Because St. Louis doesn’t know what hit them.

Because Phoenix only has one dive left to take.

Because our rookies don’t play like rookies.

Because our leaders get the job done.

Because if you don’t wear the Crown, you ain’t going nowhere.

And if you do, there’s only one place to go.

You don’t get nothing for three.

For win four, for round four, we pray.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.
Amen.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no Phoenix fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

As it was,
As it is,
As it shall be
Evermore
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand

Our Rookies, King of steadfastness, strengthened Nolan, Voynov foothold, support us against the disdainful people.

I profess myself a Penner-worshipper, a Pennercakean, having vowed it and professed it. I pledge myself to the well-played puck, I pledge myself to the well-delivered hit, I pledge myself to the well-fed monster.

Let us know victory.
For as long as the skates shall glide,
For as long as the chemistry shall flow,
For as long as the goal light shall shine,
For as long as the confidence shall grow,
Let us know victory.

Voices above,
Voices of Fans,
Yell from your couch or barstool;
Voices below,
LA King’s Inner-voices,
Speak from the dreams of childhood;
So may our playoffs be beautiful.

Our Kings, who art on home ice
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On our ice, as it was on theirs
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Coyote their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the third round,
Past these evil Coyote fucks.
Amen.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.
A-fucking-men.

Go fucking nuts.

GO FUCKING NUTS!

GO KINGS!!!

As you know, the purpose of today’s meeting is twofold: first, a status report on our seasonal eradication campaign of canis latrans, street name “coyote,” and our second purpose is to define the steps necessary to completely remove this varmint from our enforcement area.

I am happy to report that we are very close to the ultimate goal; population is down, reduced to what we believe are approximately 23 individuals remaining. There are also very few remaining alpha males; the population is imbalanced favoring bitches, so breeding is not likely.

Also, their normative behavior has been interrupted, by scattering their packs and disrupting their hunts. While these pests prefer grouping in fives, we have been successful in isolating one and sometimes two members, forcing the pack to function at a numerical disadvantage.

It should be noted that among the names for a group of coyotes, in addition to “pack,” is the name “rout.” We find this satisfyingly ironic. And, canis “latrans,” being coincidentally similar to “L.A. Trans” could provide interest in being much like both a reference to today’s expected transportation gridlock which we have mimicked to stifle their attack strategies, and also sounds like an alternative club name for the sexually dichotomous based near many parts of Santa Monica Boulevard. In this case, irony is a bitch.

In our 3 days of campaign so far, we have identifed weakness in the opposition command structure which we believe will ultimately lead to this group’s full demise. Given that the latin “canis latrans” means “barking dog,” these animal’s behaviors become more readily understandable, and resulting strategies quickly become apparent.

Their eldest alpha should be their wisest, yet he is given to selfish behaviors, lone attacks rather than coordinated attacks, and has forgone proven hunting tactics of exhaustion and containment of the weakest individual prey prior to the kill by instead making solo charges against rested, well-defended herds.

Another of their lesser males, thinking himself to be a successor candidate as alpha, even replicated this behavior as if learned from the actual alpha. This maladaptive behavior caused the individual to be removed from the hunt altogether, during a most critical period of need for the entire pack. In all past cases, these types of inherent behavioral weaknesses each inevitably contributed to eventual extinction.

We have also identifed what we believe is a human sponsor of the rout. Self-identified as “Dave,” this person unavoidably raises a question of whether this “barking” of “yelping” behavior is learned or only instinctive. It would seem that the development of this behavior, specific to this group, has been reciprocal in that both human and dog have readily made their voices heard when under pressure of imminent failure as if to complain against fate, yet those same voices have been absent regarding a productive rallying cry. The failed hunt produces a hollow echo from an empty belly, and rather than the satiated howl of triumph we have only heard the puppy-like yips of the resentful starving. As he bemoans the supposed bias of the scales of justice and hopes to appeal for what he believes to be balance, his actions will actually tilt that balance, allowing the objective observer to watch Dave tip it in our favor.

Moving forward, officers, we need only continue our current methods. Our opponents are facing two enemies; us, and themselves. We have forced them to the place where blame is assigned rather than credit is shared. Hunting parties long held intact are now cobbled together from among a weakened genetic pool. Leaders of sub-groups are more focused on imagined denials of justice instead of well-earned results of honorable effort.

What we once imagined as a prolonged, possibly 7-day war has now become a matter of simply replicating proven success; think not about the end-game, for you are in it. Think about the next task, and do it well, knowing that a reduced enemy is dangerous, yes, but less so with each passing event.

We are young, we are strong, and we are capable. We are proven, we are skilled, we are ready and most of all, we will get what we deserve and we will deserve what we get. This is our business, and we intend to finish our work, but in the end, it’s really just another day at the office.

We will scrub the desert clean of this scourge, and then briefly, we will feast. We will gather strength as we assimilate the basis for our success in this venture, for we know that even if we consummate our current success, we invite a new challenge. There is word of a rising threat from the East, and though we can not yet be assured victory here, the warrior in us is pleased to know that we have the possible opportunity of an even greater challenge ahead.

Those of you who read our site’s pages are no different than I am. You’re fucking crazy about this team. Whether you are students, bachelors, married with kids, professionals, whatever your station in life, you live and breathe our L.A. Kings as an integral part of your psyche and soul. But if you share this aspect of my mania, you refuse to let yourself drift forward. You may do it for different reasons but as for me, here it is – I feel a personal responsibility to the L.A. Kings hockey culture that comprises of the team, management and its fans. It is one big collaboration and all of us are part of it. If we allow any of us to get soft, even for a moment, take our eye off the puck and do anything other than focus on the task at hand, the vision suffers. If I do it, then Surly may do it and if he does it, those he and I know may do it and this can spread like a virus. Since our boys on the ice are going to keep playing their ass off each shift and take each game one at a time, then damn it, so should we. The Hockey Gods want it that way. It shows respect for the team and game and lets us never lose sight of the salient fact that nothing is more important than the next shift.

I didn’t say it would be easy, just necessary.

Go Kings!

Thank you to our reader, Tom, for sending this along.

It’s a simple and honest answer from an honest coach. Hard work, smart reads, simple plays, an honest game where our Kings, his Kings, engage in a relentless attack that comes with an aggressive forecheck and bodies to the net while the defense closes gaps in the neutral and defensive zones and doesn’t give the Coyotes any room to operate. That is LA Kings hockey and it has steadily come together leading to the playoffs and within it…and there is still plenty of room for improvement.

It’s been an emotional night. I watched our LA Kings tie the game, take the lead and never take the foot off the skinny pedal to the right. We took over in the third period. We dominated. We did so when it would have been easy to sit back and protect the lead. We don’t protect leads. We build on them. If that makes us a team of destiny, so be it. With my eyes, I see a team that plays to win and refuses to do otherwise.

The story lines are many.

Jarret Stoll’s increasing confidence and escalating greatness.

The chemistry of the CPR line, the Carter, Penner, Richards line that gives opposing teams a stroke.

Dustin Brown’s prowess and model captaincy.

Justin Williams. A critical part of the first line’s engine.

Anze Kopitar. Are there words for that delicious goal?

King and Nolan. Growing up before our eyes, maturing into the type of young depth players the best teams possess and others envy.

Trevor Lewis, Brad Richardson and Kyle Clifford. Roles that fit them like a glove and were made for their skill set.

Drew Doughty. Playing to potential and promise.

Willie Mitchell. A rock.

Rob Scuderi. The picture of consistency.

Slava Voynov. I can’t get the smile off my face each time I think about him.

Greene and Martinez. Teams wish they had a 5 and 6 this good.

Jonathan Quick. The king of goaltenders.

One game at a time remains the mantra. Enjoy this tonight. Bring your passion on Sunday.

Go Kings!

