It was a rough day. Coughing, hacking, trying to stay vertical and shake a fever. Taking my normally healthy diet into overdrive and self-medicating, I knew around 4:30 there was no way I was going to make this game, tempted as I was to attend, somehow jump over the glass and into the St. Louis Blues bench and cough and release contagion on anything that wears a musical note on their … [Read more...]
The Reports of Our Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated – L.A. Kings Win Game 3
May 4, 2013 By 17 Comments
Blues @ Kings – Round 1 Game 3 – Not A Must Win, A Will Win
May 4, 2013 By 12 Comments
So that whole spiel I gave you a few days back about the quality of my day not being determined by the previous game's outcome? Yeah, that all went out the window yesterday. Took me until about 8pm to stop feeling like crap about Thursday's game two loss. But now? Now I feel FAN-fucking-tastic. I get to see live playoff hockey tonight. Kings playoff hockey, no less! The energy is already in … [Read more...]
Don’t Be Scaping No Goats
May 3, 2013 By 19 Comments
How quickly we become spoiled. From four consecutive 3-0 leads in playoff series, to being down 2-0 and oh hockey gods, why hast thou forsaken us? I know! I know! It's because Ellerby sucks! And, and and, Muzzin's too inexperienced! And that fucking prick Jonathan Quick let in two suck ass game winners! Stupid Kopitar won't shoot the puck. Regehr is slow and I miss my 2nd round picks. … [Read more...]
Los Angeles Kings @ St. Louis Blues: West Quarter Final Game 2
May 3, 2013 By 20 Comments
Post Game Anal. Because anal is short for analysis. And as if you needed to ask: This is another article by Kelsey Eyes. I finally crawled out of my bunker after Tuesday night’s spectacular flub to the Blues, the scent of Crown Royal and Birthday Cake-flavoured ice cream radiating from my pores (note to Canadian Speller’s Anonymous: I’ve relapsed). I spent my entire Wednesday in a creepy … [Read more...]
A Purpose for Penner
May 1, 2013 By 22 Comments
This is another piece from newcomer Kelsey Eyes. Some of you asked what proves she knows anything about hockey. This article probably isn't that proof, but you also asked what a girl perspective brings, and this article definitely does that... Because like most of my experiences with women, I have no idea what the hell she is talking about and yet I still managed to enjoy it. **Note: This … [Read more...]
Confession of a Wayward Puck Slut
May 1, 2013 By 50 Comments
So we've got a new voice for you here at Surly & Scribe. She fancies herself a scribe, and she's certainly surly, but she calls herself Kelsey Eyes. Why Eyes? You tell me. Nice eyes... crazy (for some reason she wouldn't go with Crazy Kelsey), but nice. And yeah, she's got a purty mouth, and according to her, tits, even though a picture she posted on her twitter before the first game … [Read more...]
Blues Takes Game One In OT – Deep Breaths All Around
April 30, 2013 By 22 Comments
The hockey gods are not like your average Judeo-Christian god. They do not work in mysterious ways, they play their cards right in your face, often imbued with a Gambit-like charge. Tonight the hockey gods balanced the books. First off, Quick misplaying the puck behind the net and giving away the game winning overtime goal, that was epic. I mean, the fucking worst thing I've ever seen, but in … [Read more...]
Kings @ Blues – Round 1 Game 1: A Familiar Scent
April 30, 2013 By 30 Comments
I've always wondered about those Colorado teams from the early 2000s, the ones that kicked our asses throughout the regular seasons and twice ended our playoff dreams. Did their fans hate the Kings as much as I vehemently hated their team? I don't have to wonder anymore. No, they didn't. Because they walked away with the series wins. Hello, St. Louis Blues, meet your 2000-2002 Colorado … [Read more...]
The Fan I Was, The Fan I Am
April 29, 2013 By 32 Comments
I suppose you've noticed that content on this site has been lacking this season. It's been a long time since I've written a real article. There is a good reason for that. This article is that reason, both in its point and its conception. You see, I have been writing this article, quite literally, throughout the entire season. My life as a Los Angeles Kings fan has been an evolution. The … [Read more...]
