Kings @ Blues – Round 1 Game 1: A Familiar Scent

I’ve always wondered about those Colorado teams from the early 2000s, the ones that kicked our asses throughout the regular seasons and twice ended our playoff dreams. Did their fans hate the Kings as much as I vehemently hated their team?

I don’t have to wonder anymore. No, they didn’t. Because they walked away with the series wins.

Hello, St. Louis Blues, meet your 2000-2002 Colorado Avalanche, but you can just refer to us as the Los Angeles Kings, the defending Stanley Cup Champs, the team that will end you in the playoffs for the second year running, or if those are more words than your note-humming city can syllabize, just call us the big ball of whoop ass.

Many pundits and reporters are looking to this series, the 4 and 5 seed matchup in the Western Conference, as what could be the best series of the Quarterfinals. On paper, these two teams match up well. A couple of large, physical teams who play smart defense and forecheck relentlessly. But let’s face it, who reads the paper anymore?

The Blues have not beaten the Kings for a long, long time, in any fashion. They hate us, and they are playing well. The Kings have the Blues’ number, we frustrate them into stupid penalties and have never had any trouble solving Brian Eeeeeeeeeeellioooooootttt.

This isn’t quite the Blues team we’ve come to know and love to play against. They have since added the dopey-eyed Jay Bouwmeester, a player no one fears. A player so uninteresting in proportion to his exorbitant paycheck, that as of this writing no one has cared to update his Wikipedia page to included the last 14 games of his career, those spent with the Blues. He’s also made his way to the list of top 10 richest people who can’t afford a good haircut. When his forehead starts to sag below those bulbous eyes of his, he’ll challenge Neil Young and Tim Burton for the top spot. Unfortunately he’ll still be well behind on the list of “accomplished something with career”.

St. Louis hopes to get back fan favorite T.J. Oshie for the series, who hasn’t played a game since March 28th, perhaps not coincidentally, against the Kings. However the Blue who is on my radar is the one we didn’t face in last year’s semifinals; rookie Vladmir Tarasenko. We saw him this year, he is a nifty forward with a deftly annoying shot. He also looks like a cheetah shat on a jackal.

On another note, this is the picture you’ll find if you visit the Blues home page.


What is that, a Stanley Cup made of pie tins? Did this kid go digging through Dustin Penner’s trash? And what the fuck is on his head? Hey, I’m sure he’s a nice boy, probably really good at watching cartoons and spastically head butting his dad in the dick, but I had a little chat with Bailey, and he swore he’d totally fucking eat that kid.

On the Kings side of things, it appears Matt Greene is about ready to return after missing the last game of the season, though he may not jump right in tonight. Dustin Brown is all set to play, having learned his lesson, I’m sure, about not giving concussion prone players concussions.

I’m feeling good about the series pending two factors: Anze Kopitar shooting the puck and Jake Muzzin’s composure. Some might say Jonathan Quick makes them nervous, but I feel like Quick started getting real hot about a week and a half ago and is primed to repeat his performance from last year. He’s nearing the top of his game right now and, like the rest of the team, knows exactly what it takes to win a Cup. So long as the Kings don’t get ahead of themselves too early thinking ahead, I expect an extra gear to be throttled tonight, one they have been saving all season.

Speaking of saving, we would be nothing without the hockey gods, so lest we need saving from ourselves, we now bow our heads, close our eyes, offer fealty and passion, simmer with anticipation, align our enemy in the crosshairs of our malignant misgivings and send forth our fanatic energies, for the good of the Kings and power of their performance.

Let us pray.

Our Kings, who art in St. Louis,
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done,
On their ice, as it was all season.
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Blues their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the first round,
Past these evil Blues fucks.

Are you ready for playoff hockey?


Go nuts.

Go fucking nuts!




Categories: L.A. Kings News

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

30 replies

  1. The absolute perfect post to start this post-season! Now I AM ready for playoff hockey. GKG and fuck St. Louis

  2. Amen!

    GO KINGS GO!!!

  3. I’ve always wondered about those Colorado teams from the early 2000s, the ones that kicked our asses throughout the regular seasons

    … That’s a cute narrative; it really is. It just isn’t true, though. The Kings had a winning record against Colorado in the three seasons from 99-00 to 01-02. If you add in the playoff games, it’s a .500 record.

