Yesterday Bobby told you how the Kings need to play to beat the Ducks.

I’m here to tell you why they need to beat them.

Garbage hockey shouldn’t prosper. I may dislike the Blackhawks for what they have done to the Kings in recent years, but you can’t argue that their brand of hockey is bad for the game. Solid defense, exciting plays built off high end talent, precise execution. These things build the game’s audience. Duck hockey is a sloppy mess that belongs in beer leagues and not diluting an otherwise pristine game.

I’ve seen it argued that the Kings play a boring style of hockey, akin to the suffocatingly dull brand of hockey the New Jersey Devils exploited just over a decade ago.

Shirking a direct response as to why I disagree with that, it can not be overlooked that success in large cities like Los Angeles is important for the NHL. It gets more kids interested in the sport, youth programs started, rinks built and helps add to the talent of future drafts. Success in Anaheim accomplishes nothing beyond putting a few more ugly jersey on a few more ugly children, it adds nothing to game. The Ducks must fail.

A good benchmark for how a team’s on-ice success translates to the growth of its fan base can be seen in their advertising sales. The Ducks have weak advertising partners because companies don’t find value in the ad space they have to offer. A few local businesses and Hooters, that’s about all you’ll see at Honda Center. I’m not saying I like add in any way, only that dollars talk. I know we complain in LA about some things like the fairly consistent lameness of the Kings’ creative branding department, but the fact that no one in Anaheim has been able to use Getzlaf to sell an an ad to Rogaine speaks as much to their organizational lameness as it does to their captain’s lack of importance, despite his talent. Though it appears they don’t have much to lose, the Ducks must fall.

The Ducks are an abomination. There are thousands upon thousands of species of animals walking this magnificent earth, many of which don’t swim around in their own shit. An antelope is more menacing than a duck. I’d sooner cower before a gerbil than anything that quacks. Tigers, narwhales, sloths, seahorses, millions of fascinating insects, spiders, beautiful parrots, cats and wolves, even fucking fruit bats are more interesting than Ducks.

If you’ve ever been bored at work, clicking through random youtube videos and come across something like this and thought to yourself “why the fuck does that exist?” you know why the Anaheim Ducks must lose.

I could go on but I’m starting to get a migraine from putting this much thought into Orange County.

Make Them Pay.

Make Them Bleed.

Go Kings.

Categories: L.A. Kings Game Reports

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41 replies

  1. I’m not certain I will ever get over the genius of the quote: “Success in Anaheim accomplishes nothing beyond putting a few more ugly jersey on a few more ugly children, it adds nothing to game”

  2. Geese don’t fuck around though dude! Geese are like the pit bulls of the Avian world. The Anaheim Geese. That’s a team to fear. My wife and I got chased all the way around a pond by one a few years ago. Goose egg is what we need to leave on their doorstep tonight. Big rotten one. GFKG \X/

    • They’re not geese. That would be a compliment. They are what they are. They’re Quacks!!

    • Haha! Geese also pack as much explosives as a B-52 from relatively the same altitude! Geese, indeed, are a formidable foe!

        • I agree. We had a “frequent flyer” patient who had 2 geese in her fenced front yard. Everytime we got called to her house we requested PD and animal control because those damn things were no fucking joke! They bite hard those mother f-ers!!!!

  3. I can only say that I HATE to even think about the Schmucks. They’re the scum of the NHL. Some of you are better men than I, for you can actually sit through a Schmucks broadcast. I become nauseated when I see them, and I abhor their broadcasters … especially Brian Hayward!

    The Kings more than capable of beating the Schmucks. But what is really needed is for the Kings to make a powerful statement! They need to destroy the Schmucks! This will tell the world who controls southern California! To lose to them would be unforgivable!!

    Go Kings!!!! Take it to them!!! Clean the ice with their beaten down bodies!!!

  4. I hate to say it, but I think there are more rinks in OC than there are in the much larger LA County. I don’t know if there are more kids in OC interested in learning hockey, but it was certainly sad that the Kings couldn’t help save Culver City Ice, which was a key piece in LA’s ice skating and ice hockey history.

    • I agree. My son was an ice hockey goalie in the 1990s. We spent a lot of time there. It’s sad to see that arena disappear.

    • It is bullshit that the Kings didn’t do much more to help save that rink. The Ducks are good at youth outreach, I know that. I’m just saying sheer numbers the Ducks, even when wildly successful, do not reach that wide of an audience.

