, with the exception of being the defending Stanley Cup Champions, with probably either Chicago or Anaheim sitting in the conference finals, both teams the Kings can beat if they can get their shit together!
    Go Kings Go!

    • Now, now Neil. We don’t wish for the Kings to lose. Not now, not never.

      • I’m not wishing, I’m merely saying the Kings should lay down, like Chicago.
        If home ice is highly improbable, then Vancouver is the closer of destinations in the 1st round and we love Vancouver!
        Let San Jose and St. Louis beat each other up!
        Vancouver isn’t physical, they have a bunch of ABBA impersonators, and I don’t mean the 2 male guys, although maybe they were women also, but I digress.
        Vancouver knows we can beat them, and with Baba Louie now in net because that other goalie is hurt, well that makes things even better!
        Let the Sharks face St. Louis who they have some serious hate for, once the Kings dispose of Vancouver and the citizens of Vancouver, then bring on St. Louis or the depleted roster of the Sharks after they worked by St. Louis.
        I also think we avoid having to listen to Doc and Pierre in the 1st round because Canada uses Gord Miller/Craig Simpson/Ray Ferraro for their TV commentary, much more pleasant on the ears if we can’t have Bob and Jim and Nick and Darryl are always a few seconds ahead due to delay on the radio broadcast.

  4. Okay guys, I have a dilemma. My nephew in law is part of the color guard for tonight’s Ducks game. I hate the docs as you all know. I plan on being the most obnoxious Go Kings Go fan at the pond. I had no idea after all these years, the prick was part of the color guard. The real problem is I’m going with my 13 year old grand nephew. I have nothing but respect for veterans, and grand nephews. I promised I wouldn’t drink, but that does not preclude me from being an obnoxious asshole. I mean, the kid has to learn from someone, right? When my obnoxious streak kicks in, I lack any modicum of restraint, gulp, I find myself asking you find ladies and gentlemen to define the line. I completely plan on engaging any and all Fuck fans, and driving home the fact that my nephew is and always will be a Kings fan. Any suggestions out there as to how far I can morally take this? He is 13 by the way and a product of divorce.

    • BTW,, I got myself kicked out of both games at frozen fury 2 in 1998. However I was drinking those nights, but again, I need not alcohol to be obnoxious. Please help me draw the line.

    • You are a brave man!
      I can only say you will be the visitors.. not at home rink..
      I remember how truly Awful it was a few years back when I got Last minutes seat to our elimination game vs. Vancouver. I was surrounded by stinkin Nuckleheads. I could barely refrain from getting myself kicked out of Staples…
      Do the best you can.
      GO KINGS GO!!!

  5. I am a cynical man. however it seems clear a 1st round defeat of which ever shit fucks we face hardly matters. if form holds, the red faced fucks from chi are the ones worthy of respect, (have to check those McMurty novels for insight) Course I was absolute wreck last year. and that meant sod all. GO MOTHA FUCKING KINGS, STCC! (still cynical.) gkgGKG!!!!!!!
    MATTY G.

  6. Calling Torres a “soggy banana dick” is officially the best thing I’ve ever read on this site.

  7. We OWN St. Louis…if there’s a team I wanted to face in the first round WITHOUT home ice it’s definitely these yokels…and I’m sure they’ll be lookin for sweet revenge so I’m not sayin that it’s gonna be an easy series, BUT….we’re in their heads even before the puck is dropped and THAT…is a very good thing…I LOVE this series..GO KINGS GO!!!


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