    The Blues have not beaten the Kings for a long, long time, in any fashion. They hate us, and they are playing well. The Kings have the Blues’ number

    … If the current Kings’ team resembled the Kings’ team which swept the Blues last year and beat them three straight this year, I’d be more than inclined to agree & leave it at that. But, it really doesn’t.

    • Ok fine, we beat Colorado a few times during the regular season, but not when it mattered. So the point stands. Gonna deny that they knocked us out of the playoffs twice?

      I’m also getting a little exasperated by your overly frequent use of the term “narrative”, because it implies you have some creative predisposition.

      And how does this team not resemble the one that beat the Blues 3 times this year? Oh yes, right. The grand poobah of scapegoats, Robyn Regehr.

      • JTs act is old

      • Ok fine, we beat Colorado a few times during the regular season, but not when it mattered. So the point stands. Gonna deny that they knocked us out of the playoffs twice?

        … While I appreciate the over-defensiveness, I’m just saying a little fact-checking would be nice.

        I’m also getting a little exasperated by your overly frequent use of the term “narrative”

        … Would you prefer “story”, or “fable”?

        And how does this team not resemble the one that beat the Blues 3 times this year? Oh yes, right. The grand poobah of scapegoats, Robyn Regehr.

        … It’s not hard to see Regehr’s ineffectiveness out there – unless you’re unwilling to see it, I guess? Who knows.

        It’s not just him, though. It’s also about the way the lines and pairings are crafted … very strange time to fuck with the top line that’s been so dominant. It’s also that Jonathan Quick isn’t the same goalie that he was last year (or maybe this year he simply went back to being Jonathan Quick?).

        But – Hitchcock is likely benching Tarasenko, so perhaps he doesn’t feel much like winning tonight, either. We’ll see how it goes.

        • Story and fable are fine choices. Variety makes life worth putting up with.

          Why waste my time fact checking when I know you’ll do it for me? I work smart, not hard ;)

          Regehr has been fine. He hasn’t hampered the Kings defense like you think he has. In much the same way you think others view Quick with an overly positive bias, you view Regehr with an overly negative one. You are subject to observation bias just as much as the rest of us are.

          Quick is playing better right now than when we beat the Blues 3 times this year. Whatever he did at the beginning and middle of the season don’t really matter. He is playing well now, that’s all that counts.

  4. Finally it’s here, been waiting since last June. I’m curious that so many so called hockey experts who are picking the Blues are all citing their ‘amped up defense’. That’s not what lost them the series last year, it was not having enough offensive firepower to counteract the Kings and they still didn’t address that. I think they would have been better served at the trade deadline getting some offensive help. Because what I remember las tyear is Kopi and Richards dominating center ice. Berglund and Backus couldn’t match up.
    As for JayBo, I thank God thank God that Homer for once did the right thing and ssaid ‘no, the asking price is too high’ He’s very overated and a playoff virgin, Kings will make him pay.

  5. Let this fucked up shortened season serve as payback for 1993.

    Kings vs Montreal in the finals.

    Kings go down two games early on, they get called for a fucked up boarding call, game misconduct, 5 minute major (That sounds oddly familiar. Fuck the blade curve that’s already been done), then come storming back for the elusive back to back.

    Shit I’m already thinking finals…gotta get past the first round here. Kings in 6?

    Let the madness begin….

  6. Is anyone else a tad nervous about Sutter changing line combos for the playoffs? I’m not sure why you would separate Carter and Richards. I can’t recall any players having as much chemistry, since the Palffy line. I believe in the boys regardless, so I guess it doesn’t matter, really.

    Five o’clock can not get here soon enough!!

    Cheers to the players, staff and all my fellow brethren! It’s going to be another great playoff year.

    Oh, and welcome back, Surly! Besides having to get the dictionary out on every post, it’s great to have you present once again.

    I have a four pound Chihuahua that would do a number and that little kids sorry excuse of a hat. Give me the word and I’ll let Maximus loose!

    • Not particularly. Sutter was forced to change the lines when Brown was suspended and in the last game found a very good line in Cliff-Kopi-Carts. I think he is hoping that Kopi will get going with that line.

