Hello, my name is Surly Jacob. You may remember me from such articles as “TJ Simers is a Jackass” and “Kings Win 1-0, Holy Shit”.

My name is on this blog, but for the past month, I have not been. In a clever ruse to divine which of you really care about me, I decided to let Bobby take the reigns and watch how far the blog would fall without me. You all still seem to be here. You all failed.

I only write to you now because with the signing of Kyle Clifford, we can all finally put that lump in our throats away, back where it belongs in our women’s breasts, and focus on what really matters: Frozen Fury.

Who’s going?

Have you booked a hotel room yet? I have not. Which begs the question, whose floor will I be waking up on, confused, agitated and broke? This will be my 5th Frozen Fury and depending how the weekend goes, the 3rd I’ll remember. One game in Vegas has nearly killed me. This year we get two. I hope you all erect a small memorial in section 318 at Staples in my honor.

I might have to do one of those GoPro camera deals strapped to my head for Frozen Fury. Wait, scratch that, I already look like enough of a prick.

It’s still 2 months away, but it’s the only thing related to Kings hockey I can think about. You know why? Because there is no Kings hockey.

Offseasons blow.