How many times have we read or heard his quotes equating something hockey related to baseball and the Yankees. I got to thinking about that tonight. I got to thinking about the Yank of all Yankees, George Steinbrenner. George once said:

Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next.

Does Dean Lombardi agree with this? My initial answer was…I don’t know. You’ve probably seen our Quotable Lombardi page. It’s under Surly & Scribe features at the top of this site. It’s a collection of his quotes from April 2006 through the present day. We think we got most of them. He said this in December 2011:

You never see exactly what your coach sees, but for the most part, I think it’s safe to say that with the expectations this year, it becomes more result-orientated. I guess, again, this goes back to (a previous) question. Every situation is different, and the challenge for a coach, as well as players, when you have expectations it’s driven more to results. It’s harder, at times, to look for those victories within losses. That’s just the state of the franchise right now. You could look for more of those things three years ago, but we’re trying to push to the next level. And it isn’t easy. It’s a lot easier playing with the house’s money. So I think, to answer your question, you’re never going to see things exactly (the same) but I do think we’re at the stage of the franchise where you’re going to be judged on wins and losses and playoff rounds. And that’s where you strive to be. It’s a lot easier when there’s no expectations, and with every win you can get a parade. We’re not there right now, so it comes down to wins and losses.

To put it in context, he was asked whether he saw the team “compete” like Terry Murray claimed it was doing.

The thing that jumps out at me is this part: “I do think we’re at the stage of the franchise where you’re going to be judged on wins and losses and playoff rounds. And that’s where you strive to be.”

Strive to be? What the hell did Dean Lombardi think he was being judged on since April of 2006? His word count?

In fact, when you look up and down the Quotable Lombardi page, you don’t really see much of anything about “winning” and the importance of it. Instead, you read a lot of words about character, attitude, competitiveness and intangibles. But “winning” for some reason doesn’t enter Dean Lombardi’s mind or exit his mouth. This also hit me when I read Helene Elliott put this in a tweet a couple of days ago (I have yet to see the tweet by the way as a reader forwarded this in a comment):

When i talked to him monday he was already talking about next season and cap space he gains July 1 to make moves. draw your own conclusion.

I admit to having a what the fuck moment but, again, it didn’t quite register why this bothered me until tonight.

Next season? Cap space on July 1? Okay, I get it, that’s important too but shouldn’t he be absorbed with winning this season? I think that is what “draw your own conclusion” implies.

If I am the GM of the L.A. Kings (for which I am eminently qualified), I am thinking about one thing every minute of every day – winning the Stanley Cup. That’s it. Nothing else enters my mind. Every word I speak is with the goal. Every action I take, directive I give, move I make is to further that intent. I care about winning because that is my job. It isn’t to “compete”, “build character”, “gain a moral victory”, or any other bullshit. It is to kick my opponent’s teeth in and win a Cup. Does Dean Lombardi think like that? Or does he think he is the smartest man in the room? You know what happens when you sit around planning so that one day you can make winning your priority? You lose.

The Edmonton Journal comparing the L.A. Kings rebuild and that of the Oilers

Sporting News, in a well written article, stating the Kings need more goals to reach their…goals (I see what you did there)

My favorite paragraph from this article was:

Yes, the game was fatality-free, but Sutter is either in denial or blind to the facts. Saturday was the 10th time in 56 games this season that Los Angeles lost 2-1. It was the Kings’ 11th overtime or shootout loss, and seventh since Sutter took the coaching reins. Including the defeats for which they have received a consolation point, a full two-thirds of the Kings’ losses this season have been by one goal.

Those goals are what separate Los Angeles from being an elite team, and even if Sutter wants to make the case that “probably 20” teams could use more scoring, there is no escaping the fact that his is one of them.

From earlier in the week, if you missed it, Helene Elliott preaching patience. Well, maybe not preaching.

Skill vs. Toughness.

Brawn vs. Finesse.

The sole sniper with a single bullet and an eagle eye in the brush vs. the wild spray of the blind barbarian’s machine gun fire.

The barbarian is on the ground, a bloody hole amid his brow.

Mark Streit, oh captain, their captain, ended a 1-1 tie shortly into overtime to send the Kings to Dallas to finish out their road trip, where they can at best garner 5 points out of a possible 12 before heading back to Staples.

Ugh.