#PlayoffProblems
April 27, 2013 By 8 Comments
No matter the outcome of tonight's games, one thing is certain about tomorrow. Playoff Beard season officially begins. As I'm sure most you who don't have lame jobs that require you to look like a searsucked Dolphin's asshole, you will have the same dilemma I do. Shave what you got and start a new playoff beard, or keep the one you've got going. Sounds like a poll question. … [Read more...]
San Jose @ Kings – A Tale of Two Games
April 27, 2013 By 19 Comments
Two games matter today, and perhaps the most important one will not be played by the Kings. How St. Louis fares against Chicago will determine whether or not home ice is even a possibility for our Kings, and we should know this by the time the puck drops for the Kings game against San Jose. This will tickle you in places better left unseen, tonight Chicago is sitting... Well, almost everyone. … [Read more...]
What I Watched Instead of the Kings Game
April 25, 2013 By 13 Comments
My life is a little worse now. … [Read more...]
Monarchs Clinch Playoff Spot – Fuck the Bears
April 22, 2013 By
Going into this past weekend, the Monarchs had three away games left to play and a lot of ground to cover. Frankly, I was worried. Every streak comes to an end, so knowing that the guys were rolling into a threesome riding a four-game winning streak had me shitting bricks. Especially because just like last weekend’s trifecta (of awesome), these were games they needed to win. So what the hell … [Read more...]
Kings Beat Stars 4-2 in Regulation (not a typo)…
April 21, 2013 By
Incompetent. That is what the refs and linesmen were tonight. A high stick that was actually called by the linesman (unless he lifted his arm to smell his pit) and which should have resulted in a whistle the moment the Stars touched the puck. A phantom interference call on Trevor Lewis where Lewis stopped and the Stars' player (whose name isn't important enough to remember) skated into … [Read more...]
A Video, An Update & A Hockey Game
April 21, 2013 By
So a clinched playoff spot, eh? Not bad for a day off. I meant to write a pregame today. I didn't. Get over it. Here's a video to watch. Here an update: We should be announcing the winners of the Replica Ring contest later this week. Sorry it's taken so long. No, I take that back. I'm not sorry, someone's getting a free ring, I'll take as long as I want. Here's another thing: If a … [Read more...]
If Doughty is Fine, 3 Game Suspension. If Doughty is Hurt, Brandon Dubinsky Gets Life…
April 18, 2013 By
Brandon Dubinsky is an insect. He's one of those players that has long earned a broken face. Back in February, he threw a cheap shot elbow on Rob Scuderi. That resulted in... This game, he sucker punched Drew Doughty and Drew, per the Mayor John Hoven, saw the doctor after the game. No video yet. Will post when we have it. Will I be able to sleep tonight? Maybe. Perhaps if I can persuade … [Read more...]
As I Sit Here Naked, Thinking About Matt Greene…
April 18, 2013 By
Like the rumble of 570 horses beneath the hood. A smooth Aberlour, 16 year, neat. A right cross that lands flush on the jaw. And a woman who keeps her motor clean. I love Matt Greene. Surly called for boots projecting on asses. What we got was a terrific game and exactly what I needed after a 14 hour work day. First, the opponents. Actually, fuck the opponents, let's talk about … [Read more...]
Columbus @ Kings – Can Of Whoop Ass, Opened
April 18, 2013 By
Matt Greene, folks. Matt motherfucking Greene. The guy who, two years ago, many complained about for the exact same reasons they now complain about Robyn Regehr, has overwhelmed the fandom with brutality and a toughness only Rob Scuderi can match, making them all but forget about his poor foot speed and average passing. I don't believe its been confirmed that he is playing tonight, but it looks … [Read more...]
Monarchs Sweep Homestand – Don’t Call it a Comeback
April 14, 2013 By
Holy. Freaking. Crap. Those three words pretty much sum up my feelings about the Monarchs' three game homestand. They played three games, won them all in regulation, and kept their hopes of sneaking into the Calder Cup Playoffs alive. They did their part, the hockey gods did theirs. Now it’s up to the team to bring it home. Six points and a tie-breaker rule put Manchester in the ninth … [Read more...]
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