Father’s Day Tips and Tricks for Die-Hard L.A. Kings Fans

Here we are men, only two days ago, our Los Angeles Kings won their second Stanley Cup. It’s Sunday now and while the elation and validation is still spinning in our hearts and minds, those around us who love us want to pour more joy into our Cup full of delight.

As I usually do, I thought about our readers first and foremost and Dreeeeeeew from my own wisdom to bring you these tips and tricks that are sure to keep your day great and you out of trouble.

1. When your wife or girlfriend asks if you want to “do it”, she’s probably not referring to watching Alec Martinez’s 2OT goal.

Bonus Tip: If you’ve been married for a while, “doing it for old time’s sake” is not watching game 6 of the 2012 Stanley Cup Final.

2. “Jazz Hands” are a perfectly acceptable expression of love when you have her from behind but in the missionary position or when she’s on top, it could become too much of a good thing.

3. Spontaneous expressions of “WOO! FUCK YEAH!!” may seem totally normal to you when you think about Friday night but are best followed with “I LOVE MY FAMILY!” just to soften the delivery.

Bonus Tip: This works just as well, if not better, when you suddenly break into tears for the same reason.

4. While this video is not a substitute for sex, it most definitely qualifies as foreplay for the next three years. THIS however is a substitute for sex…I mean, come on, YES! YES! YESSS!!…that’s exactly how I sound, don’t you?

5. To avoid offending those around you who picked up sweet greeting cards, have your wife or kid read them out loud and nicely explain that it’s not because you don’t appreciate their love but it is hard to focus right now when your mind reads everything put in front of you as “We won the Stanley Cup Again!”

6. If she’s struggling to get in the mood, this should work a hell of a lot better than any porno you could buy.

Bonus Tip for the Ladies: Just before orgasm, “Oh Cartsy!” doesn’t have to be kept under your breath. For the next few weeks, we will totally understand.

7. If your wife is one of those who just lays there during sex, it is perfectly normal for you to get flashes of Henrik Lundqvist...while I don’t have a solution for this problem right now, I just wanted to provide my support.

Go Kings!

We Won the Cup AGAIN!



Categories: Surly & Scribe Humor

Tags:

8 replies

  1. #6 I have to object for the ladies here. I would argue the name is “Marty” or “Alec” or something around #27. Alec has what seems to be more (stalker) followers. He’s got the puppy eyes and a scar or two and chicks dig scars.. He certainly has a wetness factor for the ladies right now!

  2. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to All ot there in STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS
    Land!!!
    ALLKINGSALLTHETIME
    WWTCA

  3. If I was Martinez I think I’d have to make Nickson’s call my ring tone for a few months.

  4. How about this fuckin team right here? I want Quickie to be out of control at the rally. Maybe even Trevor Lewis will get all shitty. :)

  5. Viva la señora reina de Los Angeles!!!
    Somos campeones de la mundo!!!
    Chingow!!!!!!!!!

  6. Surly it was awesome to run into you at the JW Marriot after the cup win, Im still geeked about that game… lets get that podcast going here soon boys. Bobby nice suit.

  7. Haha! This is one of the best posts I’ve read in a while!

    Thanks for the laugh!

Got Something to Say? Bring it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,048 other followers

%d bloggers like this: