Blues @ Kings – Round 1 Game 6 – 4 + 4 + 4 = 4

My superstitions are real, damn it.

On Monday, I ran two miles and then ate two pieces of chicken at El Pollo Loco. The Kings went on to win their second game of the series.

On Wednesday, I was about to stop running when I hit two miles, but thought “fuck it, a third mile for our third win”. I then ate three pieces of chicken at El Pollo Loco. Unsurprisingly, the Kings then won their third game. Related? Obviously.

I’ve never run four miles straight before. I’m a writer and video editor, neither of which necessitate getting off your ass for more than a trip to the fridge. Three miles almost killed me. Four pieces of chicken won’t be a problem, but you know what? For the Kings, I’m gonna run four miles today. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Because if I didn’t and we lost I’d never forgive myself.

But we won’t lose.

I’ll run four miles, I’ll eat four pieces of chicken at El Pollo Loco and I’ll wear the same exact clothing, from underwear to jersey, for the fourth consecutive time and we will win our fourth game of the series. With all that I’m doing, it’s amazing they bother to even play the game. We’ve basically already won.

What are you doing to help ensure victory?

Now for the fourth time, we pray our new prayer.

Our Kings, these defending Stanley Cup Champion Kings, who art in the motherfucking playoffs,
Hallowed be thy game tonight.
Thy Kingdom come if thy wills will be done,
On our ice, because it’s time to face a new team.
Give us this day our goals, however many are needed,
So that we may forgive ourselves for playing too often in our own zone.
And in the meantime give these dicks from St. Louis a sound slapping.
That we may be led past the first round,
Past these ugly ass Blues,

Let’s shatter glass and pierce our neighbor’s eardrums. Beat our chests and celebrate crisp passes, crushing blows and dance under flashing red lights.

Let’s go watch some damn Kings playoff hockey.

And go fucking nuts.






Categories: L.A. Kings News

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33 replies

  1. Thank you for your post Jacob. Its nice not having to navigate my way through a hit parade of half baked metaphors in order to get a Game 6 prepper.

    • Damn, and here I was hoping you’d see that this whole post was really just a giant metaphor. The 4 pieces of chicken are the four agreements and each of the four miles represents one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Geez, Tim, don’t you read?

  2. Good post Surly. However the thought of you running 4 miles scares me. Can’t you just drive 4 miles?

  3. lol. this is so great.
    The first 2 games, I wore my Brown jersey and wore my Kings hat. So for the 3rd game, I didn’t wear anything that said Kings on it…did the same for 4th and 5th. So no Kings love on my body tonight!

  4. What a second… you’ll be wearing the same clothes; including underwear? Did you throw them into the wash, at the very least?

    Dammit, Jacob. I sit next to you at the game!

    If I smell something rotten I’m blaming you!

  5. I am wearing three Kings bracelets which I started wearing the day we clinched the playoffs. Also if I do not watch the first period on TV and start watching during the second we have won…so tonight I time it and then put the TV on. After I drive by the Honda center and throw up on their statue…maybe that would be extra insurance!


  6. Well a couple seasons ago my Matt Greene jersey became the “rally jersey”. So for games 1 & 2 I wore my Brown jersey. So for game 3 I wore the Greene jersey so you’re welcome. By doing that it reset the juju of the Brown jersey which I actually wore through every playoff game last year (luc robitaille gave me a $100 gift card to team la which purchased said Brown jersey on fan appreciation night in 2012) so with juju reset ill be wearing the Brown jersey

  7. GKG!!! Can’t wait for the shaking of the hands.

  8. No A/C at work – my Brown jersey is vile, blood and sweat stains and all, but can’t switch til end of series… End it tonight for the filthy ones among us, boys!

  9. Well doesn’t this just fucking suck.

    Guess I’ll have to drive to school after work, sit in a parking lot and play hookey until 7, tell my roomate to dvr the game, come in, fast forward at X1 to the first goal, watch a little bit them fast forward X1 to thw second goal, and so on (because somehow, it isn’t the same for me as watching it live), only to have the end of the second be the last bit I watch, because the damn channel it is on does not play the third period or overtime, leaving me with a wtf face, trying to figure out if the dvd recording got fucked up, my roommate fucked up the recording, or the nbc broadcast purposely fucked with me, depriving me of watching. Voynov’s game winner slip through ELLLLLLIOOOOOOT’s.

    What a shitty way to enjoy a Kings victory.

