Author Archives: Surly Jacob

In Breaking News, 1 Goal Is Not Enough To Defeat NY Islanders

February 11, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game loss report or review Tags: , , , 40 Comments

It was a battle of nitwits.

Skill vs. Toughness.

Brawn vs. Finesse.

The sole sniper with a single bullet and an eagle eye in the brush vs. the wild spray of the blind barbarian’s machine gun fire.

The barbarian is on the ground, a bloody hole amid his brow.

Mark Streit, oh captain, their captain, ended a 1-1 tie shortly into overtime to send the Kings to Dallas to finish out their road trip, where they can at best garner 5 points out of a possible 12 before heading back to Staples.

Ugh.

Hey, at least is was a fairly exciting game. Quick made some fantastic plays as the small but talented Islanders forward bunch darted in and out of the slot in the Kings end. He also smacked Parental Abuse Parenteau down to the ice which was highly amusing. Gotta love the edge our boy Quick has added to his game this year. Jordan Nolan put us all on the edges of our seats at least 4 times with would be first NHL goal in first NHL game scoring chances. Finish? Hah, at this point we should consider the chances themselves to be strokes of genius luck. Dwight King didn’t suck, Doughty played one of his better games and Andrei Loktionov scored his first goal of the season. Huzzah!

Huz… Hu… Well after that it’s more like a Beavis & Butthead “huh-huh-huh”. Because you’d have to be an idiot to smirk at anything else that the Kings have done lately.

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We Play The NY Islanders At What Time? An Openly Annoyed Forum

February 10, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , , , 77 Comments

There is a conspiracy against me to inhibit me from watching any more Kings games. It’s what Matthew Barry might refer to as being ‘blessed’ but I find disturbing. Disturbing mostly due to the fact that I’m not all that upset about it. There was a time not too long ago that I agonized over missing even a single period of LA Kings hockey yet here I am today, tired after an exhausting week, having missed the last 4 games and having little intention of waking up earlier than I have to on a Saturday morning in order not to miss a 5th. I’m about as fond of watching hockey at 10am as I am sunbathing at midnight.

Sure, one could say my apathy is largely because it’s not easy to get riled up to watch the Kings take on a team that may just be duller to watch than they are, the New York Islanders. You wouldn’t be totally wrong to say that. But you’d be missing the far more depressing point that watching a team you love struggle to score at a pace that would have been bad even for the decrepit New Jersey neutral zone trap era of clutching and grabbing is not a recipe for a spicy weekend.

Still, with Dwight King and Jordan Nolan set to make their 2011-2012 NHL debuts as top six wingers, roles they weren’t pegged to reach in the duration of their NHL careers, who better for us to play than the NY Islanders, who have been making top 6 forwards out of bottom 6 forwards for over a decade. Take note young ones, just because you are in bigger shoes than your feet can fill does not mean you shouldn’t be able to score dem goals.

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Dean Lombardi’s Big Deadline Move

February 10, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News Tags: , , , , , 36 Comments

A trade?! Not in the traditional sense. But a roster move has been made. Jarret Stoll has gone to the IR with a lower body injury, which can only mean his uterus is swollen. In his place comes Anze Kopitar’s favorite linemate, Dwight King and the guy I called for several moons ago, Jordan Nolan.

But before I get to those moves, let’s discuss how one injured forward necessitates replacement by two rookie forwards. Slava Voynov and his waiver exemptedness (I make up words when I’m upset) is AHL bound.

Carrying 8 defensemen, as the Kings have done for most of the season, is generally a silly thing to do, particularly when you don’t rotate your 6th defensemen regularly. Slava Voynov filled in admirably for Drew Doughty when wunderkind went down with a case of the contracts in preseason and then missed a chunk of games with a case of the dizzies a few weeks later.

That spot duty earned Slava the honor of usurping Alec Martinez’ role as 6th defensemen. Slava did so well in fact that he eventually earned himself Jack Johnson’s top 4 spot.

Oh how the times have changed.

