Ducks or Sharks? A Stupid Question Answered

“Who would you rather play in the second round?” Surly and I have been asked this question numerous times in the past 48 hours. Surly almost allowed himself to get sucked into it last night until he retorted to a fellow fan, “hey, let’s win this series first!” This was during the 1st intermission. Smart kid, that Surly.

As for me, I’ve held back my generally unfiltered response to any hockey related question because the question has bothered me since the first time I heard it. I could not put a finger, fist or penis on it until this morning and coincidentally, the “why” of that occurred to me at 90 MPH on the 55 freeway…the only thing that focuses me faster than my Harley and an open road is my wife, naked. No, my wife was not traveling naked and at high speeds this morning. That was last night after I got back from the game.

You have heard from others or thought of all the following, right?

“I would rather play the Ducks because…”

  • We get to finally build a real rivalry
  • It would be home ice for every game
  • Less travel
  • Bruce Boudreau is fat
  • Corey Perry is the dog shit that dog shit wipes from the bottom of its boot
  • The opportunity to punch an Anaheim Ducks fan increases by 1000%

“I would rather play the Sharks because…”

  • We have some unfinished business with those fucks from the 2011 playoffs
  • Less travel
  • Build on the already festering hatred between these two fan bases while mutually enjoying Anaheim’s elimination
  • The only reason any of us would ever have any reason to end up in San Jose

But that is exactly where all of you are wrong and need to, like me, focus.

You see a chick (or for you ladies that read the site, still a chick) at the end of the bar. Do you give a damn who you bump into on your way to her?

The road over which your tires cruise, the cars you pass or the pit stop you make are not the destination. They are a means to an end or an irrelevant distraction.

Ducks. Sharks. Non Sequitur, translated into English as don’t give a fuck.

When the game starts, the team on the other end, no matter what jersey they wear, only merit our wrath and execration, their fan base gripped with fear and self loathing. That is our duty as L.A. Kings fans. We welcome no one to our house. Those who enter and do not wear our crest and colors leave fortunate to have lived to tell the story of the time their team was decimated and, themselves, through our charity, escaped with only their self-esteem forever scarred.

We ask for no team.

There are no invitations.

Only hatred for all other 29 and those who do not bleed our colors and have not earned the right to call themselves Kings fans.

They are all the same to me.

As they should be to you.

Because you are L.A. Kings fans.

And that is your defining attribute, your most flawless, essential feature and what makes you my brother or sister and for whom I have nothing but love.

Kill them all, no matter who and from where.

Because we want the Cup, again.



Categories: L.A. Kings News

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38 replies

  1. FYI This chick here ^ is not into chicks :-) happily married and clean shaven with no more remnants of my playoff bush (thanks to surly’s post)
    Bring any opponent on! We’ll destroy them all! 12 to go!! GKG

  2. It’s too bad there is no way the Ducks could play the Hawks. They are the only team with a positive record vs the hawks in the regular season and a Ducks vs Kings Conference finals would have been epic!

  3. Surly looks a little like Westgarth, but almost assuredly skates better.

  4. Who gives a fuck who we play. Sharks and ducks should be worried who THEY play. They don’t want any from the defending champs. We will destroy either of them on our way to THE showdown. Kings/hawks…

  5. I would love to hear some “We want The Cup” chants at the Stapler, come round 2. Let the Kings players know that the fans are not satisfied with one meager Cup. We hunger for more!!!

    GKG!
    WWTC!!!

  6. I completely agree! Bring on the next opponent – don’t care who it is!!!! GKG!!
    P.S. Thanks Surly for your energy in 315!

  7. I say we play Colorado

  8. I would rather play the Ducks because Kopitar rapes Ryan Getzlaf, and they don’t have an answer for Mike Richards. Throw in home ice for every game, and the quality practice time that is desperately needed for the kids, let alone everyone. Yeah the Sharks are playoff ckokes,but it would be great for youth hockey in the area.maybe we can have more than Brandon Kozun be the first homegrown player to eventually lift the Cup. Game six made me physically ill watching it. I don’t know what to think of the Kings being dominated territorially like that. It was like they played that Coyote style minus the attempt to injure and cheap ass boarding penalties. I don’t think that should continue, but what the hell do I know?

    • anonymous is Mik3ysfv. I have a different phone sorry forgot to fill out the fields.I said you don’t look half retarded surly or scribe I can’t remember. I choose the Ducks because of home ice and practice time, too lazy to look up the rest.