Once again we walk into Staples Center, home ice torn from those who feigned to be better than us during the regular season. 2-0 in the Conference Finals. A guy could get used to this.

What he can’t get used to but apparently must, is the other team taking liberties with our players. Such is the price you pay for frustrating a team by means of domination.

At the least those liberties have left Martin Hanzal wearing a suit and tie tonight. Marc-Antoine Pouliot will take his place. For the Kings, Colin Fraser is back in town but likely will not play, so Kyle Clifford remains. Let us hope his pugilism is not wholly necessary.

The Coyotes have been a very good road team this playoffs. They are 4-1. Color me unimpressed.

It will be interesting to see how they respond tonight, how quickly they devolve into playing like spoiled children. Or will they rally? This is truly their last chance to regain some semblance of the focused determination that got them this far. I am sure we will see some of that early on in the game. Likewise I am sure the Kings will absorb their efforts and regurgitate it down their throats twofold. The question is not, as it never has been these playoffs, whether the Kings can withstand a push from their opponent. The question is can their opponent tolerate our push back.

Or perhaps we don’t even give them the chance. As all the talk will be about how the Coyotes come out of the gate, the Kings will have boundless energy in their strides. Repercussions for the injustices of Hanzal, Smith, Morris and Doan to be extolled. The sweet success of Conference Final victory to be tasted on cool home ice. Adoration to be bestowed by us, the fans.

Another step towards the Cup to be taken.

For that, we pray.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.
Amen.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no Phoenix fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

As it was,
As it is,
As it shall be
Evermore
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand

Our Rookies, King of steadfastness, strengthened Nolan, Voynov foothold, support us against the disdainful people.

I profess myself a Penner-worshipper, a Pennercakean, having vowed it and professed it. I pledge myself to the well-played puck, I pledge myself to the well-delivered hit, I pledge myself to the well-fed monster.

Voices above,
Voices of Fans,
Yell from your couch or barstool;
Voices below,
LA King’s Inner-voices,
Speak from the dreams of childhood;
So may our playoffs be beautiful.

Our Kings, who art on home ice
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On our ice, as it was on theirs
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Coyote their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the third round,
Past these evil Coyote fucks.
Amen.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.
A-fucking-men.

Go fucking nuts.

GO FUCKING NUTS!

GO KINGS!!!

We have not seen the level of thuggery the Desert Dogs put on display in Game 2 of the Conference Finals. In a game where their aim was to neutralize our commandeering of home ice advantage, the Coyotes unraveled faster than the thread on hand-me-down clothing. I suspect the direct reason for this was due to their powerplay’s impotence, which was barely able to muster a shot, let alone cash in for a goal. If our PP is a boob, theirs is just a wrinkled areola.

However, there is a deeper cause for a team in the Conference Finals to so quickly abandon its pursuit of the Cup in favor of a quest for blood; it is bred into its identity. The Coyotes, like the Canucks before them are a team of cat callers and dog kickers. While the Kings have assumed the identity of its leaders – the work ethic of Dustin Brown and the mental fortitude of Jonathan Quick – the Coyotes have similarly derived their purpose from Shane Doan, their spiritual leader and Mike Smith, their weight bearer.

Doan has long been heralded as a quality hockey player, known for his blend of skill and hard-­nosed play. His willingness to lay his body on the line for his team has earned him a reputation for being all that is right with hockey. As much as these qualities are true of Shane, who more closely resembles his team’s namesake than any iteration of the logo on his jersey has, they are neglectful of his aptitude for goonery. He is a violent player and while we applaud our own blow-bestowing Captain, Doan has replaced his previous penchant for clean hits meant to separate men from pucks with dirty hits meant to separate heads from shoulders and shoulders from sockets.

Meanwhile, Mike Smith, who is the Coyotes leader in terms of the player who consistently wins them games, has displayed a temper these playoffs that does his team no good. While perhaps this is in some way justified as a measure of self defense derived from Andrew Shaw delivering a highly illegal check on Smith in the first round, the fact remains that a man who the Coyotes look to for strength in times of need is failing his fellow players by setting an example of indignation. I suppose the fans assumed the same behavior for a similar reason. Another level of the building the Coyotes have constructed -­ a building that is collapsing.

Dave Tippett ought to be able to get his team in line. The man is as good of a coach as there is in the NHL. It would appear that he has, to some degree, lost his room. How much will be known by the Coyotes’ showing in game 3 on Thursday. However it is not a mar on his coaching acumen when it is the personalities of his team’s top two players that is the cause of this malfunction.

What can a coach do when the player the team looks to for guidance displays a message of unnecessary intent to injure? Before boarding Trevor Lewis, Doan had gotten away with a similar board on Kyle Clifford. Last game we saw Doan show of his MMA skills against Mike Richards off a draw. After going over a decade without suspension, Doan has received at least two that I can find in recent years, along with fines for head hunting and violent boarding. Mike Smith has allowed frustration to preclude composure. His diving, slashing and frequent grabbing at heads does not inspire confidence, nor intensity, but merely a lesser form of insanity.

The Coyotes are their leaders. Derek Morris and Martin Hanzal happily followed suit last night. Instead of rallying their troops with a message of resilience and strength, a call to clandestine vengeance has been trumpeted. Vengeance can be a strong motivator, but not when the object of one’s anger is mostly the result of one’s own shortcomings. Tired clichés of good and evil adorn our history and our fairy tales, but for good reason. The providence of the just cause resonates as true because it often overshadows the forces of spite and malignancy. Purity of intention brings focus. Corruption of purpose sows despair.

And so the Coyotes now despair. I relish the Kings’ victory, their domination on the ice. However, I expected a better series than this. I mistakenly thought we would be seeing serious hockey, two teams bearing down in the final stages of the season. To that end I am disappointed and embarrassed. Disappointed that Tippett, a man I respect a great deal, is powerless against the influence of his own players. I am embarrassed that such base degenerates govern one of the NHL’s final four teams. Had I thought more on who it was that led this Coyotes team before the series, I would not be as I also am, surprised.

At some point, did you consider calling a timeout when your team started to completely self destruct?

Would you consider the level of integrity left in the room after this game to be slim or none?

Do you remember the exact moment in this game that you completely lost control of your team?

The NHL owes Dustin Brown a formal apology for that embellishment call. Mike Smith deserves a minimum of a 1 game suspension for that hack. Shane Doan is what he is. A dirty, cheap shot artist. Martin Hanzal really should stop pretending to be a hockey player. The talk about the Coyotes leaving Glendale, Arizona must stop. By my evaluation of their team and fan base, they deserve each other.

Enough of them. I am angry. You are angry. For the sake of Coyotes fans on Thursday, I hope to calm down by then. I have a talent for picking a fight. Let’s talk about the game, the one to which only we showed up to play while the Coyotes wrapped their vagina around a symbolic football in the last two periods.

Give Surly some love. Since the end of game 1 as we walked out of Jobing arena, he has said more than once that Jeff Carter’s breakout game is coming. Boy, did it come – like ten inches of testosterone, Jeff Carter found the opening and slammed it home not once, not twice but a sexy manaja twa hat trick with the Coyotes and Smith playing the role of the hapless girl that gave our fan base a collective climax. That line, with Mike Richards and Dustin Penner, has become a force. Mike Richards is warming up for beast mode. Dustin Penner is in position to where the puck is going to be. His reads (as Jim Fox confirmed just as I was writing it) are uncanny. That line has provided so many problems for the insects from Arizona that Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown and Justin Williams have impunity to fuck Phoenix at will…and our top line is not being shy about it.

Fuck them straight to hell, I hope.

Who said Jonathan Quick will have a big bounce back game because that is who he is and what he does? Just about everybody who has watched this goaltender mature before our eyes to the special player he is now.

