“Who would you rather play in the second round?” Surly and I have been asked this question numerous times in the past 48 hours. Surly almost allowed himself to get sucked into it last night until he retorted to a fellow fan, “hey, let’s win this series first!” This was during the 1st intermission. Smart kid, that Surly.
As for me, I’ve held back my generally unfiltered response to any hockey related question because the question has bothered me since the first time I heard it. I could not put a finger, fist or penis on it until this morning and coincidentally, the “why” of that occurred to me at 90 MPH on the 55 freeway…the only thing that focuses me faster than my Harley and an open road is my wife, naked. No, my wife was not traveling naked and at high speeds this morning. That was last night after I got back from the game.
You have heard from others or thought of all the following, right?
“I would rather play the Ducks because…”
- We get to finally build a real rivalry
- It would be home ice for every game
- Less travel
- Bruce Boudreau is fat
- Corey Perry is the dog shit that dog shit wipes from the bottom of its boot
- The opportunity to punch an Anaheim Ducks fan increases by 1000%
“I would rather play the Sharks because…”
- We have some unfinished business with those fucks from the 2011 playoffs
- Less travel
- Build on the already festering hatred between these two fan bases while mutually enjoying Anaheim’s elimination
- The only reason any of us would ever have any reason to end up in San Jose
But that is exactly where all of you are wrong and need to, like me, focus.
You see a chick (or for you ladies that read the site, still a chick) at the end of the bar. Do you give a damn who you bump into on your way to her?
The road over which your tires cruise, the cars you pass or the pit stop you make are not the destination. They are a means to an end or an irrelevant distraction.
Ducks. Sharks. Non Sequitur, translated into English as don’t give a fuck.
When the game starts, the team on the other end, no matter what jersey they wear, only merit our wrath and execration, their fan base gripped with fear and self loathing. That is our duty as L.A. Kings fans. We welcome no one to our house. Those who enter and do not wear our crest and colors leave fortunate to have lived to tell the story of the time their team was decimated and, themselves, through our charity, escaped with only their self-esteem forever scarred.
We ask for no team.
There are no invitations.
Only hatred for all other 29 and those who do not bleed our colors and have not earned the right to call themselves Kings fans.
They are all the same to me.
As they should be to you.
Because you are L.A. Kings fans.
And that is your defining attribute, your most flawless, essential feature and what makes you my brother or sister and for whom I have nothing but love.
Kill them all, no matter who and from where.
Because we want the Cup, again.
Categories: L.A. Kings News