  9. As I said on Surly’s last post:

    As for who we play next, doesn’t matter. Obviously I would never cheer for the Ducks to win a games, especially of the playoff variety, so go Wings. However, no matter who we draw I have complete confidence in Quick & Co. to kick their ass and win the next 4. 4 down 12 to go! GKG!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • I’ve always felt the exact opposite. Sports are less fun when your rivalry isn’t competitive and you are. I root for every team in the pacific to win games against other opponents unless the division race is close. The ducks winning 25 games and missing playoffs doesn’t really do any good. I want to beat them when it counts the most. And sharks have been the troubling team the last many years. I cant remember being more upset with a team than the sharks during the final game of last year when clowe got the trip from the bench. Too bad he’s off the team. Would’ve been nice to see him again. Bring on either, or. Doesn’t matter. Blackhawks series was inevitable.

  10. Am I the one to have to mention we would have home ice against SJ? After the 2 game drop last series I would think more of us (and of course, the team) would prefer to kick shit off at Staples than our retarded cousin’s dinky apartment… When was the last time we had a home ice start in the playoffs?

  11. No one is going to stop us, so in the respect of who we match up against, I can care less. As far as personal reference, you can bet your ass, I want the Ducks. I live in Quack territory and I’d like nothing else than some competitive banter with a few of my neighbors.. I have to admit a few a true hockey fans but the majority are just lost and fun to screw with.

  12. As a NorCal transplant, I’d like to smack around some Sharks fans with a predilection for talking out the side of their necks… Invading the bay is much more fun than a trip to Disneyland. I suppose it comes down to the personal vendettas we have for these two teams. I respect both on their abilities, but their fanbases are fucking weinie. (Schm)ucks fans are a joke – quacking and shit, no balls, while fish fans talk so much trash, claiming anything above LA “Sharks territory” (including Alaska, it’s true)… We already own LA, the waddlers know it – imagine putting that dagger in the hearts of millions more of these hacks… I just want blood.

  13. I understand how duck fans can be optimistic about winning tonight. They think they are making it to round 2…..
    But what about plan B? If they dont win, do they realize that tonight is Selanne’s last game ever? Have they had some kind of special event for him? What a shitty way to go. A handshake and a kick in the ass by the Red Wings back into the lockers.
    Is Finland waiting for him at the IIHF championship?…
    But why do I care that such a great player will probably retire tonight? I ain’t gonna miss!…

  14. All this feigning ambivalence… I call bullshit. Your bravado is transparent… “I’m so confident that I could care less who we face!” It’s the regular “cool guy” act.
    All if us have played out the second round match up and who would we rather face scenario. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s fun to thinkif how we match up against ANA or SJ. It’s also fun to think of destroying these teams and their respective douchebag fanbases. It’s what makes the playoffs fun. “I don’t care who we face”… Not true

  15. When I attended the draft and it was our turn to draft, I was convinced we were selecting Etem…

  16. What abunch of pussies! Who am I most scared to play?

    Don’t be a wimp, have some balls and back your team against anyone.

    Quack, quack

    • A duck fan who is arrogant, and too stupid to have any reading comprehension. Well that does it, I am shocked! Enjoy working on your golf game Anaheim.

  17. I really doubt it matters who we *play* next, but I would prefer the Ducks, simply to have 3/4 California teams so I can give a big middle finger to east coast hockey snobs, and making Chicago have to travel wouldn’t be the worst thing.

  18. Balls! I really, really wanted to play Anaheim!

  19. I enjoyed this piece of art

  20. Yes! Art it is! Kill slowly and suck the putrid blood of Sharks. This is a stupid franchise of choke artists with a stupid name (not to mention PASTEL uniforms). I hate these pricks worse than Canucks and Ducks put together and LOVE to watch them CHOKE year in and year out. Jason Collins clone mother fuckers (This statement strategically placed to get a response from a gay team with gay fans) . We need to treat these guys like Gosnel clinic abortion patients! Snip, snip, snip. Have a nice summer of golf, bitches. Oh yeah, same to you Duck fans. You SUCK sweaty, sour yeast infected balls. I am SO happy you assholes are feeling the pain today and have a long summer of MISERY ahead! Unmitigated joy is awesome!

  21. So surly. You always sit in sec 315? I’m asking cause usually we r on the other side. Last game we were in 107 row 17 which is the last row of 107. Two douchebags in 207 right behind us complained we were standing up to much. Which is really annoying cause their section was elevated above us. It always seems we got fucking idiots around us. Is it because we r on the side the opponent shoots twice? I want to sit next to you guys so we can scream loud and not bother anyone…

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