I haven’t seen the last 4 games because of various circumstances, so I don’t really know what Voynov did to play himself off the roster. I can’t speak to how good Martinez has been since finally getting another chance to play after an extended forced sabbatical. What I do know is that during this time, Davis Drewiske, the home-grown boy who never complains, has played a whopping 7 games to Voynov’s 33 and Martinez’ 26. Amusingly, Davis has 2 goals in his 7 games, but come on, Scott Parse, who is as healthy as a tumor, has played more games this season than Davis, whose fiddle is quite fit. Is that dirty? It sounds dirty. Continue reading →

Superblow Me

February 5, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News Tags: , , , 15 Comments

Think of the game of hockey. Easy enough.

Picture the last ten Kings games. A bipolar affair.

Imagine there were none before it and the playoffs started now. Why?

Now say we play Phoenix next game and we win. Their season is now over.

You have to wait a week for the next Kings game. It’s against San Jose. We win! Niemi had an off night but too bad, no more hockey in Northern California for 4 months.

Another week drags by and we play Detroit. Oh boy. The game goes to OT and we win on a questionable call by the referee. yippee!

No hockey now for two weeks. Crosby’s team hasn’t even seen the ice for almost a month but still, every damn radio and tv station won’t shut up about him. The Kings are all set to play the Bruins. One game, winner take all. People are excited about the game but even more so, millions set their DVRs so they don’t miss the $4 million Big Bear Mountain Ski Resort commercial. I hear it has singing dogs and monkeys masturbating.

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I Forgot To Record The LA Kings @ St. Louis Blues Game – Open Forum

February 3, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey pregame report or preview Tags: , , , , , 46 Comments

The Kings embark on an annoyingly long roadtrip tonight, starting with a game against the St. Louis Blues.

We’ve kicked ass against the Blues this year, but we’ve kicked our own ass often enough for Coach Sutter to implement some interesting line changes tonight. The first line stays the same, the rest get a makeover.

Kyle Clifford – Mike Richards – Dustin Penner
Brad Richardson – Jarret Stoll – Trevor Lewis
Trent Hunter – Colin Fraser – Kevin Westgarth

This both concerns and excites me. Kyle Clifford has been regaining the brutally awesome step he gained last year in the playoffs. So the working theory that his ferocious and fearless play will help to elevate to completely lackluster performances of Mike Richards and Dustin Penner is good… as a theory. My breath is bated by the notion that Clifford has been working so hard in part because of the make-up and chemistry of his line with Fraser and Westgarth. Continue reading →

Where The Hell We Were, Where The Hell We’re Going

January 30, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings Opinion articles by lakingsnews.com Tags: , , , 8 Comments

The All-Star game is over and done with, it’s manufactured fanfare a thing of dust on Jeremy Roenick’s overactive and unappealing lungs.

There will be no more extended breaks in the mad dash to the playoffs over the next 32 games. Starting Wednesday the Kings will never have more than 3 consecutive days off without a game and even that will happen only twice. 7 back to backs, all of which involve travel. A March schedule that features games against Boston, Vancouver, St. Louis, San Jose, Chicago and all three of Nashville, Anaheim and Detroit twice. If the Kings thought they were tired before they were mistaken. Tired is what’s to come.

Player-X already wrote an article I don’t think I read about the playoffs, our point totals and some general umbrage toward Hammond. As you have probably noticed I haven’t been around much the last two weeks. If you haven’t noticed, well then I suppose we aren’t as close as I thought and I’m sad. I’ve been busy with work fluctuations and personal onslaughts and my thought time for the Kings has been diminished. So I thought what better way to jump back into this gurgling cauldron I helped concoct than to assess the performance of our Kings before this final respite and what I expect it to be after. Continue reading →

Kevin Westgarth To The Rescue! Ottawa Senators Vs LA Kings Game Day

January 23, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey pregame report or preview Tags: , , , 9 Comments

The pattern of win-loss-win-loss-win-loss-win-loss-win under Darryl Sutter has been broken. We’ve lost two in a row. A travesty. A sham. An injustice.

Times like these call for drastic measures. Times like these call for Kevin Westgarth.