Enough from me. Bring me your passion across this site’s pages. This place is like Staples Center. It’s your home. Go crazy now but remind yourself tomorrow…one game at a time.

Go Kings!

Well, a win provided the Kings just keep on doing what they’ve been doing.

With the exception of rubbing out a few minor glitches, the Kings don’t need to change a thing. Relentless forecheck. Stifling gap control. Exuberance to a man that compounds the efforts of the many. Expect a bounce back game from Jonathan Quick, who is his own harshest critic and is as mentally tough as any goalie I’ve seen.

The Coyotes will come out with guns, both brandished and legally concealed, blazing. We are immigrants in a land hostile to border jumpers. But who needs to weather a storm when you are thunder itself.

Adrian Aucoin is a game time decision for the Coyotes. The media seems to see this is as some huge boon to their club. Aucoin is a solid player, always has been, but he is not the difference to stopping the wrecking ball that is our forecheck. It matters not who is in the Phoenix lineup. Ours is a game of cohesion, ferocity and determinism.

When we want more of the same, we do more of the same, and so we pray.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.
Amen.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no Phoenix fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

As it was,
As it is,
As it shall be
Evermore
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand

Our Rookies, King of steadfastness, strengthened Nolan, Voynov foothold, support us against the disdainful people.

Voices above,
Voices of Fans,
Yell from your couch or barstool;
Voices below,
LA King’s Inner-voices,
Speak from the dreams of childhood;
So may our playoffs be beautiful.

Our Kings, who art in Phoenix
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On their ice, as it was on the Blues’
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Coyote their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the third round,
Past these evil Coyote fucks.
Amen.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.
A-fucking-men.

Go fucking nuts.

GO FUCKING NUTS!

GO KINGS!!!

All about the road trip, no jacket required, the near fight, cheerleaders offended, cops, fake tits & leather faces, dominance, hard work, the Hockey Gods and game one. Enjoy.

Surly & Scribe L.A. Kings Podcast Show, 5-14-12

You saw the game, you saw what we did. The Coyotes had their moments, but we all but dominated for 60 minutes. Smith was giving up rebounds and, a few bounces here and there, and we would have been up 3-0 after the first and more in the second. Rebounds aside, Smith was the only reason we didn’t destroy Phoenix tonight.

Dustin Brown in full beast mode.

Anze Kopitar, a one man wrecking crew. The puck loves him and is drawn to him.

Mike Richards looks dangerous each time he is out there. Carter has a whole other gear he will find but he has terrific chemistry with Richards and Dustin Penner and it shows. Our third and fourth lines stole my heart. They would not relent. Their forechecking was all consuming. King is Kong. Big, strong, smart and soft hands.

Rob Scuderi was aggressive and skating hard. Willie Mitchell is a rock. Slava Voynov has ice in his veins. 22? Wow. Color me excited to see what this kid will become.

Every forward to every defenseman played a terrific team game. Doughty had a gaffe but give the Coyotes credit for a good shift. A center ice goal. Shit happens. Patrick Roy gave up a couple of those in his career. It was a rare mistake. Quick played well in the third, when he needed to and turned away 9 or 10 in the last frame. If I know Jonathan Quick, he knows he had an off game and he will come back strong in game two.

Most importantly, we won. The Kings earned this victory. Let’s earn the next and, with the Hockey Gods smiling upon us, many more.

The Surly & Scribe Podcast Show will be tomorrow night. We have the entire road trip experience to share and want you to live it with us.

Go Kings!

I like the sound of that.

It’s 100 degrees here in Phoenix, perfect hockey weather, just an obvious place to put a hockey team. You know I’ve never been to Phoenix before, or rather, Glendale where this team actually plays (we don’t call the Kings the San Fernando Valley Kings, so why are they the Phoenix Coyotes?), but it’s as pointless as I always imagined. Skyscrapers, everything. No wait, that was some other city, an interesting one.

You know they tried to pass a law here in Arizona that life begins when a women’s ovaries releases it’s monthly allotment of eggs. Going with that logic, the Coyotes loss tonight began when the Kings equipment arrived yesterday at Jobing.com arena.

But the Coyotes haven’t lost, yet, even if Arizona’s Governor has already lost her mind. The Kings may have beaten the shit out of their last two study partners and kept all the good grades for themselves, but now we’re taking finals.

I’m expecting a trepidatious game at first. When a team finally makes a mistake, the smell of blood will flood the air and the fangs will come out. Whether they are fearsome lion’s teeth or cowardly desert dog canines, only time will tell. I want the Kings to take the game to the Coyotes immediately. Hit them hard, make them fear our size. Put shots on Smith early but more importantly, put bodies in front of him. Don’t allow him to be comfortable in his net for a second. We’ve garnered a lot of our success by psychologically mind-fucking teams, goading our opponents into bad penalties. Let’s do the same to these punks.

In the bar we went to in Downtown Phoenix last night they were showing a replay of the game where Smith jumped all over Kopitar. Where Brown fought Doan and Richards fought Hanzal and Torres fought Fraser. Scribe and I noted that we had somewhat forgotten how hostile these two teams can get when the games are close and boundaries are tested, as they were when a Brown absolutely plastered Klesla (if memory serves). I can already feel the bottled up tension. At some point tonight, there will be an eruption.

The Coyotes are without Adrian Aucoin. The Kings are expected to go with the same lineup that has gotten them this far.

Let us pray, brothers and sisters.

In the name of the Captain, the Son of Philly and the Holy Goalie.

Amen.

Bless us Oh Hockey Gods, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through LA Kings, Our Team. Amen.

Blessed are You, Kings our Team and Team of our fathers, Team of Dionne, Team of Luc and Team of Gretzky, the great, mighty and awesome Team, exalted Team, who bestows bountiful goals, who creates all wins, who remembers the insanity of the fans, and who, in love, brings a redeemer to their fans’ children, for the sake of Our Kings.

Peace be upon no Phoenix fan, without mercy or blessing of Kings.

Holy Sutter, Holy Stevens;
We give you thanks
that your Schemes, Attitude and Leadership
Are manifest with Power and Pressure
throughout all zones,
within all lines,
and we accept your Tutelage now,
in defense and forecheck.

I pray to the wunderkind, the play-maker, destroyer of all cap space, the enemy of forwards, of great brilliance, the descendent of Orr and of Borque, the one who shines like the Dewey flower.

I invoke and call upon thee O Father Mitchell,
Lord of long stick, Master of all lanes and gaps.
I invite you to the blue line;
Defend it, sustain it, make it home.

As it was,
As it is,
As it shall be
Evermore
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand
O Thou Carter
Of goals!
With the forehand
With the backhand

Voices above,
Voices of Fans,
Yell from your couch or barstool;
Voices below,
LA King’s Inner-voices,
Speak from the dreams of childhood;
So may our playoffs be beautiful.

Our Kings, who art in Phoenix
Hallowed be thy game.
Thy kingdom come, thy wills be done
On their ice, as it was on the Blues’
Give us this day our daily goals, and forgive no Coyote their transgressions,
As we pound into submission those who trespass against us.
And lead us past the third round,
Past these evil Coyote fucks.
Amen.

Hail Kopi, full of grace, the fans are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst players and blessed are the fruit of thy skills, goals.
Holy Kopi, dominant of centers, play for us sinners,
Now until the hour of our Cup.
A-fucking-men.

Go fucking nuts.

GO FUCKING NUTS!

GO KINGS!!!

He took care of the rest with the flight, hotel and of course tickets in section 113, row Y. There are 4 of us total as our buddy Marc and his son join our motley crew.

When I made the trip to San Jose for game 2 in last season’s playoffs, my emotions were on edge. Not this time. I find myself calm but with a ready energy. All of the chatter about the Kings being favorites in this series bounce off me. We beat the 1st and 2nd place teams in our conference. Now, we play the 3rd. The Coyotes are a good team and, like us, have earned the right to be here. To win, we simply have to be the better team and, one thing everyone can agree on, the L.A. Kings have given us confidence to believe they can be exactly that.

