The hockey gods are not like your average Judeo-Christian god. They do not work in mysterious ways, they play their cards right in your face, often imbued with a Gambit-like charge. Tonight the hockey gods balanced the books. First off, Quick misplaying the puck behind the net and giving away the game winning overtime goal, that was epic. I mean, the fucking worst thing I've ever seen, but in … [Read more...]
Kings @ Blues – Round 1 Game 1: A Familiar Scent
April 30, 2013 By 30 Comments
I've always wondered about those Colorado teams from the early 2000s, the ones that kicked our asses throughout the regular seasons and twice ended our playoff dreams. Did their fans hate the Kings as much as I vehemently hated their team? I don't have to wonder anymore. No, they didn't. Because they walked away with the series wins. Hello, St. Louis Blues, meet your 2000-2002 Colorado … [Read more...]
The Fan I Was, The Fan I Am
April 29, 2013 By 32 Comments
I suppose you've noticed that content on this site has been lacking this season. It's been a long time since I've written a real article. There is a good reason for that. This article is that reason, both in its point and its conception. You see, I have been writing this article, quite literally, throughout the entire season. My life as a Los Angeles Kings fan has been an evolution. The … [Read more...]
#PlayoffProblems
April 27, 2013 By 8 Comments
No matter the outcome of tonight's games, one thing is certain about tomorrow. Playoff Beard season officially begins. As I'm sure most you who don't have lame jobs that require you to look like a searsucked Dolphin's asshole, you will have the same dilemma I do. Shave what you got and start a new playoff beard, or keep the one you've got going. Sounds like a poll question. … [Read more...]
San Jose @ Kings – A Tale of Two Games
April 27, 2013 By 19 Comments
Two games matter today, and perhaps the most important one will not be played by the Kings. How St. Louis fares against Chicago will determine whether or not home ice is even a possibility for our Kings, and we should know this by the time the puck drops for the Kings game against San Jose. This will tickle you in places better left unseen, tonight Chicago is sitting... Well, almost everyone. … [Read more...]
What I Watched Instead of the Kings Game
April 25, 2013 By 13 Comments
My life is a little worse now. … [Read more...]
A Video, An Update & A Hockey Game
April 21, 2013 By
So a clinched playoff spot, eh? Not bad for a day off. I meant to write a pregame today. I didn't. Get over it. Here's a video to watch. Here an update: We should be announcing the winners of the Replica Ring contest later this week. Sorry it's taken so long. No, I take that back. I'm not sorry, someone's getting a free ring, I'll take as long as I want. Here's another thing: If a … [Read more...]
Columbus @ Kings – Can Of Whoop Ass, Opened
April 18, 2013 By
Matt Greene, folks. Matt motherfucking Greene. The guy who, two years ago, many complained about for the exact same reasons they now complain about Robyn Regehr, has overwhelmed the fandom with brutality and a toughness only Rob Scuderi can match, making them all but forget about his poor foot speed and average passing. I don't believe its been confirmed that he is playing tonight, but it looks … [Read more...]
Jonathan’s Quick
April 13, 2013 By
I'm not writing a post game. It's almost 2am in New York and I got shit to do tomorrow before returning home to Los Angeles. However after watching the Kings defeat the Ducks 2-1 at a local Irish Bar where I tried to focus on hockey amidst top 40 music and a drunken Irishman asking me endless questions about hockey (none of which I could understand), I feel compelled to share a distinct thought … [Read more...]
Davis, We Hardly Knew You
April 2, 2013 By
Per Darren Dreger, Davis Drewiske will wear a Montreal Canadiens uniform... in practice... maybe in a game. Kings sent the good old boy to the Habs for a 5th round pick in the 2013 Draft. Kind of a bummer, I've always been a big fan of Drewiske. Or, atleast as big a fan as you can be of someone who never plays. Drewiske will be remembered for his solid defensive play, sportsmanship, … [Read more...]