For once I don’t laud Westy’s insertion into the lineup entirely sarcastically. My bemusement is twofold. Ottawa is tough. They have more than their fare share of goons, thugs and generally unpleasant assholes. Also, Trent Hunter, who Westy is replacing, is less useful than the slab of meat in a cold locker that people like Westgarth use for training purposes. Westgarth has actually been a fairly decent player in what few games he has had this season. Hunter we expect to score though he doesn’t bother. We expect less from Kevin and by simple virtue of perspective we are therefore happier with him in the lineup. Relativity is our friend.

So there you have it. Westgarth will play and we will win. Completely relatable, linear facts. Continue reading →

An Avalanche Of Suck – Kings Lose 3-1

January 21, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game report and review Tags: , , , , , 27 Comments

Bobby just had to stress regulation. “We must win in regulation!” he cried in a post that saw him forget how the hockey gods work.

Instead the Kings lost in regulation for just the second time under Darryl Sutter, once again managing just a single measly goal for the second consecutive game. It wasn’t pretty and Jonathan Quick’s only birthday surprise was 2 minutes added to his penalty record.

One could say that the lack of offense killed the Kings once again, nothing new for this season. They did after all control their fair share of the game if we just forget the first period ever happened. Had they not been unwillingly to shoot on a late third period powerpla… Sorry, boob, perhaps this game goes to overtime tied 2-2. One could just say J.S. Giguere was on point tonight, which he was, suffocating chances in that tiresome style of boring play with which we are all too familiar. One could also say energy was an issue, as Jim Fox repeatedly did during the telecast. One probably should say that.

But I prefer to say that sloppy play in the defensive zone did the Kings in tonight much like it did against Calgary on Thursday. Limp wrists led to limp dicks. An inability to put that extra little zip on the puck at the end of a pass or a dump down the ice caused ample turnovers. The Colorado Avalanche raised no objections.

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Things I Learned While Trying to Stay Awake As The Flames Won 2-1 In A Shootout

January 19, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game loss report or review Tags: , , , , , 33 Comments

Jonathan Quick is not a god, but rather a demigod and therefore will sometimes just get beat. I felt Iginla’s shot in my loins. Oh well.

Since we are on the subject, Voynov puts more weight behind his shots than Penner puts into the maple syrup bottle to squeeze out those last few drops. His shot is heavier than your average Texan. I kind of want to see him set up at the dots on the PP, let Richards run the point.

Penner played pretty well. Most of the team played well. No one played poorly. However I can’t say I noticed Trent Hunter on the ice more than twice and yet I noticed Clifford and Fraser constantly.

On a similar note, when did Richards become the weak link on his line? OK I suppose by his high standard he played poorly. But this has become his standard over the past several games. Could it be a bona fide slump? On this Kings team? Never.

Iginla wants to hump Dustin Brown. The refs also want to see Iginla hump Brown.

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Flames vs. L.A. Kings Game Day – Sutter Brothers’ Grudge Match From Hell

January 19, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , 34 Comments

Grrrrr. Darryl no likey Brent. Brent no likey Darryl. Neither likey losing and mirrors no likey either of them.

As we recall from the Kings sound thumping of the Flames only 4 days ago, no one wanted to ask about the elephant in the room, that two storied brothers faced off in a head-to-head match of venom and bile. Reporters tried their best not to mention this tenuously strained relationship and its implications on the ice, sure to result in brutal fisticuffs between the two bench bosses, but Darryl and Brent Sutter couldn’t help themselves and extolled to reporters how much more important games between the Flames and the Kings are now.

From the LAKingsOutsider:

Question: Do you think the Flames will be looking for payback because the Kings snapped Calgary’s unbeaten home winning streak?

Darrly Sutter: “Of course Brent is looking for payback. He’s always been the uglier brother. People have often compared me to Sloth from The Goonies. Well if I’m Sloth then Brent is Darth Vader without his helmet. Brent’s been looking for payback ever since Momma Sutter used up the last of the good looks on me and Brian.

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Well, We’re Fucked

January 15, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , , , 19 Comments

I knew the Edmonton Oilers were a strong offensive team. I admit I am highly envious of their leading scorer, Jordan Eberle, who I just love to watch. I haven’t seen much thus far of their second leading scorer, the infant Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Does anyone else ever imagine that Ted Nugent raped Bernard Hopkins and shat out this kid? A glance at the horrible misfortune of Ryan’s underdeveloped face lends credence to this notion of his progeny. Second on the Oilers in goals is the Colin Fraser equivalent Ryan Smyth, who is also third in points. Toddler Taylor Hall is fourth.