What will we do when we arrive tonight around 8:30…unpack the very small duffel bag and go check out what Glendale, Arizona has to offer, harass Coyotes fans, congregate with fellow Kings fans who made the trek as well as those who live there, drink beer, and think about how I can channel all of your fervor, my brothers and sisters of puck who won’t be there with us, through my own lungs during the game tomorrow. I will be loud. Surly will be loud. We intend to start many Kings chants. We intend to immerse ourselves in every shift, every hit, pass, shot and goal our boys put forth, every save Jonathan Quick makes, all to the hopeful victory that awaits us by Sunday’s end. Let the Hockey Gods bless us from the game’s start tomorrow to the playoffs’ final end.

Sobriety and state of mind will determine whether we launch the Surly & Scribe Podcast Show from there, tomorrow night and after the game or whether we wait until Monday.

Are you ready for game one of the Western Conference Finals? Oh I know, it was a rhetorical question. You have waited for the day for a while.

GO KINGS!

This issue has been met with a few common responses. On the positive we have had overwhelming support for Bob Miller and agreement of NBC’s broadcasters marked lack of excellence.

Of course there is always negativity to be displayed whenever an opinion is voiced. I welcome discourse.

The discourse from the dissenting side however has been rife with condescension, apathy, a clear misunderstanding of the greater issues and at times, total ignorance.

I bring you an article from Tom Hoffarth of The Daily News entitled “Kings fans face playoff reality with NBC and NHL”.

You want to skate with the big boys, you have to go by the big-boy rules.

And that includes sharpening your blades when TV tells you it’s the right time.

Wonderful, we begin with the pervasive attitude of automatically bowing down to power. You’ll notice a distinctly Un-American theme throughout the arguments against the request for Bob Miller to do National Broadcasts. Yes, I went there. It is Un-American to insist, as so many have insisted, that because someone has a big stick, I should back down and be hit with that stick.

NBC isn’t, nor should it be, apologizing for the fact that the NHL’s Stanley Cup playoff games appearing every which way on its network-owned channels since April have generated a record number of viewers, no matter how the ratings are calibrated.

This claim to ratings may be true, I haven’t tracked all the ratings, though it doesn’t bother to mention that games like LA’s series and sweep clinching victory over St. Louis was one of the most poorly rated hockey games in distant record. But I’m the glad Tom is so willingly to immediately give the massive corporation his full support. I’m sure they’d be happy to return the favor.

The Southern California NHL fans who have seen the Kings reach the conference finals for the first time in 19 years might remain in some kind of cultural cable shock, most accustomed to the days when the local broadcast team of Bob Miller and Jim Fox were allowed to stay on doing live game coverage on the same channel all the way through the Finals. ESPN was the national broadcaster way back then.

Condescension once again. This assumes that LA fans don’t bother watching the playoffs other years and don’t understand that local broadcasts are blocked in favor of national broadcasts. This argument continues in this article and elsewhere, based off the premise that those like Tom insist we simply don’t understand the concept of a national versus a local broadcast. Quite the contrary, local broadcasters often are hired to do national telecasts – Brian Hayward – all we ask for is that one of the best in the business, Bob Miller, be afforded the same opportunity.

As for ESPN, hockey would be much better off if the contract with ESPN wasn’t bungled in the first place. It is good that the sport is getting national attention again, but let us not pretend that this is some huge victory for the NHL when truly it is a long delayed correcting of an earlier error. We call this square one.

Sam Flood, NBC’s executive producer of NHL coverage, said he has not received a flood of negative emails, tweets or texts about how these playoffs are playing in L.A. through the prism of the peacock’s partnership with new owners Comcast.

I find using the term flood in the same sentence in reference to a man named Flood to be indicative of poor writing skills and a lack of vocabulary, but that is besides the point. Flood may be right, he may be lying. This is a matter of opinion as to what constitutes “a flood” and really amounts to Flood saying “not enough for me to care, ants”.

For as challenging as it might be for Kings fans to find their way around the remote control, the network’s setup to covering the NHL means greater things in the bigger picture, he said.

Useless condescension once again. I am comforted to know that the line between impassioned bloggers like myself and paid professionals who work for newspapers has become nearly nonexistent. We’ll address Flood’s point about the bigger picture in a second.

“It’s a good system,” he said Thursday from his New York office. “It’s no different than the NBA or Major League Baseball. This is professional sports and the NHL is obviously important in that landscape.

“It’s reality, and it’s a great thing for the sport on a national platform. It shows how far it’s come and how much bigger it’s become.”

Of course the man in charge of the system thinks its a good system. As for comparisons to NBA and MLB, those sports have a built-in national audience, much larger than hockey. They don’t meed to appease local fans the way that the NHL does and should. This notion of the bigger picture is quite simply that a major network wants to maximize profit. They are passing this off as good for the sport when it is truly just good for their company. The only thing that makes it good for the sport is that without exclusivity, the national network likely doesn’t bother with the NHL. The exclusivity itself is superfluous to what is good for the sport.

If a local feed that blacked out the national feed was allowed, that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a national feed. The game is still reaching just as many homes. People in the local market, oddly enough, have their local channel. In fact more people in Los Angeles have Fox Sports West than they do NBCSN. I don’t have numbers on it, but NBCSN is part of a larger cable package, whereas FSW is part of a lesser, basic package. My understanding is that everyone who has NBCSN in LA has FSW, but not everyone who has FSW has NBCSN.

Having a local feed for the local fans and a national feed for the rest of the nation does not disparage the benefit of the game reaching a national audience in any way, shape or form. What is does do is discourage a corporation focused on the bottom line to make a deal with the NHL. Exclusivity is NBC strong arming the NHL into getting something it desperately wants: national exposure.

But this isn’t even the issue. When Kings fans say “we want Bob Miller”, that is being deviously regurgitated by outlets such a Hoffarth’s column as if the demand was “we want Fox Sports West”. Well any Kings fan will tell you, they don’t have any affinity towards Fox Sports West, it is to Bob Miller that we give our respect and devotion. What we have asked for is that NBC hire Bob Miller, the same way they hired Doc Emrick, the same way they hired Brian Hayward for some incomprehensible reason. This question is not responded to because it would require NBC to disparage Bob Miller directly, giving reasons why they wouldn’t want to hire him. This is where the contract aspect gets thrown around, but contract issues can always be worked out if both parties are willing and I see no reason why FSW would bar Miller from signing a temporary contract to work for NBC. No, NBC has other reasons and if they were to put them forth as to why Bob Miller isn’t good enough for their network they would instantly alienate its second biggest media market in Los Angeles hockey fans. So instead they divert attention from the actual request.

Meaning, grow up or go off and grumble elsewhere.

I have been diplomatic on this issue. My diplomacy is towards NBC. Tom Hoffarth is nothing but an inflammatory columnist who finds it amusing to makes such remarks towards the people of the city in which he writes for a newspaper. Thusly, my sentiment towards this quote is short, but laced with expletives. I did not know who Tom Hoffarth was before today, I will return to that state of existence tomorrow.

“If you want hockey, you’re going to the NBC Sports Network, and if it’s not there, we’ve let people know where to find it,” Flood said. “The NHL is exclusive over a distinct network group.

This is a response to people being upset when game 3 began and they saw the Flyers in overtime instead of Kings/Blues. The Kings game was on another NBC network, however NBC failed to afford the simple courtesy of a graphic or an announcement by the commentators telling Kings fans what channel to go to since the schedule as listed was undone by an overtime. The amount of blame being thrust upon viewers due to a small but costly oversight on the part of the network is astonishing. NBC could have fessed up to a small mistake but instead chose to insult its viewers. As far as Sam Flood is concerned, saying “The NHL is exclusive over a distinct network group” is sufficient and denies his company more interactive and timely updates on its listings.