Buffalo Has Too Many Girly Names on Team, Trades Robyn Regehr to Kings
April 1, 2013 By
Robyn Regehr is an LA King, or so the twitterverse would have us believe. The trade has yet to be made official Jon Rosen confirms, its official, but word is the Kings are sending two 2nd round picks to the Buffalo Sabres for the war torn defensemen. If you don't know much about Regehr, well then you're a bandwagon fan and need to do some homework. We don't believe in homework, nor are we … [Read more...]
Only Six Days Left for a Free Replica Ring
March 26, 2013 By
The Stanley Cup replica ring contest ends at midnight on March 31st. I've received many good entries, but nothing that can't be topped, so come on folks and get those pictures, videos, musings or whatever the hell you want out to my email. If you need a refresher on the rules and details, they can be found in the original contest listing here. Winners will be announced shortly after the … [Read more...]
Kings @ Chicago – Why All The Goyem?
March 25, 2013 By
There are really no Jews in the NHL. I think Matthieu Schneider was Jewish, and I think Noah Clarke, but he barely counts. It's a shame, I know plenty of Israeli's who play hockey in high school, and Israeli's tend to be Jews. It's only a matter of time before a handful of them make it into the NHL. Hell, we've got a Slovenian and an Eskimo, we can gets us a Jew or six, maybe even a … [Read more...]
Dallas @ Kings – Tulips In Texas
March 21, 2013 By
Having just knocked the Phoenix Coyotes from their indignant stupor into one of despair, the Kings are in great position to take two more points from a division rival tonight against the Dallas Stars. The Western Conference is finally starting to show some separation, and the Stars are rightfully finding themselves sliding down the ladder. Still, the Stars won a rather embarrassing game against … [Read more...]
Phoenix @ Kings, Phoenix @ Kings
March 18, 2013 By
*mini update for 3/19 game* Bernier is in net! Well rotated goaltenders! *end mini update* I refuse to write two game threads for these games. We haven't even played them yet and I already find tonight and tomorrow against the Coyotes exasperating purely on principle. Seems Quick is in tonight, which is minimally acceptable only providing that Bernier plays tomorrow. Though my faith … [Read more...]
Kings @ Sharks – It’s About Damn Time
March 14, 2013 By
Halfway through the season and there is a division rival we haven't yet faced. It's goofy, it's wrong. I knew there was a certain animosity my enjoyment of this season was lacking. San Jose, as I'm sure you know, got off to their usual rip roaring, yet meaningless start. Well, it was meaningful in that it prevented San Jose from being at the bottom of the league right now. Though they only … [Read more...]
Kings @ Coyotes – Cursing With Impunity In My Living Room
March 12, 2013 By
So there I am, sitting, minding my own business when this guy, all smiles, walks up to my nearly empty aisle and sits down next to Bobby. He grins his goofy grin, the kind that can only mean you aren't going to like what he has to say, but god bless him he's trying, and then he makes the mistake of opening his mouth. "So I know you are having your fun and hey, I appreciate that!" he begins. … [Read more...]
Calgary @ Kings – These Assholes Again?
March 11, 2013 By
This goofy season presents us the first set of back to back home games against one team. This week we get to look at the Flames and all the Calgary based, hat wearin' weirdos that come with them before having to suffer the Phoenix Coyotes next Monday and Tuesday. Looks like we won't be seeing Toffoli tonight, which is fine. Maybe tomorrow, since we have the back to back and Sutter said the … [Read more...]
Fly Toffoli Fly
March 10, 2013 By
So apparently Tyler Toffoli is on his way to Los Angeles and Kings fans across the globe nation California Los Angeles few thousand La-Z-Boys, are jumping up and down like giddy children. The Kings top prospect, tearing up the AHL for months, could be playing his first NHL game as soon as tomorrow. The collective dampness in the pants of male and female Kings fans alike is pulpy. And just as … [Read more...]
Flames @ Kings – Win it for Hrudey!
March 9, 2013 By
Calgary, what more rhymes can I make than haven't been said, You once were, but no more, are a team that I dread. We lost our last game but tonight won't be the same, we shall take you like a strange dame and give you the Dexter treatment - maim, tear from you your shame and snuff you like a flame. It looks as if Jonathan Quick will be the Kings netminder to start, Will we get our Cup goalie … [Read more...]
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