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When 116 assists halfway through a season only gets you 4th in team scoring, it doesn’t really matter how good your defense is or how All Starry of a goalie you have, you’re fucked. The Kings may as well just mail this one in. It’s hopeless.

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Offensive Juggernaut L.A. Kings Hogtie Local Hicks, Calgary Flames

January 14, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game report and review Tags: , , , , , 38 Comments

We are just going to go ahead and pretend like the 2-goal or less period of depression never happened.

We’ll conveniently forget that just 4 games ago the Kings didn’t manage a regulation goal for something like 140 minutes.

This team doesn’t struggle offensively. This team scores goals. Goals in bunches, goals every which way. Even Matt Greene scores goals, I almost rhymed right here, but that would be wrong. The best and most amusing part about the recent offensive outbursts have been that when Sutter came in he said the NHL was a “3-2 league”. Well the Kings still haven’t scored 3 goals in a game under Sutter, yet they’ve won 7 games and still only lost 1 in regulation. They’ve scored 4 goals 4 times and 5 once and 2 or less in the rest of the games since his takeover of very serious hugs.

Moving on to the game, our boys struggled a bit in the first period, looking a little lackadaisical once again at the drop of the puck. The Calgary Flames tried their damnedest to put the Kings on their heels, but unlike in the Dallas game the defense held strong. Then in the second, as is quickly becoming the norm under Sutter, the Kings came flying out of the gate. Whatever speech Sutter gives during the first intermission, he should start giving before the game.

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Collective Sigh Of Relief For Kopitar

January 13, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings videos, NHL Officiating Tags: , , , 35 Comments

The man says he’s fine. He says he should play tomorrow in Calgary.

Thank the gods I don’t believe in nor like very much, since after finally seeing a replay of the hit, if Kopitar truly is OK he deserves the title of Iron Man.

Ouch.

So it looks like there was no contact with the head by Morrow. I see it as a blindside hit, but I may be in the minority on that one. It’s a fine line between charging/blindsiding and taking a clean run at a guy who doesn’t have his head up. For me the difference comes from the fact that Kopitar was already covered going behind the net and that Morrow comes in at an obtuse angle from Kopi’s direction. Kopi is already dealing with Alex Goligoski hounding him from behind, and that’s where his attention was, so it’s not entirely just a case of a guy who isn’t paying attention. It’s a guy who is preoccupied with one player getting leveled by another. I won’t say it’s absolutely clean, because this hit walks a fine line for me, but I’m willing to acquiesce to it’s legality. I still reserve the right to want Morrow’s spine smashed repeatedly by cross-checks the next time we play the Stars. Continue reading →

Steers, Queers & Steve Ott – Dallas Stars @ LA Kings

January 12, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , , , 59 Comments

I was going to edit together a video. It was going to be funny. But I went to a Yoga class last night, came home and then died. Turns out my sore corpse would rather just watch the season premiere of Ax Men than edit a video. The video was going to use some poorly executed visual effects to put Steve Ott into this video.

So just imagine Steve Ott on the left. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It was funny in my head.

While Steve Ott may not be originally from Texas, it is appropriate that he plays there since a state that loves executing its denizens as much as Los Angeles loves fake boobs is about the only place where a putrid wretch like Ott would be welcome. Kyle Clifford’s renewed vigor couldn’t be timed any better. I think I’d like to see the kid take another swing at a Gordie Howe hat trick. Continue reading →

What To Do With Andrei Loktionov

January 10, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News Tags: , , 27 Comments

I’ve seen and heard much talk about Andrei Loktionov lately. How is he performing? Should he stay with the Kings or be swapped for someone in Manchester like Brandon Kozun, Linden Vey or Marc-Andre Cliche? Opinions vary though one thing is certain, Loki is a scorer who isn’t scoring.