“This is a national sport and the greatest statement for the game is this exclusivity. It’s helped outside the home markets pushing agendas.”

Self aggrandizement. Do a better job. This is the problem with exclusivity, it destroys the need to strive for excellence. When the purpose of a venture is profit, competition is the greatest equalizer, or so goes the premise on which this country was founded.

The Kings’ opener of the Western Conference finals against Phoenix starts at 5 p.m. Sunday, but not on KNBC-Channel 4, which has the final round of The Players Championship golf tournament during the midday and prime-time shows at night. Game 1 goes back to the NBC Sports Network, which is in nearly 80 million homes across the country since it was known as Versus, and is accessible to that other 20 million if they care to upgrade (i.e., pay more) with their cable or dish operator.

Nice of Tom to needlessly plug the giant corporation at the end there.

Brian Engblom, the former Kings defenseman and team radio analyst with Nick Nickson from 1991-95, will be back as part of the NBC crew on the Western Conference finals with Dave Strader on the call, and Darren Pang inside the glass.

This is bad news for the Kings, because Brian Engblom is not very good at his job.

But wait, just last year Dave Strader was the play by play guy the Coyotes. It would be utter blasphemy if Bob Miller called one of these games! Of course I know that Strader is no longer employed by the Coyotes, a fact that I’m sure will haunt the fans in Phoenix as they get to listen to their known and comfortable voice call their Conference Finals games.

Engblom understands how the Kings’ viewers must be a bit miffed getting this far without Miller and Fox, but every local market deals with it.

“Bob and Jim are a terrific team – you don’t last as long as they have without being great,” Engblom said. “But with all due respect, when was the last time basketball had any playoff games (past the first round) done by the local broadcasters? Football was doing this way before us.

“I think it just shows how long it’s been for Kings fans to be anywhere this deep in the playoffs. They’re just not used to it yet. They need to get up to speed here.”

I don’t particularly care what Engblom has to say during games, let alone in this article, but it’s good to know that he is willing to condescend to Kings fans as well. Once again we are being treated as ignorant when we ask for change or better yet, accountability to performance.

Engblom said when he left Staples Center last week after doing Games 3 and 4 of the Kings-St. Louis Western Conference semifinals, he got grief from fans of both teams, which proved to him that he and Strader called it right.

Good. If he was enjoyable to listen to he wouldn’t have gotten as much grief. The fact that he thinks unanimous disgust with his commentating is proof that he is doing his job correctly is a sign of how truly out of touch he is with the idea notion of broadcasting. Of course, this is assuming that Engblom said such a thing that isn’t being quoted directly. It is possible our fantastic writer Tom Hoffarth is drawing that conclusion himself and denoted it to Engblom… Which now that I think of it, sounds oddly familiar…

Also, there were St. Louis fans at games 3 and 4?

“You can’t have local broadcasters do a national game, because it’s completely different, and it’s amazing to me how fans don’t want to acknowledge that,” Engblom said. “Doing a game for a national audience, you’re trying to figure out the story from different angles and find a balance. But then this business is so subjective. People love or hate you. It’s way more than when you’re a player. Sometimes it feels personal.”

Now Engblom is condescending to Bob and Jim, insinuating that he has a skill they do not and could not possess. This is also merely an excuse for all the grief he has taken for his endless, mindless babble. “Of course I chatter on about nothing, it makes it better for everyone!” This is what we call appealing to the lowest common denominator, which again, is counter-productive if the desired result is excellence, which for NBC I believe we have clearly established it is not.

And Brian, it is personal. You are a boring listen. You are far from unbiased and it’s not like when you were playing, because hockey players do something that doesn’t involve interfacing their personalities with the fans. Your job does, and we have decided your personality leaves us bedraggled.

In the NHL’s big picture, the Kings bring the No. 2 national TV market to the final four. On the other end, the New York Rangers are a win away from delivering the No. 1 market. Yet most of the teams that did generate higher local TV ratings have been eliminated. A recent Forbes story pointed out that the Kings were 26th out of 30 teams in local TV ratings on Fox Sports West.

A symptom of the vast majority of Los Angeles fans being fickle and not hopping on board a wagon until the band is rolling out of town.

I’m going to skip ahead here because the next few paragraphs are uninteresting. The story ends with…

“It’s not trying to get any demographic or chase this audience or that one,” he said. “It’s about hockey being the topic of conversation, being true to the game. You cover it, and honor the sport and see how great it continues to be. You get more people engaged.

“Hockey went to the backburner for a time in Chicago and Boston, and now, nothing is hotter. That’s what happens when you catch the fever. That’s happening in L.A. even when there are two basketball teams in the playoffs. We realize they have a lot bigger fan base, and they can catch the bug and be passionate fans.”

OK, so Flood can say something that doesn’t involve his own voice being redirected back into his skull in order to increase its size. Tom ends the article here, in what feels more and more like a PR piece for NBC. No reference to the topic of the article, and no conclusion, perhaps because Tom drew his conclusion in the first sentence – another hallmark of a fantastic writer and a better thinker.

Unfortunately Tom’s attitude is one I’ve seen all over the Internet, even from some Kings fans.

“It is what it is.”

I often feel this way about many subjects. Sunsets. Rain. Aging. I do not feel this way about companies who make decisions and are supposed to be held accountable to their consumers. Apathy drives me crazy.

“It’s not fair to Phoenix fans to have Bob call the game.”

And yet Dave Strader is calling the games. Is that some petty form of karma? As if karma was the universe’s bully smacking us forcefully with our own fists while demanding we stop hitting ourselves? Separately, since again I know it’s slightly different with Strader not being employed by the Coyotes anymore, then Bob should be calling the Eastern Conference finals. In my appeal I never distinctly said Bob should only be calling the Kings’ games. I said Bob Miller is one of the best broadcasters around and based on merit and excellence needs to be calling games on the national stage.

And my favorite: “The NBC broadcasts don’t really bother me.”

This is the lowest common denominator talking. Anything less than great bothers me. But again, my goal is excellence and my goals seem to diverge with NBC’s and the expectations of some viewers.

All in all, I merely want the Kings and Bob Miller to know how much we support them. I want NBC to know that the people they have hired are doing a piss poor job more often than not. I want to be understood and responded to by people who can grasp a concept without compounding it with baggage I didn’t check in to this flight.

I still want to hear Bob Miller. I am thinking of other things the Kings can do to appease us in this matter and will write more letters to the appropriate parties as I come up with a plan to suggest.

But truly, I want this to be an issue.

Because I want the Kings the whoop the Coyotes.

I want the Cup.

What are the facts? Well, Jimmy, the facts are things that no one can argue about. Which means the facts basically boil down to “goals scored”, “goals allowed” and “Paul Bissonnette is better at Twitter than hockey”. So the “facts” portion of this post will be short-lived.

The Kings have scored 27 goals in 9 games and allowed only 14. Phoenix has scored 29 goals in 11 games and allowed 21. That’s 3 per game for the Kings and 1.56 against and for the Coyotes 2.64 for and 1.91 against. Among the remaining teams, the Kings are tied for 1st in goals and are first in goals against. The Coyotes are right behind them, 2nd in goals for and 2nd in goals against. Think this is going to be a fun matchup? If your idea of fun is a series that will likely be more exciting than the eventual Cup finals, then yeah, sure. If your idea of fun is a heart attack shift to shift, maybe this isn’t the round for you – and I speak to both Coyotes and Kings fans there.

Let’s take a gander at the Phoenix lineup.

The line

Ray Whitney – Martin Hanzal – Radim Vrbata

The breakdown

This line can be dangerous if allowed too much space. While the Coyotes score by committee (this line has 7 goals and 15 points between them), this combo has everything. Size in Hanzal, speed and a shot in Vrbata and hands, veteran wiles and insane hockey IQ in Whitney. This line embodies what Phoenix does so well, balance.

The matchup

Richards line. This is not the Coyotes quickest line and Richards’ isn’t ours. The way Penner is playing, he can give these wingers fits and Carter’s high IQ matches up as well. Richards and Hanzal already have a bit of bad blood as well, with their fight back in February. . If not the Richards line, then Kopitar takes this matchup. But truly this is because I want Kopitar saved for…

The line

Mikkel Boedker – Antonie Vermette – Shane Doan

The breakdown

This is where the Coyotes do their damage. Shane Doan has been waiting his whole career for this playoff run, Vermette is a solid two way center with great face-off skills and Boedker has some hands on him. But really this line is about speed. Boedker is blazingly quick and Vermette has speed to burn as well. Combined with Doan’s physical play and front of net presence it’s no surprise that this line has been scoring a goal per game. Boedker was also the Coyotes’ overtime hero in the first round, scoring 2 of their OT goals.

The matchup

Has to be Kopitar, Brown and Williams. Kopitar can overwhelm Vermette and the two captains get to go toe to toe. We don’t have the speed to match these guys, though Lewis comes close, but Brown is far from slow and truly this line needs to be held tight with gap control, at which Kopitar is practically unmatched, and be kept along the boards, if not out of our zone completely, which our top unit is fully capable of achieving. Finally, for our spiritual and goal leader to upstage Doan will go a long way towards winning the psychological battle. Secondary matchup goes to Stoll’s line as Dwight King’s size will be helpful against Doan and Lewis is outstanding defensively.

The line

Taylor Pyatt – Boyd Gordon – Marc Pouilot

The breakdown

I’ll be honest. I don’t know a ton about Gordon or Pouilot. These guys are grinders and Pyatt is a big mamma jamma, but he’s slow. From what I can tell, this is a combination energy/shutdown line for the Coyotes and as such they need to be hit hard and often and be playing defense. Any of our lines can take these guys if need be.

The matchup

Ideally, our 4th line. Pyatt isn’t a fighter really, but I’d like Jordan Nolan to goad him. Fraser and Gordon can grind each other to death and Richardson can skate circles around all these guys. My thinking here is that this matchup affords our 4th line the best opportunity to create offense. Secondary matchup goes to the Richards line.

The line

Kyle Chipchura – Daymond Langkow – Gilbert Brule

The breakdown

A two way 4th line that has plenty of potential to score the timely goal, this line is another good example of balance. We know Langkow well from his time in Calgary and Brule, the near Kings buyout, has some solid hands when he isn’t too busy being left behind to use them. Chipchura is the fighter on the team and appropriately, the former Anaheim Duck punk. I was tempted to save Nolan for him, but regardless of matchup, Nolan v Chipchura seems like a sure thing.

The matchup

King-Stoll-Lewis. Kong and Chipchura are both big boys and should have some epic collisions. Meanwhile Stoll is very familiar with Langkow as they used to be division rivals. Both two way centers who like to play on the boards, Stoll gets the edge due to speed and youth. Meanwhile Lewis can matchup with anyone defensively. Secondary matchup is 4th line on 4th line.

The Defense

Defensively the Coyotes sport pairings of young stud Oliver Ekman-Larsson with Rostislav Klesla, Keith Yandle with Adrian Aucoin and Derek Morris with either Michael Rozsival or David Schlemko, usually Rozsival.

Oliver Ekman Larsson is smart defensively and a smooth skater. Klesla is a bruiser with a bad attitude who has been providing uncharacteristic offense. Yandle is the whole package, Aucoin a journeyman veteran, Morris a powerplay specialist who isn’t the player he once was and Rozsival is average across the board. The Coyotes defense plays a tight system that transitions very quickly. They do not have our size but they pass with the best of them, not by virtue of skill so much as that, like us, their forwards help out religiously on defense. It’s easy to make a pass when the forward is in perfect position to receive it, but hard when you breathe uncomfortably down the rotted, sunburned defensemen’s neck.

If we don’t get caught chasing their forwards, our forward group can overwhelm their defensemen with our size. Their bottom pairing has been playing well enough but can be forced into mistakes if pressured in their own zone. Their first pairing needs to be somewhat respected and controlled with spacing and by cutting off their outlet passes and the second pairing is good at moving the puck and needs to be pressured at the point.

Our defense, man to man, outmatches theirs in every respect, but again both these teams have gotten where they have based on a strong system and a team unity that allows them to strike at the right time and hold together under moments of adversity. As such, I believe this series will be played largely between the ears.

The Canucks and Blues cracked emotionally,and very quickly at that. That won’t happen with these two teams. The psychological battle will be careful and unfold slowly. Once an edge is gained it must be maintained as both teams can rally back from penalties, goals, hits or fights that go against them.

Coaching and leadership

Both teams have fantastic head coaches, but when it comes to leadership, I give the Kings the overall edge. While Dave Tippett has been with his group for longer, they have been playing his system for years, Darryl Sutter has a group that is replete with leaders. Dustin Brown is just one at the top of many. Willie Mitchell is a leader, Mike Richards is someone others naturally follow, Anze Kopitar has the respect and attention of his teammates and Matt Greene can rally a team with a hit or merely a blocked shot.

System-wise I am not the expert, but as with magnetism of the same charges, this series will either hold steady and equally press upon and repel each other, or a slight imbalance will be found and all hell will break loose, potential energy oozing and zooming at every opportunity. I think we truly have to call the coaching here a draw until further notice.

This series isn’t about the first goal, it’s about the second. But this is where the one factor I’ve left for last comes in.

The Goaltending

Jonathan Quick vs Mike Smith. Both goalies have shut out the other this season. Both benefit from strong defenses and don’t see an inordinate amount of second chances. Quick has the edge in agility, Smith the edge in size, though Quick is quite large himself, he stays low and likes to challenge, whereas Smith stays deep and plays tall. Smith likes to gobble up rebounds whereas Quick like to control them to keep the play moving. Smith’s weakness is primarily his tendency to overplay the puck. He loves to come out across the dots and snag pucks. The Kings can either take this option away from him by carrying the puck more, or mess with him by varying the types of dump-ins they use. Some success has been seen against Smith with short, angled dump-ins meant to ricochet off the half wall at the dots instead of the typical play behind the goal line. As Quick is prone to the bungled play from misplacing the puck behind the net, Smith is gullible towards the bad goal from overplaying it in front.

Smith’s positioning deep in the net also leaves him heavily susceptible to high-tip plays. Of course the Phoenix skaters will have a lot to say about this, but this is where Doughty, Martinez and Voynov need to step up to the plate and truly run the points in a way they weren’t entirely needed to in the first two rounds. They need to draw the defending forwards high to open up space for our forwards to cruise comfortably near the tops of the circles. The low-to-high plays that Scribe hates so much very well may just be the key to solving the league’s second best goalie in the playoffs.

One of these guys is geared to fall off the tight rope they’ve been walking. Smart money goes to Smith for crashing back down to earth. Smith has not had to contend with a forward group like ours. Nashville doesn’t have our talent and the Blackhawks couldn’t get their act together. The Kings will have to score more dirty goals this round, a few of Richards now patented ‘catching the goalie off guard’ goals are also welcome anytime he gets the urge.

All in all this is shaping up to be an epic series. Two teams playing their best hockey of the season at the right time. Two teams finally grasping an identity that has eluded their franchises for years. Two teams who don’t understand the meaning of the word ‘stop’.

But only one team has a Vezina caliber goalie.

Only one has a captain leading the charge in every aspect of the game the way Cup winning captains do.

