Don’t Be Scaping No Goats

How quickly we become spoiled. From four consecutive 3-0 leads in playoff series, to being down 2-0 and oh hockey gods, why hast thou forsaken us?

I know! I know!

It’s because Ellerby sucks! And, and and, Muzzin’s too inexperienced! And that fucking prick Jonathan Quick let in two suck ass game winners! Stupid Kopitar won’t shoot the puck. Regehr is slow and I miss my 2nd round picks. Stupid penalties. Stupid road games. Stupid hockey.

I won’t deny the truth these statements hold on the surface, but the hockey gods haven’t forsaken us, we have forsaken them. See, the hockey gods are just like us, they are hockey fans, just with a little more say in what goes down on the ice. So when you do the things they like, they help you do more of those things because it tickles them in their little godly panties. When you don’t do those things, they ignore you, because they aren’t here to answer your prayers, they are hear to soak up your love and feast on your cheers.

So what do the hockey gods love to see?

Breakouts and forecheck.

Breakouts and forecheck.

The more I think about the first two games, these are the only two things that really matter if we are going to attempt to simplify things in any sort of meaningful way. These are team-wide things, and a team-wide dedication to them will make up for the lack of any individual talent in achieving them or particular slumps certain millionaires are going through.

We have seen both good breakouts and good forechecks at times from the Kings in games one and two, but thinking back to those first dominant 40 minutes from last night, we never really had both going for us at one time for very long. The breakouts were damn good for those 40, but for most of it, the forecheck left the hockey gods feeling a little jipped. Oh sure, we had some great scoring chances, but the hockey gods are not all male and unfortunately, the female ones need some foreplay. Forechecking is foreplay.

I want to wring my hands at Kopitar and Carter too. These dudes needs to score. I wish Ellerby and Muzzin didn’t get frazzled and fuck up as often as they do (which isn’t as often as most bemoan). I really wish Scuderi looked anything like the player we had the previous few seasons, I wish King did a thing, Clifford kicked the crap out of everyone, Brown stopped going over the line and goddamn would I like Doughty to just take over the game, end to end rush that shit and put Brian Elliott in his place.

But I’m done wishing. I wish none of those things. I only care tomorrow for things I can control.

Like what jersey I wear. The volume of my voice.

Individual heroics will come when the team finds the fluidity of cohesion. When every single guy on a line, regardless of skill level, is digging out pucks and banging bodies like they were a low paid grunt just trying not to get sent back to the minors, the goals will come. When back’s don’t get turned on defense and pucks aren’t thrown in panic, but caressed to teammates you trust will be there, because they will.

These things home ice will bring.

Breakouts and forecheck.

Categories: L.A. Kings News

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19 replies

  1. From your lips to the hockey gods ears! GKG!!!

  2. Screw the Gods and their panties!! Let’s take control tomorrow. Manifest destiny!!!!!!!

    • NO!!!!! Manifest destiny was ill-defined, racist, arrogant, greedy, self-serving policy that resulted in mass genocide of Native Americans. That phrase is so misused and misunderstood that The Gap clothing store actually tried to sell shirts with just “Manifest Destiny” written on it. You clearly do not know the context of that phrase.

  3. Forechecking is Foreplay… Surly in your perverse way you just nailed it…and why I love this raunchy so fits the Great Game of Hockey!
    I needed an uplift to my King loving spirits.. they took a beating last night leaveing me bruised and hurt.
    I will find strenfth tomorrow knowing there can only be One Outcome. The Kings WILL Win..
    Thank you Hockey Gods
    GO KINGS GO!!!

  4. You forgot Penner…fuck Penner.

  5. Good article. Does anyone know if amart or greene took part in the morning skate. Also, I’m driving down from san luis obispo for the game. Does anyone know a good route if the 101 is closed due to the fire?

  6. I couldn’t agree more, last season’s playoff run was a clinic and how to break out of your own zone. This season……ehh. Not so much. That is the one thing that sticks out in my mind from last season…… a breakout clinic.

  7. According to Matt Greene, when asked by a bunch of kids after the game last night at the Gas N Sip, he wont be back until next series. Really. But not too surprising.

  8. Hey Surly and Scribe,

    There is just one gripe that just bugs the fuck out of me. Why in the hell is Play-Off (or Pay Off ) Penner not playing on the Stanley Cup winning line of Carts-Richards-Penner!!

    I don’t give a fuck what he did not do in the regular season. The guy delivers the mail in the Play-Offs when it counts!

    Having Dwight (no skill, kind of works hard, does his best with what he has) King on that line is just holding back the dynamic duo from what they do best, score goals! They are called your top lines for a reason, you put your fucking top players on them.

    The hinges on Sutters dog house door are more than oiled up and it is time to put the man bear beast where he belongs.

    What are your unfiltered thoughts?

    We Want The Cup AGAIN!!!!


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