OK sure, Kopitar is a scorer who isn’t scoring much lately, along with the majority of the Kings’ roster. But when the Kings do manage to pot their share of goals, like they did last night against Washington, Loktionov’s name is all too absent from the stat sheet for a guy who is first and foremost a playmaking center. As such, we have to consider his linemates. He isn’t centering Dustin Brown, he is centering Brad Richardson, a workhorse spark plug and Trevor Lewis, a defense first, defense last forward. Loki himself is not a very good shooter and his vision and passing abilities are often wasted on Richie and Lewis who we only really expect to finish their checks. The trio, while being the best line Loki has been a part of this season, also has 3 goals between them (all belonging to Brad Richardson) and 6 measly assists. Lowest scoring team in the NHL or not, is 4 points in 22 games enough to warrant the continued ice time of a forward who is not large, does not play physical, isn’t all that fast and does not play special teams.

Ah, but there is the crux of my opinion concerning Andrei Loktionov, special teams.

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Kings Fist Capitals 5-2

January 9, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game loss report or review Tags: , , , 40 Comments

Sometimes a photo tells the story.

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Sometimes a photo pisses people off, like this one did when I snapped it while yelling “Say cheese losers!”

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Other times you just need to close your eyes, bow your head and appreciate a simple fact: that was fucking awesome.

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Clitsome Scores, Kings Don’t. A Ballad

January 7, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game win report or review Tags: , , , 43 Comments

I’m disgusted. That last powerplay should be considered Jamie Kompon’s exit interview. Sutter wouldn’t even let him talk to the players during the time out. But anyways, I’m too upset to think or write rationally, so instead here’s a song. Now you have to sing this in your head like Frank Sinatra doing a ballad.

***

When your girlfriend sighs in bed, Clitsome.
When she goes to sleep instead, Clitsome.

Don’t just blame the girl,
You’re ugly, you make her hurl,
So you can’t forget to Clitsome

When there’s no power to your play, Clitsome.
When she tells you ‘just go away’, Clitsome.

If you think she’s gonna leave,
Take a breath roll up a sleeve
Get yourself some Clitsome. Continue reading →

Bernie Nicholls – Legend, Consultant, Coach?

January 4, 2012 By in L.A. Kings News, LA Kings Hockey Tags: , , 36 Comments

You have a few options available to you when it comes to getting Kings’ information. You can go to the team Insider, Rich Hammond, for interviews, game reports and press-releases in the disguise of blog posts. You can go to Gann Matsuda’s Frozen Royalty for some good quotes and, indeed, light commentary on the team. You can read Mayor’s Manor for the standard interviews (as he is in the media scrum with the others) as well as those no one cares or dares to post and fun information on prospects and former Kings’ alumni who come through town. For statistical analysis, you go to Jewels From The Crown. If you are on a meme kick, it’s off to The Royal Half you go for some fun. For the good old fashion kind of reporting, the kind that has information, opinion and the backing of independent media, your only choice is Helene Elliott of the LA Times, buoyed by Lisa Dillman. Or you can do the right thing and come here to Surly & Scribe for some raucous commentary, temporary insanity and unfiltered discussion.

So when you read that former Kings’ great Bernie Nicholls was on the ice for Kings’ practice this morning, where did you go for information and where did your mind go afterward? Did you read Rich Hammond tell us that:

Officially, the Kings are saying Nicholls is “in L.A. for a couple days”

Or did you read the Mayor (which Hammond also later posted):

When asked how long he’ll be here, he (Nicholls) offered a simple, “I have no idea.”

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NHL Referee Stephen Walkom & Colorado Avalanche Best LA Kings 2-1 In Shootout

January 3, 2012 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game loss report or review Tags: , , , , , , , 35 Comments

You may remember a referee by the name of Dean Morton.

Google him, see what you find.

Tonight, a similar treatment will be bestowed unceremoniously upon NHL referee Stephen Walkom.

But first, since Scribe decided with the New Year comes a new post game style, I will follow suit… sort of. I’m a team player, but I don’t take orders kindly, so while I will follow Scribe’s endeavor to revamp our post game reports, I shall do so in my own way.

What The Hell Did I See?