Only one gets to compete for the Cup.

The Coyotes may play the game the “right” way, but when it boils down to it they are outclassed at every position AND facing a team that is just as hot as they are, if not more-so, having made shorter work of tougher teams that the Coyotes have faced thus far.

One thing is certain, the fans are in for a hell of a ride.

Kings in 6.

Listen.

To:
National Broadcast Channel Sports Network (NBCSN)
The National Hockey League (NHL) and its Commissioner, Gary Bettman.

emails: nbcsportshelp@nbcuni.com, gbettman@nhl.com
On Twitter: @NBCSports, @NBCSN, @NHLonNBC, @commish_Gary

From:
The ardent fans of the NHL

Dear Parties Responsible for Broadcasting the 2012 NHL Playoffs,

As the Conference Semi-Finals draw to a close, the NHL continues to execute its agreement with NBC that every game be broadcast exclusively on the NBC Sports Network, or one of its affiliates. The efforts to bring every playoff game to a national audience are commendable and excite those of us who have spent large portions of our lives and our wallets enjoying the graceful intensity with which the fantastic athletes of the NHLPA put their skills on display.

As such, it is with regret and much sadness that we must express our marked disappointment in the commentating that has accompanied the broadcasts of these 2012 NHL Playoffs.

This time of year resonates within all hockey fans. Whether our team has made the post season or waits patiently for the next draft, we all flock to rally around the year’s finalists. Their stories, their triumphs and their heartbreaks are shared by all who love puck. Those who normally care only for one team rally together for a simple reason; the playoffs are reserved for the best of the best. Only the best teams get to play. The best players shine. The best referees are chosen. The coverage and broadcast teams must also be held to this standard and it is in this respect that we are sorely lacking the best.

The product being displayed to the national audience that both NBC and Gary Bettman hope will decide hockey is worth more than a passing thought, is subpar. It is incumbent upon you to avail yourself upon any and all resources you have at your disposal to accentuate through presentation of sound and video what is already a marvelous product on the ice.

We urge NBC Sports Network to reconsider its choice of broadcast teams. It is glaringly evident that the agenda of the announcers has been idle chatter as opposed to adaptive calling of the action on the ice. Often during these playoffs we have noted how the announcers have trailed off in thoughts that neither enlighten nor interest while the game we hold so dearly passes them by. The call of the action becomes the afterthought. This is never going to be a recipe for moments that will live on historically in the hearts of apt viewers.

In any sport the vast majority of fans must see the games on their televisions. So it is without surprise that those moments in competition that become ingrained in the national psyche – Wayne Gretzky scoring his record breaking 802 goal, George Foreman knocking down Joe Frazier, Team USA defeating the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics – are irrevocably tied to the announcer who made the call. Unfortunately a great moment in sports does not guarantee a great call by the announcer.

So, what is the solution? It would be disrespectful on our part not to offer a solution. The answer is simple: Bob Miller.

Bob Miller is quite plainly, one of the best. He is widely accepted as among the elite in broadcasting of not just hockey, but sports at large. Mr. Miller has been broadcasting for the Los Angeles Kings for almost 40 years. He has been inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame and received the Foster Hewitt Memorial Award for his work in broadcasting, a great honor only one amongst the NBC group of announcers shares.

Mr. Miller has already made historic calls. His voice was forever tied to hockey’s greatest player’s greatest achievement when Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe’s goal scoring record. Bob Miller calls the game with a knowledge and passion that is nearly unparalleled. With the Los Angeles Kings entering the Conference Finals for the first time since Gretzky himself took them there in 1993, Bob Miller is the most qualified and poetically perfect candidate to call games in these 2012 NHL Playoffs.

Just as only the best players and teams are allowed to participate in the playoffs, as the best referees are chosen, so to must Bob Miller, by right of his abilities and body of work be selected to participate in hockey’s most special time of year. Not only has he earned it, but East Coast fans who are often unable to watch games from the Pacific Time Zone deserve to be exposed to one of, if not the single greatest play-by-play announcer the NHL has ever heard.

If bias is a concern, as Bob Miller is himself a Los Angeles Kings fan, we put forth three points. One is that a little bit of bias, which is truly a negative connotation for what is merely a vested interest in the outcome of the game, makes for fantastic broadcasting. Mike Emrick’s most famous calls will always be those he made for his home town New Jersey Devils. Two is that Bob Miller is among the least biased announcers in the league. His play-by-play offers intonation derived from the intensity of the action, regardless of whether his beloved Kings are the beneficiaries of that action. Three is that the group that NBC employs is far from unbiased. The endless and at times mindless chatter is frequently skewed to one side, often without regard to what is transpiring on the ice.

When a historic play is made, we would be remiss for NBC Sports Network to have neglected the opportunity to have a historic man calling the game. Passion is infectious and no one else is as capable of drawing the connection between the eyes and the soul through announcing a game than Bob Miller. Should NBC Sports Network honor our request and hire Mr. Miller, not only will the NHL fans of the largest media market in the country be forever grateful, but across the nation bonds will be formed between a new generation of hockey fans, the NHL and the NBC Sports Network.

Sincerely,

The loyal fans of the NHL

———

Now, we the fans of the NHL must be heard. I have made it easy for you. All you need do is copy and paste the email addresses, the title of this article as the subject and this letter and the body of the email. I have also attached this article as a PDF file if that proves easier to send. That can be found here: An Appeal to NBC Sports Network for Excellence

The only way for change to come is for the people to unite and exclaim a consistent message. This is that message. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. The bar for excellence will never be met so long as mediocrity is deemed acceptable. Further, I have provided twitter addresses. These twitter accounts must be blasted as well.

Spread this to anyone and everyone who has eyes for reading and hearts for hockey.

The jinx. I have heard the term spoken among my fellow fans. It is a self diluted dogma founded upon superstition, without basis in science or fact. Its foundational premise is that something you (you referring not just to the you that reads this article but others around you who you believe are similarly capable of releasing this accursed pretense) do can cause a material change to the game’s ultimate outcome. This delusion, for example, causes one to believe a particular pair of pants he or she wears, the manner in which the person posits their daily routine, the words they speak or the thoughts that may percolate in their head affects the trajectory of the puck or the way in which L.A. Kings players, or that of the other team, perform. I have witnessed this fallacy control a fellow fan’s thoughts and actions, to the point said fan becomes paralyzed if he or she makes a mistake in putting forth the proper foot before the other, fails to stop at his or her requisite burger stand or any number of machinations. I once witnessed a young man break into a panic when, at his pre-game establishment, he learned the brand of beer he always drank before a game was not available on a particular game night and watched his psyche steadily break down wherein he blamed himself for every missed pass, errant shot, defensive gaffe or goal against. It was with guilt and retrospective shame that I agreed with him and proceeded to persuade him to decry with elevated volume the indignity of it all, as other patrons looked on.

What is this power that controls otherwise intelligent folk like yourself? Would you believe that simply because you thought about your girlfriend’s breasts today that you are doomed not to touch them again or, worse yet, your best friend is touching them now? As an aside, if you are an attractive woman with such specific breast related thoughts of your similarly aesthetic and ideally disproportionately well-endowed significant other, I welcome a detailed elaboration of same in the comment section below. Of course you would not! What madness would that be? Why you would be fit for a 5150 hold or, worse yet, indoctrination into a cult with promises of paradisiacal glory. But this is not politics. This is hockey. We have no agenda, no will to power. We love our team, support our team and wish the earned honor upon them, all symbolized by a silver chalice we call the Stanley Cup. We recognize that our control over our beloved comes only in two forms – our fandom that expresses itself through our claps, chants, cheers and emotions and, equally consequential, devotion to the Hockey Gods.