Hey, at least is was a fairly exciting game. Quick made some fantastic plays as the small but talented Islanders forward bunch darted in and out of the slot in the Kings end. He also smacked Parental Abuse Parenteau down to the ice which was highly amusing. Gotta love the edge our boy Quick has added to his game this year. Jordan Nolan put us all on the edges of our seats at least 4 times with would be first NHL goal in first NHL game scoring chances. Finish? Hah, at this point we should consider the chances themselves to be strokes of genius luck. Dwight King didn’t suck, Doughty played one of his better games and Andrei Loktionov scored his first goal of the season. Huzzah!

Huz… Hu… Well after that it’s more like a Beavis & Butthead “huh-huh-huh”. Because you’d have to be an idiot to smirk at anything else that the Kings have done lately.

I don’t care to hear or speak about anything the other team did well. The Kings continue to be their own worst enemies offensively and a complete ineptitude around the net is at fault. Lose pucks aren’t gathered, rebounds aren’t corralled, battles in blue paint are not won. The Kings had 35 shots on goal. 35. The chances were there, the finish was not. Nor did I see anyone really try and take over the game. Mr. Doughty, Mr. Kopitar, Mr. Richards, that would be your job.

Perhaps I react a bit too harshly. Up until the anticlimactic shift that Streit simply dominated to end the game I was quite enjoying my morning of hockey. But to loose a game in OT with 3 of your players being made to look stupid doesn’t leave one with a pleasant feeling in the bones.

I have nothing else to say. At least games against Dallas are always full of piss and vinegar, much like my Saturday.

What is it Bobby does to lighten the mood? Ah, yes.

Sure, one could say my apathy is largely because it’s not easy to get riled up to watch the Kings take on a team that may just be duller to watch than they are, the New York Islanders. You wouldn’t be totally wrong to say that. But you’d be missing the far more depressing point that watching a team you love struggle to score at a pace that would have been bad even for the decrepit New Jersey neutral zone trap era of clutching and grabbing is not a recipe for a spicy weekend.

Still, with Dwight King and Jordan Nolan set to make their 2011-2012 NHL debuts as top six wingers, roles they weren’t pegged to reach in the duration of their NHL careers, who better for us to play than the NY Islanders, who have been making top 6 forwards out of bottom 6 forwards for over a decade. Take note young ones, just because you are in bigger shoes than your feet can fill does not mean you shouldn’t be able to score dem goals.

Matt Moulson is a 30 goal scorer on a bad team you say? My thought process was just derailed. Shouldn’t a guy who scores 30 goals on a bad team be able to score more than that on a good team? I never really understood that logic. “Well of course he does well there. He’s surrounded by shit!”. So the point being that you have LESS fun having a threesome with a hot chick and her so-so friend than if you had the same threesome with the so-so friend and the mongoloid chick they only let out on especially cold nights? If Trent Hunter can score 20 goals on the Isle, what does that say about the Kings? My money says that you put Hunter on a better team and he actually scores a few more. Put him on the Red Wings and watch his career be magically rejuvenated. Put Matt Moulson on the Flyers and watch him score 40. Though if that were the case he would then have 3 concussions over the next 5 years, get traded to the Kings and proceed to miss virtually the entire season without ever being replaced. Naaaaaaaah.

Ah but the game. The game indeed. I expect a spark. Rookies always provide a jolt of adrenaline. The youthful exuberance that a new recruit brings when they get to live out their lifelong dream for the first time is infectious. If it proves anything but, it speaks to the state of our locker room more than it does the assembly of our talent.

I do think I read that in their last game the Islanders allowed a goal on their first shot against for the 10th time this season, a hilariously pathetic statistic if true. Anywhoo, I’ve found no other news of interest about the Islanders worth mentioning. The Kings big changes have already been discussed. I actually expect a win, but I also expect it to be a struggle. I have been excited to see what Nolan can do in the NHL for a while and I do always love watching players in their first game. It will also be interesting to see if Dwight Kings has improved his game since last year.

Finally, the Islanders have someone whose first name is listed as ‘PA’, which upsets me a great deal. It probably stands for something. Something like ‘parental abhorrence’. That’s how I’ve decided to end this article. Time to get your forum on.

“I chose the Kings for a number of reasons.  First off, I’m a builder. And I see the foundation put in place by Dave Taylor. People sometimes come in and make things look as bad as possible to paint themselves as heroes. But, that’s not the case here…I want to know what happened this season. How can a team fall off the map like this? It’s easy to pin it on the coaches, but the players have to face responsibility, too. They brought in a different coach and that didn’t work.” (April 2006 after being hired by the Kings as President and General Manager)

I have previously analyzed Dean Lombardi’s tenure in an article called The Culture Of Winning. I am proud of that article because I was able to articulate with complete candor exactly how I felt at the time which, when I read it again, is precisely how I feel today. That article however was about looking back. This one is about looking forward.

In any employment context, whether the person is a CEO or a mail room clerk, a warning or two traditionally precedes a termination. I have wondered if hockey coaches and general managers are any different. Did Terry Murray know he was about to get fired? I don’t know. His words indicated surprise. Did Randy Carlyle? Don’t know but he seemed downright stunned. Has Dean Lombardi been warned? Has Tim Leiweke told Dean Lombardi if the mandate of making the playoffs and getting past the first round is not met, the changes will start at the top? I don’t know.

I do know this. For me (and I don’t speak for Surly as he may have a different opinion), the “patience” ship has sailed.

“And I see the foundation put in place by Dave Taylor…” Dean Lombardi stated in April of 2006. That “foundation” is the L.A. Kings best forward, Anze Kopitar, its captain Dustin Brown and their most valuable player, Jonathan Quick. It also included Matt Moulson (Moulson was Lombardi’s UFA signing) who Lombardi lost for nothing, Michael Cammalleri who he traded (but never replaced) as well as Brian Boyle.

“I want to know what happened this season. How can a team fall off the map like this? It’s easy to pin it on the coaches, but the players have to face responsibility, too. They brought in a different coach and that didn’t work…” Ironic isn’t it that we are asking those same questions today? What happened this season? How can a team expected to compete for the Cup struggle this much? He replaced the coach but the offense still cannot produce.

We discussed the “why” in the Culture of Winning article. Here is the “what if.”

What if the L.A. Kings do not make the playoffs this season? Dean Lombardi should be fired.

What if the L.A. Kings make the playoffs and are again eliminated in the first round? Dean Lombardi should be fired.

Harsh?

I don’t think so.

If the L.A. Kings were in the league’s top 5 and true contenders, where would a significant amount of the credit be bestowed? Dean Lombardi. He would be praised for his trades and signings, for his patience, building from the back-end out and for having the guts to acquire Mike Richards. If you know that to be the case, why should it be any different when his moves have failed to produce the intended result. When the CEO of a major corporation spends significant money and uses the company’s resources without the intended result for many years, what happens to that CEO?

But not yet.

The L.A. Kings are in a playoff spot. There is still one half of February left as well as all of March and a speck of April. March looks like a daunting month of games so February has the potential to break us if we continue to falter. I believe at last count, the Kings’ percentage odds of making the playoffs were just over 50%. I think Dean Lombardi should consider that to be his odds of being around after the end of this season and the playoffs. And he should. For this Kings fan, the “patience”, “building” and “the future is bright” mantras have little meaning. After nearly 6 years, I expect results.

But before I get to those moves, let’s discuss how one injured forward necessitates replacement by two rookie forwards. Slava Voynov and his waiver exemptedness (I make up words when I’m upset) is AHL bound.

Carrying 8 defensemen, as the Kings have done for most of the season, is generally a silly thing to do, particularly when you don’t rotate your 6th defensemen regularly. Slava Voynov filled in admirably for Drew Doughty when wunderkind went down with a case of the contracts in preseason and then missed a chunk of games with a case of the dizzies a few weeks later.

That spot duty earned Slava the honor of usurping Alec Martinez’ role as 6th defensemen. Slava did so well in fact that he eventually earned himself Jack Johnson’s top 4 spot.

Oh how the times have changed.

I haven’t seen the last 4 games because of various circumstances, so I don’t really know what Voynov did to play himself off the roster. I can’t speak to how good Martinez has been since finally getting another chance to play after an extended forced sabbatical. What I do know is that during this time, Davis Drewiske, the home-grown boy who never complains, has played a whopping 7 games to Voynov’s 33 and Martinez’ 26. Amusingly, Davis has 2 goals in his 7 games, but come on, Scott Parse, who is as healthy as a tumor, has played more games this season than Davis, whose fiddle is quite fit. Is that dirty? It sounds dirty.

Yes yes Drewiske is that reliable guy who always works hard in practice and can be called upon for reasonably astute defensive duty in a pinch. He would probably get picked up on waivers. In a trade he won’t fetch much. Martinez is too good to let go for nothing and the trade deadline action hasn’t picked up quite yet, if you even think trading Martinez is a good idea, which many do not. Still, unless Voynov committed an egregious error I missed, I fumble to find a reason why Drewiske is forcing Voynov out of the roster…. wait, no I don’t. Safety.