For the majority of the game, I saw the Los Angeles Kings have their way with the Colorado Avalanche. This shouldn’t come as a surprise. They are without star center Matt Duchene, they are led on paper by curly-haired adolescent dufus Ryan O’Reilly and led in the locker room by the curdled milk equivalent Milan Hejduk. We kid Hejduk, we here at S&S thoroughly support the advancement for the facially and mentally handicapped. Continue reading →

Kings Lose Odd War Of Attrition Against Jets In OT

December 29, 2011 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game report and review Tags: , , , 26 Comments

What the hell was that?

It was a goaltender duel. Sort of…

It was a high-flying game. Yeah…

It was a tight defensive battle. Not by a long shot…

A sloppy but fun mess? That’s the one.

At least the goal recap is easy to write. Evander Kane scored the only goal of the game in overtime. The goal came off what seemed like a mild turnover, more of a lost board battle with Johnson in too deep (as soon as the Kings crossed the offensive blue line on that play I thought “Jack, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”). The Kings hustled back. Penner played D, then wandered off to the point as Mitchell went to the front of the net where a clusterfuck ensued off Ron Hainsey’s goofy bumbling of the puck, leaving Kane all alone at the goal mouth to pull the puck away from a stick-checking Bernier and score into what was essentially an empty net with all the time and space for which a forward could ask.

1-0. The fastest, most defensively putrid game of its kind.
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L.A. Kings At Chicago Blackhawks: Open Game Forum

December 28, 2011 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey Pre Game Report or preview Tags: , , , 45 Comments

I actually think this father’s trip is well timed. Chicago, as fairly recent Cup champs present an “up-and-at-’em” type of vibe, not that it has meant much in terms of our recent record against them. The added invigoration of having almost all the dads in attendance can be a very good motivator. Guys always want to show their daddies how good they can do, for either positive pride or Oedipal vengeance. I have to wonder if the group papa parade coinciding with the Kings breaking out of their 2-goal dystopia is anything but directly correlated.

On the Gagne front, if Loktionov can’t up his own ante after a three game benching and an unfortunate miracle for his NHL paycheck, then it won’t be much of a shame if he goes back down whether by quick recovery of Simon or replacement by another. I refuse to accept that Hunter is still being considered as a legitimate option for any role on this team. Call me an optimistic.

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Conversations From The Kings’ Fathers Dinner

December 28, 2011 By in L.A. Kings News, Surly & Scribe Skits Tags: , , 8 Comments

Once in a while there is an undercover mission I simply am not cut out for undertaking. When Scribe and I heard about the Kings’ Fathers trip, I realized this was one of those missions. I wanted to take it on, but what is a handsome young guy to do, dress up as a piece of luggage? No, this mission called for the expertise of one man, a man we call Bobby.

I phoned Scribe and told him how all of the fathers of Kings players were gathering for their traditional trip. “Surly, what can I do to help?” he asked. “Simple,” I replied, “You are going to infiltrate as one of the Kings’ fathers.”

“That’s crazy” he insisted.

“What’s crazy about it?” I posed.

“Who is going to believe I’m old enough to be their father?”

“Why anyone who is in their early-to-mid twenties, naturally.” Continue reading →

Kings Get The Gift Of Labarbera And Beat Coyotes 4-3

December 26, 2011 By in Los Angeles Kings hockey post game report and review Tags: , , , 21 Comments

A non sequitur.

I brought my fiancé to the game. She doesn’t come to many, this being her first of the season. She has to do her girly thing during the second intermission and it takes a girly amount of time, meaning she misses Mitchell’s and Brown’s goals in the third. She finally arrives and starts to walk up the isle of section 315… While play is in progress. What is a guy to do? Being a man of principle, there is only one thing to do. I yell. “You can’t walk up here during play!”. Meanwhile she’s shoving her way past disgruntled Kings fans. Shame on my household, on my good Surly name. Mrs. Surly, reinforcing her man’s namesake. As she sits down, that constant thorn in our side Daymond Langkow scores.

So you can blame one goal against on Mrs. Surly.

The other two, you can blame on Quick, or if you are feeling more venomous, as I texted to Scribe, “Raffi Cocksuck fuckface asslick dickhole bitchtaint Torres.”. Now that the requisite cursing and griping is out of the way, we can finally discuss the game.

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