      Brown-Richards-Williams has some serious potential to bludgeon the Blues defense.

      So long as Sutter doesn’t fuck around with the lines incessantly during the game, I’m not too concerned about it. If these lines suck, the old lids are available to him anytime.

  7. It’s OBVIOUS that we OWN these yokels but that doesn’t mean that the boys are taking them lightly…St. Louis may have that proverbial scent of the nasty wounded animal trapped in the yard…but…I say just unload the 12 gauge and be DONE with it!….oh, and ALL of the NBC channels are &%$#@! GARBAGE!!!! GO KINGS GO!!!!!

  8. This is stressing me the fuck out. We need to stay of the box and start trying. Steen walking right past Ellerby… ugh.

  9. Ellerby is so horrible, it’s almost funny

    • What else is funny is that Muzzin and especially Scuderi are just as bad tonight. Oh and can our supposed big guys start hitting and stop acting like pussies out there. If guys like King, Nolan and Clifford aren’t hitting then they are fucking useless, I would rather see guys like Toffoli get a chance.

  10. If we didn’t realize it before the game started, after nursing the bruises, broken fingers and chipped teeth I’m sure the boys realize they’re in a war. It’s time to start pushing back, boys! I want to see that character, men.

  11. Nice, nice, nice! Great shot Williams!

  12. Well, I guess we aren’t going up 3-0 in all series this season. But Quick was amazing; and that turnover at the end is a product of him trying to do too much. No worries, Kings in 5!

  13. Quick, I’m one of your biggest fans. I will back you no matter what, but how many close calls are you going to have and ultimately giving away a game before you stop fucking around with the puck. Please, stay in your net where you shine.

  14. That is just a terrible way to lose a game. Just when the Kings were starting to dominate and just beginning a 4 minute PP. Come on Quick stay in the fucking net already. I know he kept us in the game but his puck playing ability is pathetic. How many times did he give the puck away behind the net that almost led to goals?

    I know its just one game, but man that was brutal.

    • I agree with my buddy… Quick went full retard.

      Hextall needs to suit up and slash the shit out of Quick every time he tries to play the puck behind the net.

  15. They have to know Quick is bad behind the net. Hence that crazy pressure from steen.
    He almost gave one up earlier in the game when he got caught behind the net. love the guy but he needs to be way more heads up and move faster behind the net. Fucking brutal

    • Interesting your point there. I completely – completely forgot (see how excited I am about this), but at some point earlier today I was thinking about how thoroughly the Blues would have scouted Quick, and I imagined them intentionally shooting pucks off the end boards and stuff to get Quick to play the puck. Forgot that I’d thought about it in those terms, until your post reminded me of that. Yep, agree totally. And they’re gonna keep trying to exploit it in this series to see if they can get another one or two like that.

  16. I find that his one ‘fatal flaw’ (in quotes because he can ‘unfatal it’ if he wants) is that he does not seem to learn from his mistakes. Same thing in finals on the Parise goal. He simply does not handle the puck well. I mean, Know what you do well….. and Know what you Don’t do well. It’s that simple. I don’t know what it is about his psychology, or competitive nature, or what, but you’d think that by now he’d realize that he does not handle the puck well behind the net when there is any sort of minimum pressure at all. In any case, certainly not with a man on top of him. He can transform it if he wants to. Just watch that tape and the Parise goal over and over and over and over and over and over. Then IF you decide you still wish to continue playing pucks behind the net like that – No Problem. Spend the whole damned off season every day having someone toss you pucks behind the net. Do it over and over again. Put a translucent blind fold on and then do it again and again. Either that, or just Stop playing pucks behind the net in that manner. You’re not a defenseman.

  17. What the fuck just happened?
    A four minute power-play we going 4 on 3 and we were going to score and Quickie goes Manny Ramirez behind the net.
    “Its just Quickie being Quickie”, I hope we’ll laugh in two months from now.
    Right now the taste in the back of my throat is so bad, I’d let Manny Ramirez take a dump in my mouth to make it taste better!
    Quick stood on his head and gave a chance and then fucked the whole thing up!!!
    Go Kings!


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,286 other followers

%d bloggers like this: