Sharks @ Kings – Round 2 Game 1 – Payback, Like Joe Thornton, is a Bitch

They say time heals all wounds.

They may be right, but what doesn’t heal all wounds? A Stanley Cup.

Despite our glorious achievements and the San Jose Sharks distinct lack of them outside of a few meaningless division titles, these losers managed to oust us in the first round two years ago, and for that, they must pay.

This is likely to be quite a different series than the one against the Blues.

First of all, home ice! How cool is that? Bobby doesn’t care how long it’s been since we’ve had home ice, but I do because I’ve never been to a home ice playoff series, as I’m sure many of our fans, more than just the several thousand we picked up last year, have not. Being that no one in the NHL had more home wins than the Kings during the season, it’s a good thing.

San Jose is probably feeling very high and mighty about sweeping the Canucks, but you’ll notice that very few of the story lines from that series centered around the fantastic play of the Sharks. Instead, the hockey world couldn’t talk enough about the disaster that is Vancouver and mostly the massive clusterfuck that is their goalie management. Now, I watched a fair bit of that series, and San Jose did play well, we’ll give them that.

Their offense is where they shine, as always, which has worked so well for them in the past. Their defense, led still by the wide-eyed Dan Boyle (and by wide-eyed I mean his eyes are as far from each other as Logan Couture’s front teeth are from his bottom lip). Their defense is not without talent or size, but Todd McLellan ain’t no Darryl Sutter, neither in his ability to fluster reporters or upset opposing offensive schemes.

Can they handle the war of attrition that Darryl Sutter employs? Do they have an answer to Drew Doughty? Can they withstand the physical onslaught they are about to endure? Will any of this matter when Quick decides he is going to win games all by himself?

Speaking of goaltending, Antii Nemi isn’t terrible, but very few playoff goalies are. Yes he won a Cup, but while we have a Conn Smythe winner who seems to think he can do better this year, Niemi won his Cup the year that made the NHL say “see, you don’t need a great goalie to win the Cup!” Anyway, I have no real segue-way here, so…

The Kings are not playing their best hockey. The offense has been thin and the breakouts less than spectacular. The only Kings I would say played at a consistently high level last round were Justin Williams, Drew Doughty, Slava Voynov and of course, Jonathan Quick. While you may be concerned that the St. Louis Blues gave us all we could handle, and despite winning four games in a row, heavily outplayed us for large swaths of all six games, it is important to note that the Blues were a team built for the playoffs. What they lacked in offensive talent, they made up for in relentless forechecking, quality goaltending and a suffocating system.

The Sharks can provide nowhere near the defensive frustration the Kings overcame in the first round, so I am confident the offensive will come, quickly. Too many Kings went without goals or very few. Lewis, Stoll, Richards, Martinez – these guys will score. It’s not an if, just a when. In fact, I just decided that one of them will score tonight.

The other difference between these two teams? The one that was the ultimate deciding factor in beating the Blues, the same one that we just witnessed propel Boston to the second round with a stunning victory in game 7 over the Maple Leafs: the Kings know how to win.

The Sharks are well versed in losing. Lucky them they got the matchup with the losier losers in the first round. No such luck for them this round.

There is only one giant X factor in this series: Anze Kopitar

Whether Kopi’s poor play in the first round was due to fighting off an injury or vainly searching for warmth during a cold streak will not matter to the end result. He needs to step up his game. If anyone is due for a goal or six, it’s Anze. He snapped his long goalless streak, but he can’t let another one begin. So for this reason, we will add in a prayer for tonight’s game. Say it with me.

Hail Kopi, full of talent,
Your fans are with thee.
Blessed are thou amongst Slovenians,
and blessed is the fruit of thy Slovenienness,
Holy Kopi, first of our centers,
Play for us screamers,
Now, and take us nearer to the hour of our Second Cup.

And for the team, we pray.

Our Kings, these reigning Stanley Cup Champions Kings, who art in the second round of the mother fucking playoffs,
Hallowed be thy game tonight.
Thy Kingdom come if thy wills will be done,
On our ice, because we fucking earned it.
Give us this day our goals, however many are needed,
So that we may forgive ourselves for any flaws in our game.
And in the meantime give these dicks from San Jose a sound slapping.
That we may be led past the second round,
Past these ugly ass Sharks,

Let’s shatter glass and pierce our neighbor’s eardrums. Beat our chests and celebrate crisp passes, crushing blows and dance under flashing red lights.

Let’s go watch some damn Kings playoff hockey.

And go fucking nuts.






Categories: L.A. Kings News

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26 replies

  1. I’ve been waiting so long for this. NorCal hates the Kings with an unbridled lust for our demise. Celebrating the cup victory at home then coming back up here to check names off my hit list was vilifying to no end. I’m going to paint “SHARKS SUCK” and “GO KINGS GO” all over my car and drive around town. Sorry guys, but I hope we take it in 6 – I got my ticket and fishing pole, gonna be heading to Sad Hoskie in a little over a week! FUCK YES! KINGS HOCKEY CRAMMED RIGHT UP THEIR BLOWHOLES!!! GO KINGS GO BABY!!!

