The following quotes may or may not have been overheard at the L.A. Kings recent visit to the White House...I certainly did not sit down and make them up to entertain you, if that is what you're implying...jerk. Obama: "Hello, I am Barack Obama." Carter: "Where is the beer?" Obama: "You must be Jeff Carter." ** Obama: "Hello, I am Barack Obama." Richards: "Have you seen Jeff Carter?" Obama: … [Read more...]
Scribe’s List of Demands From the NHL and the Kings, In Addition to an Apology
January 8, 2013 By
I have put together a list. I suggest you do too. The NHL wants to apologize to me? The LA Kings want to as well? That's nice. Not good enough. You put me through sheer hell. That comes with a price. These are my list of demands. - John Hoven will be hired as the L.A. Kings Insider. I had to suffer for how many years through Rich Hammond? I curse far too much, Surly can't write a paragraph … [Read more...]
The Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr Meeting You Won’t Read About Elsewhere…
December 4, 2012 By
Tuesday evening, the players and owners meet privately, without Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr in the room. Bettman and Fehr sit and wait, just outside the locked doors. … [Read more...]
Scribe’s Tuesday Thoughts and Tidbits
September 25, 2012 By
Random thoughts... A lockout means I save money, see my family more, eat 41 more home cooked meals between now and next April and I am fucking pissed off about it. I like dogs because they are not people. I like people because they are not cats. On a keyboard, the letter "F" is to the right of D. The letter "S" is to the left of D. Do Ducks fans think this is coincidence? You fucking suck! How … [Read more...]
Sonnets From Scribe. NHL Owners, How do I Hate Thee…
September 11, 2012 By
Let me count the ways. I hate thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. I hate thee so large that though it burdens my mind, I strive for a greater measure, So deep that my venom to your veins soothes my heart That I would walk for days through a blistering hell just to spit my last breath to your face. I hate thee that if I loved thee like I hate thee, my heart … [Read more...]
Survival Advice for the L.A. Kings Bandwagon Fans
August 16, 2012 By
My fellow Die-Hards, it's time you accept a fact. As Detroit has in herds as does Chicago and Pittsburgh, raising the Stanley Cup in Los Angeles will unearth fans who are new to the sport and will seek a sense of acceptance among us. They will not have felt our many years and decades of pain. They won't know the pit of darkness that accompanied the mantra, "the future is bright" as they have only … [Read more...]
My Motorcycle Helmet Got Three L.A. Kings Tattoos
July 28, 2012 By
There were two things I promised myself once the L.A. Kings won the Cup - A Kings tattoo on my body (first Kings tattoo, second actual one) and a Kings customization of my motorcycle helmet. For those who do not know, I am an avid rider and have been most of my adult life - Harley, sports bikes, you name it. I haven't gotten the L.A Kings tattoo yet because the better half and I have a slight … [Read more...]
Quisp and Fat Chicks. What They Have in Common with Cam Jannsen
July 12, 2012 By
Our blogging buddy, Quisp, wrote about the Cam Jannsen video that has since been taken down on YouTube. A certain section of that video spoke of fat broads. I am unsure how Quisp did this but he somehow interpreted the whole damn thing as Jannsen calling the L.A. Kings a fat broad that he regrets "banging" (Jannsen's words). From Quisp: Let’s break it down. The Devils, I guess, are Cam Janssen … [Read more...]
How Winning The Stanley Cup Reduces Acne, Teenage Pregnancy, Crime and More…
July 9, 2012 By
Since winning the Stanley Cup, I have spent a lot of my free time watching highlights and the entire telecast of game 6 (both CBC and NBC feed). That was some of the free time I used for sex. Therefore, I am having less sex. That means teenage Kings fans who spend their free time doing the same thing are also having less sex. Therefore, winning the Stanley Cup reduces the rate of teenage … [Read more...]
AGHHHHHHH!!!
February 12, 2012 By
(on finishing the trip with a win…) SUTTER: “We played really well. The only time I had any issue was the first game of the trip, the first period against St. Louis. Other than that, I thought we played really well. You’ve kind of always got to separate it. We’ve struggled to score. That’s not a secret now. It’s not about our work or compete, I know that. Our kids play … [Read more...]
Things I Learned About Football By Not Watching The Superbowl
February 5, 2012 By
Look, it's no secret Surly & I have one sport - hockey. That's it. We are monogamous, though more than a little sadomasochistic. The problem with this super "bowl" thing (other than it makes me think of weed) is you can't get away from it. It's like an airborne virus...a boring one. Anyway, here is what I learned. It's actually not played by puppies. A goal is called a touchdown, even … [Read more...]
The Edmonton Oilers Are Like That Ugly, Rich Girl In High School
February 5, 2012 By
I do some of my best thinking when I'm angry. So, I was reading about the Oilers and it got me thinking... Did you know this girl in high school? The one you would never date but her daddy was rich, she wore nice clothes, drove a real nice car, was popular and hung out with the "hot" versions of the other rich girls but she came with two major drawbacks - one she was ugly and two she thought … [Read more...]
Texts Dustin Penner Decided Against Sending To Darryl Sutter
January 8, 2012 By
Helene Elliott tweeted yesterday: Sutter said Dustin Penner texted him this morning and said he had a sore back and couldn't walk. What you don't know and hasn't been reported are the texts Dustin Penner considered sending to Darryl Sutter but decided not to as to why he couldn't play yesterday afternoon. Fortunately for you, we tracked those down. Terry Murray and I were out late, partying. … [Read more...]
Taking Randy Carlyle’s Advice & Finding Inner Peace
November 30, 2011 By
Jeff Miller of the Orange County Register tweeted: Randy Carlyle met with Bobby Ryan today concerning trade rumors and told him he "has to find that inner peace in himself to deal with it." Sage advice. This got me thinking. Bobby Ryan is not the only one under stress right now. How about our LA Kings' players and coaches? Where is their place of inner peace within themselves? Terry … [Read more...]
Rob Scuderi Is A Funny Guy
October 13, 2011 By
As I read this article from fellow blogger, The Mayor, I had flashbacks of... Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? … [Read more...]
THE CHRIS PRONGER ADDENDUM TO THE NHL RULE BOOK
June 4, 2010 By
Surly and I have gone through great pains and at tremendous personal risk to ourselves to acquire, through questionable but courageous means, portions of the often rumored but never confirmed "Chris Pronger Addendum" to the National Hockey League Rule Book. As a show of great love for our readers and without regard to our own ongoing personal safety, we hereby reproduce excerpts we have recovered … [Read more...]
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