Contrary to the sacrilegious aberrations of the jinx, the Hockey Gods are living deities whose mysterious ways have guided our great sport of hockey to its current illuminated state. To those who are cultivated, I write of that you already know. To the others, I welcome you to this lesson with love and peace.

First, know that the Hockey Gods are not infallible. They, like us, have the capacity to evolve and grow, just as the game has done for decades.

Second, they are not jealous Gods that lash out at detractors. Their ways are more subtle and lead to a self-awareness which brings truth into focus and renders its application self-evident.

Third, they are not Canadian. They used to be but the events of the past 19 years as well as the mere existence of the Vancouver Canucks speaks for itself as to why such identification was simply inconsistent with an enlightened being.

But for the Article of Faith I bring you today, all you must know about the Hockey Gods and their ways is that they demand, above all, an allegiance to your team and the game, one that is born of love and respect. Many have the adulation. Many must learn the reverence. I will bring you one example. On Sunday, Surly threw a displeased grimace at a fan who screamed the word “sweep” with many minutes left in the game. I believe Surly’s reaction was due to his belief that such utterance had a potential destructive force. Surly would be wrong just as he would be right. The word “sweep” with time left has no impact of a jinx variety. However, when the Hockey Gods listen to such lack of respect for the game, they could become displeased. Fortunately, the lone transgressor was an irrelevant noise for Surly and I, among over 18,000 others at Staples Center and many more at homes and bars around the Americas and globe, did not share in that pre-ejaculatory sentiment and were instead swept up in the sheer joy of watching our Kings defeat the St. Louis Blues 3-1 in the game and 4-0 in the series.

I hope I have brought clarity to all Kings fans who grace us with their presence on the pages of this site. I ask that you, like Surly and I, bring the highest order of love and respect to the L.A. Kings and the sport of hockey as we progress through these Stanley Cup Playoffs and skate closer to our Holy Grail.

May the Hockey Gods bless our team.

GO KINGS!

Surly gets shit for yoga, yogurt and tea…and a cat’s ass.

I lament the lost opportunity with Carrie Underwood.

Most of all, we talk L.A. Kings hockey, how we got here and the coming Western Conference Finals as we learn during the show that we will face the Phoenix Coyotes.

Enjoy.

Surly & Scribe L.A. Kings Podcast Show For 5-7-12

Also, don’t come bitching about jinxes, either. Jinxes are superstition, and being superstitious is bad luck.

The rules about coaches are vague, as far as I can tell. But regardless of any rule or interpretation of same, there is an escape clause. The league allows any team to petition the Commissioner to have a person’s name put on the Cup due to extenuating circumstances. So, if the Kings wanted to have Terry Murray’s name on the Cup, they could simply ask for it. Should they?

In my view the Kings would not be where they are without the work done by first Murray and then Sutter, and in that order. Murray not only established a mentality, he also instilled the skill to execute the most rigorous and demanding style of play. The puck-swarming style you now see is the result of all-out effort coupled with chess-like strategies required to be designed and followed spontaneously, everything made up on the fly with players reading off each other at full speed and under great pressure. Learning that took time and terrific guidance; coaching. Murray was the one that spent that time. Murray gave the Kings the wisdom and ability to withstand all forms of forecheck, and to also thwart all forms of attack. Murray got the guys to do everything but score, and he was taking steps to improve that when he was let go.

Sadly, Murray was trying to take steps based on too few adaptations of the Kings’ system. At the start of this year, the Kings proven breakout was changed, and ultimately, changed for the worse. Because the Nashvilles and Detroits of the world were having success with a two-men-deep, point-pinching forecheck, Murray asked the players to use two breakouts, the short and long.

Trouble came when the Kings failed to recognize which was needed, or which one each player was expecting. Instead of just the “short breakout”, with the center typically swooping through the defending zone from below the circles to accept a short pass from the defense and then carry it out, Murray wanted the addition of a quick-up to a forward in center ice to stretch the play (the long breakout). This is over-simplified, of course, but in general the Kings were expected to incorporate two breakout methods, and then recognize as a group which should be used.

What ended up happening were giveaways, passes into pressure, and gaps. The stretch forward was closer to coverage, so he had less time to accept a pass and make the next one; other forwards were either streaking to stay with him (gapping themselves from the defense) or lagging behind having expected the shorter pass (isolation of puck-carrier, and gaps, too). Whipped eggs became neither omelette nor souffle; they just turned into odd, scrambled lumps.

Then, along came Sutter. Forget the quick-up, unless there is a breakaway. Now, the Kings simply want all five guys to stay together, break out methodically, and NOT make the pass too early. If the defense has room they skate it out until they draw coverage, and then they pass it. Why would you send the puck so far away from yourself that you are now out of the play, into the hands of a forward in center-ice facing immediate, out-numbered pressure? Carry the thing and take the ice until you make them cover you, make them come to you, and then you can find a nearby teammate to pass it to. If there is no pressure, keep going! That’s how you saw Rob Scuderi dishing the pass across the attacking blue line against the Blues in game 4; he was carrying the puck, and the Blues let him keep coming. 

The result is that our five guys can stay together, and make it a true 5 on 5 attack. The Blues could not really trap, or force, because all options were available, plus the most dangerous King player was usually the open man coming with speed looking for a pass, which forced coverage decisions and opened up ice for the carrier.

So Sutter cleaned up the breakout, but his real mark was made in his attacking zone decisions and changes.

Our old attack was built on a 1-man forecheck going to 2 men only if not “risky.” The third forward was F3 high, but to a fault. Too high, too 3. We needed him to come in for retreival down low, but he wasn’t there unless he could switch with F2. We almost never had all 3 forwards below the faceoff dots, or even below the tops of the circles. 

Also, our point men were very different than now. The guy on the side where the puck was, the strong-side guy, could sometimes hold the line, but rarely pinched as low as the half-wall. Our weak-side guy, the other defenseman, was stationed mid-ice outside the zone, like a roving safety. We never had the weakside point covered. Consequently, the Kings effectively played at 3 on 5 in the attacking zone, and occasionally it went to 4 on 5 if a low-to-high shot developed. We had no back-door attack (Voynov sneaking down for shot), we had almost no pinching to keep it in.

Under Sutter, it’s a two man, swooping tag-team forecheck on a moving puck, and a solid two-man down low on a stopped puck. Our F3 can join when their 3rd forward goes in, too, as long as he doesn’t get tied up in the scrum and has an escape when he gets the puck.

At the points, our strong-side defensemen now pinch below the dots on the walls, and our weakside guy patrols inside the zone from middle to his own point. This, to me, is the single most important new element to the Kings game, and I had been hoping for it, and writing about it, for years.

Now, we pinch both points, we are there if our board battler needs to ring it around to maintain possession and we are also there to obstruct and disrupt the defending teams’ safety valve play for their own breakout. The weak side used to be a free out for our opponents, but now when the puck gets sent around they have to deal with the same tough pressure on both sides of the ice. If the opposition can’t even get uncontested possession, they sure as hell can’t get speed and flow on attack. Again, our five guys are together, with no gaps, and that makes the forecheck easier, makes retreival easier, and makes scoring easier when we do win the puck.

Under Murray, the system was geared toward semi-possession on offense, a careful defensive presence and containment. Under Sutter, the system is geared toward full-on possession, omnipresence and disruption.

I think it’s obvious that the Kings can execute these new tactics only because Terry Murray taught them how to anticipate, angle and maintain the defensive discipline necessary to contain attacks and prevent shots even when the opponent had extended possession. But, Sutter has expanded the system including new attacks, which in turn have led to more Kings’ possession and thereby fewer attacks against.

One could not be, without the other. The other could not be, without the one. For me, if the Kings had this choice to make, I say Terry Murray played a large enough role in the team, and the season, to be included with his name on the Cup. I just hope it’s a decision that becomes necessary to make.