    • See how pissed I am? I missed words, had shitty punctuation…

      Kind of like my shitty experience watching the last two kings victories.

      I’m taking one for the team, again. You’re welcome. And fuck you.

  10. Anyone else like me who thinks announcing your superstitions is bad luck? Upvote for yes, comment if no, send me a 6-pack if maybe.

    • I do not. I’ve always been up front about my neuroses. My woman tried to tell me I was jinxing it last night by posting this, but she doesn’t even like hockey and thinks I’m a ridiculous person for even having the superstition. In the end the superstitions are about making ourselves feel comfortable, things we do to calm nerves that would otherwise be so taut, we might snap in half if someone tapped up on the shoulder.

      • Ahh. The superstition breaker, the naysayer, the “adult”, aka the old lady. I know how that feels. I’d say she needs to watch that Bud Light commercial about superstitions, the one where they face the sticker out for good luck, and the motto is “it’s only weird if it doesn’t work,” but she probably still won’t get it.

        But I get it, I find gossiping, watch General Hospital, and the need to do makeup and hair for an hour as lunacy, so maybe there’s another side to it

        Naw, we aren’t that crazy.

  11. I have to drink 12 beers and wear my lucky carter jersey. I’m not allowed to eat until the game is over. We r victorious!

  12. Is this showdown or the 93 Toronto series the most physical? This is a brutal affair!

  13. Holy shit!!!! Penner makes it hard for me not to like him. Nice shot, son!

  14. Quuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccckkkkkk!!!!!!

  15. I feel this needs to be said: EVERYONE that doubted Quick; EVERYONE that was calling for Bernier to replace Quick as our starting goalie and question whether we should have signed Quick long term; EVERYONE that was critiquing Quick’s style and questioning who we should keep long-term: you can all eat a dick. Seriously. Don’t EVER question this guy’s heart, determination, talent, or ability to be the best goalie in the league. I think it can be said definitevely, Jonathan Quick is THE BEST goalie in Kings’ history. Try and justify others, but Quick’s success really is beyond compare. We ALWAYS have a chance with this guy in net. Bernier’s a great prospect, and I’m sure he’ll do we’ll elsewhere, but Quick is the Kings giaktender.
    So happy to be in the second round!

    • I was one of those guys and I’m not going to shy away from that, cause at the time Quick was playing like fucking garbage while Bernier was standing on his head. So don’t be so quick to discount the fact that without Bernier we may not have even made the playoffs. So NO I won’t eat a dick. Now in saying that I can admit when I am wrong and I’m glad Sutter stuck with Quick when I was leary. Quick played great for us AGAIN!

      Now lets go and win us another cup baby!

      • I respect that; however, I hate how quick we all are to jump ship for instant gratification. Quick boldly went where no other Kings goalie had gone before him. Then he started like garbage, and so many were ready to throw him out. Less than one season removed from the cup! Bernier helped us get a playoff spot, but don’t be so quick to forget proven success.

        • Your right proven success does matter. For me though it wasn’t so black and white, it wasn’t play one goalie and trade the other immedeatly. I just thought Bernier deserved more starts due to Quicks inconsistent play all year thats all. It’s a moot point now anyways, Kings are winning and Quicks playing his ass off again. GKG!

  16. I would just like to take a minutes to thank Surly for his superstitions. Well played well played… so do you run 5 miles and eat 5 pieces of El Pollo Loco to get 5 wins? Or do we start from scratch for a new series.
    Great game tonight. One series at a time. On Tuesday (?) we are back at 0. Fn Penner. I love him. GKG!!!!

  17. One mile for each of the 16 wins – I just wanna see you eat 15 pieces of chicken :)

  18. It’s my fault the Kings lost the first two games of the St. Louis series and I’m truly sorry!
    I didn’t wear my home jersey or any King’s jersey for that matter, the first two games of the series that I wore all last post-season, yes I know the Kings went 16-4. I never said the jersey was perfect (just like I’m not) but, a .750 winning percentage is pretty good and the Kings haven’t lost since I put the jersey on for games 3, 4, 5 and 6. It’s safe to say I’ll be wearing that jersey the rest of this playoff season and any other postseasons until it falls apart!
    Go Kings, 12 more!!!!

  19. P.S. when they played overtime in game 5 I believe it was, I was wearing the replica Stanley Cup Ring that I got from you guys and kissing it every time the Kings went on offense or back on defense. It worked, so that will be a new ritual for overtime games!
    Go 4 2!!!!


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