      • Generally agree with your article — but the Ducks have done much more to promote youth hockey in OC than the Kings have done here. Their organization is really solid in that regard. I hope the Kings leverage their recent success by making a similar investment in the next generation of their own fans.

        • Yeah gotta give those scumbags credit for the roller and ice rinks they bought and promote for kids to learn how to play. Unfortunately our boys cater mostly to the higher cost of ice and charge accordingly. My 8 year old son plays roller in Huntington Beach but we refuse to wear one of the Quacks learn to play jerseys. We just wear solid white or black. The Kings need to step up and do the roller hockey thing too. That’s where a lot of kids get their start, especially if you don’t have the $450 it takes to play one fricken ice season (3 months worth). GO KINGS! Rip up these bastard Ducks!!!

  5. Come on start the fucking game already. Going crazy! Play OUR game not theirs! FUCK!!!!!

    • Let’s just hope the Bruins/Canadians don’t go into OT!
      And besides the nauseating Hayward the other guy is soooo
      Boring with his could doze off IF it wasn’t my
      Beloved KINGS

      • If they do, they’ll send the OT over to the NHL Channel. The Kings puck drop will be at 7:15 on NBCSN.

  6. It matters not what style we play, because the best, most satisfying is the winning style! Just win, baby!

    I missed game 4, so I’m a little more hyper than usual for tonights ambush.

    Lets go, boys!

  7. “Stone Hands Lewis” does it again!!! Now … the rest of the team needs to get their act together!!

  8. Can’t remember the last time we’ve actually given a game away like this! We’re making beautiful passes to the other team…WTF!

    Must be Sutter’s fault!

  9. Not these Kings again.

    • Damn this is embarrassing

      • I actually turned the game off… (of course I am recording it).
        Too tough a Energy for keep checking tweets.
        I think Greener is done for..he tried..and played decent vs San Jose..but I think it did him in.
        I finally thought..lightbulb is on..he gets it…I was wrong about him. .then..bang..he is right back to
        ‘makesmeshakemyhead’ stupid play player..
        We should NEVER give up on our Boys.
        I just can’t take the stress right now.
        They can do it..shit game or not.

    • Yes, we did wonder which team would show up!

  10. So you’re saying there’s a chance?

  11. Smith-Pelly did a good job of drawing a penalty on Kopitar! That was certainly NOT a penalty!!

  12. It’s like game four. Poor LA defense, in the early part of the game, permitted the Schmucks to get a sizable lead. That team is too good to give them that kind of a lead. Muzzin and Martinez both played better in the second and third, but it was too little and too late!

  13. Probably a good time to rant about the drafting Lombardi has done. Rookies are getting outplayed by theirs.

  14. Chingow…..these ducks are good…..hate to say but they outplayed LA. Martinez, well he screwed the pootch with that pass and the piss-smelly backhand was a beaut.

  15. 1) One thing that I want to see ELIMINATED is this stupid lazy stretch pass through the neutral zone. The Ducks are sitting aggressively up front in the neutral zone: they want our forwards to skate past them because they are not gonna back off. They sit in between the puck and the long passing option and dare you to pass it through them. All while having constant first man pressure on the puck. When you don’t have short support pass options, you try a dumbass stretch pass like Martinez. Go back and look at that goal. Gaborik wasn’t even in MOTION when he was targeted with the pass. He had skated behind the Duck and had stopped, and Martinez tried to pass it past his blueline, past the redline, and through a Duck. No more of these stretch passes. We need to stick to our game, support passes out of our zone, build up speed to the neutral zone, and if they’re gonna be aggressive in the neutral zone, EVERYBODY should have the mindset of building up speed and dumping it in right when it crosses the redline, followed up by our wingers getting in on the forecheck and hitting the crap out of whoever touches the puck. If they can do that consistently it will eventually force their D to back off and will open up potential long passes.

    Another obvious is the O-Zone penalties. Just don’t. It took them like 30 seconds to score off the Williams penalty because this team still hasn’t figured out that they need to take away the cross ice pass.

    • Forgot to mention the first goal. At first I was absolutely furious with Muzzin, but then I watched the replay. Muzzin fell; it happens. Richards left his man and the center of the ice open and went after the loose puck along the boards. Stupid.


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