  2. Stay out of the fucking box. No more too many men or any BS like that.
    And while Cotex, Marleau and Joe Blow need to be attended to, I think the difference makers are Pavelski and Burns. They will be responsible for a 3-2 Kings win becoming a 3-2 Kings loss. If you keep those guys in check Kings win in 6.

  3. We demand the podcasts to be brought back. And we also demand the royal fucking of the SJ Sharts… I mean Sharks… wait no I did mean Sharts. Go Kings

  4. I dig these pre-game prayers. Well done and Go KINGS GO!

    Also, if any of you are so inclined……….please vote for my class in the Kings classroom challenge. We are the “Fiercest”! :)

  5. Vancouver has talent no doubt but their problem is their division is too damn easy. Calgary, Edmonton and Colorado? Please…bottom of the barrel. So sweeping Vancouver was no walk in the park but it aint gonna be like playing our boys.

    Were out for blood and the first scent of that shit we draw the sword and kill shit. I think its gonna be another tight series. Breakouts are crucial again.

    Kings in 6. If it goes to 7 so be it at least we’ll be playing at home.

  6. It’s almost time, folks! Lets rock the house and kick some tail!

    Kopitar, you either have to attack the net or shoot the puck. I would prefer both but at this time one of the two would be good. We need you, son! Lets take it too ’em.

    Good luck, boys! This is our series! I’m expecting only one loss in this matchup!

  7. Torres better get fucking suspended!
    11 more, Go Kings!

    • He’s a fucking disgrace. He was headhunting again. He had a hit in the first period where he targeted the head too. He better get suspended…

    • I hate Torres and his BS. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about enforcement, but there’s no place in the game for the kind of stuff that Raffi pulls. I dunno.. what comes after a 25-game suspension? Dirty player. As dirty as they come.

      • The worst part of it, is that the announcers keep covering for him, saying, “well, he’s changed the way he plays.” and I don’t just mean these two boneheads tonight, I’ve heard it about him all season long, even though he’s had a couple of questionable hits this year. Suspending him good will re-slot San Jose’s offense but it won’t bring Stoll back. Being that it was the only game on at the time, and the East Coast had to watch this game or nothing, maybe one or two of the people that call themselves NHL analysts (read: East Coast only analysts) actually watched the game. Hell, maybe even Shanahan willv take into consideration the score and time.
        If Stoll has to miss a bit of time, God forbid I think Lewis could slide over to his natural center position.

        • The biggest problem is that we have nobody who is near as good as Stoll at the faceoff, and that is one place where San Jose is better than us to begin with. Torres should not even be in the fucking league with the shit he has pulled over the years. Fun sidenote: McLellan said: “Clean hit. Not even a charging penalty, in my opinion.” further proving he doesn’t know fucking shit about hockey. Fuck the Sharks, fuck Torres! 5 down, 11 to go! GKG!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Brown got suspended for less!!!!

    • Reports are than he’s having an in-person meeting with the NLH DPS today. That means what… a possible 6 games + right?

  8. It really bothers me that thorton (big pussy) and the coach, whatever his name is (its pretty irrelevant because he is a fucking joke) said they r surprised that a penalty was even called. R u fucking kidding me. I think one of the points that is being missed is a hit to the head to a defensless player. I understand this is hockey and I love the hitting as much as anyone but on this play it seemed unneccesary. Torres is a good player but he obviously hasn’t learned shit after his 21 game suspension. He is right up their with cooke for being a cheapshot bitch. There better fucking be some payback on this shit boys.

  9. This pisses me off, but I’m doing mental damage control at this point…so, what’s the concensous on who will get inserted into the lineup and what the lines will look like w/o Stoll? Hopefully he only misses one game…

  10. …and, where has our resident “Quick’s biggest fan”, JT Dutch been?

  11. I’d like five minutes in an alley with Torres! What a pussy! The shittiest part is, Stollie and he are supposedly friends.
    Douche play, Douche player and Douche Bag!!!!!!

    • I have no tv and work 70 hrs and spend the rest in cups. My apologies. He could have leveled a huge hit without going anywhere near stollies brain. Fucking Criminal. Criminal! 100k for their duche GM? I get it but fuck. 7 figs you NHL fuckers! I say the suspension lasts another 2 games. Id never recognize him, but ball shot it would be.

  12. The Biggest bitches are the Kings fans. Ive never heard a dirtier group. An injured player on the visiting team lays hurt on the ice and after a time he stands up and the crowd boos. I have watch countless playoff games in nearly every arena and never hear anything but cheers when an injured player stands up, no matter what the team. They heckle the visiting goalie after ever single goal scored. No one else does this. LA is a city full of pretentious cocksuckers and fake dirty asshole fucks. That cesspool of a city will hopefully sink into the ocean someday soon, hope you all know how to swim.


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