The safe move. This move is the equivalent of not activating your defensemen when you are down 2-0 in the third period. It is sending only one man in on the forecheck. It is playing not to lose instead of playing to win. Sending Voynov down is the move that best aligns with a battle plan that mirrors a squirrel harboring nuts for winter. Voynov in Manchester will serve Lombardi’s hibernation at this trade deadline well, as I am more and more convinced it will be an unspectacular affair for the Kings.

But before we ponder this further, we must consider the two gentlemen who are bouncing up and down in their first class airline seats. Dwight King… is big. I know that much about him. I know he is slow. I know he is second on Manchester in scoring, meaning he is Queen of the offensively lame underworld of the Kings organization. I don’t know what to expect from him but I’ll keep as open a mind as a cynic can spread without hurting himself. Nolan, well if you click that link above you’ll know what I think of Nolan. I like this kid and I like him alot. He is intense, his hands are made of a substance softer than stone and his game is fearless. He will fight, he will hit, he will crash the net. Put him on a line with Clifford and Fraser and watch the havoc unfold.

Will any of this solve the Kings’ scoring problems? Of course it won’t. At best I can hope for a small boost in the interim, but the problem we have can not be solved by Dwight King or Jordan Nolan. Still, I am interested to see what young, fierce rookie blood next to Richards can do to help, assuming Sutter doesn’t just throw Lewis to Mike’s right.

Though of course as I type this I see the practice lines are up at the mushroom’s. I’m not going to bother rewriting anything based on the following, as lines are a vaporous thing.

Brown-Kopitar-Williams
King-Richards-Nolan
Clifford-Loktionov-Lewis
Penner-Fraser-Hunter/Westgarth

Scuderi-Doughty
Mitchell-Johnson
Martinez-Greene

So Richardson gets the shaft and Richards goes from playing with two veterans who are expected to score but can’t to playing with two rookies who shouldn’t be expected to score but will be though they probably won’t.

As you can tell, I’m in a stellar mood.

I am excited to see Nolan play in the NHL. Otherwise my hands will remain in this appalled upwardly thrown position in which they seem to be stuck.

Different topic.

I am not advocating. I am asking questions.

The L.A. Kings don’t want to sign Jeff Carter because he is a one-dimensional offensive forward?

So was Ilya Kovalchuk.

The L.A. Kings don’t want to take on that 10 + year, $5 million dollar + cap hit of Jeff Carter?

But they reportedly offered Ilya Kovalchuk $80 million for 15 years.

Jeff Carter is not a leader, he is not a Dean Lombardi “character” player?

Neither was Ilya Kovalchuk.

It’s not about the cash, it’s about the cap?

Cap hit on the Kings’ Kovalchuk offer and Carter’s contract is about the same. 5.33 vs. 5.27. So…

The L.A. Kings don’t have the cap space now?

From what is rumored (by just about everyone), the Blue Jackets will give Jeff Carter up for a song. Are we really to believe they won’t take Stoll or Penner’s expiring contracts?

But Jeff Carter likes to party!

So does Drew Doughty. So did and does Wayne Simmonds. So does Matt Greene. So did and does Mike Richards. So do I. So fucking what?

Jeff Carter, 27 years old (just turned), 493 games, 193 goals, 169 assists, 362 points, + 43.

Ilya Kovalchuk, 29 years old in April, 750 games, 391 goals, 361 assists, 752 points, - 107.

I am not advocating. I am asking questions. Because nobody else will. Especially this guy.

Matt Barry has heard it.

We have heard it.

Willie Mitchell is getting an extension soon.

He is 35 this April. Spring chicken he is not.

He does have a concussion history. He has been healthy this seasons. Knock wood. If the L.A. Kings past and luck is any indicator, within a few weeks of the ink being dry on that extension, we will lose Willie to the dreaded _____ body injury. You fill in the blank.

Mitchell has a cap hit of $3.5 million. That is a lot of dough for a mid 30′s defenseman but one thing Willie Mitchell brings to the L.A. Kings defense is consistency and respect. He and that extra long stick keep crashing forwards away and clear pucks from around the crease. While nobody will mistake him for Shea Weber, Willie is the reason offensive defenseman like Drew Doughty and, more recently, Slava Voynov can take the role of the active D1.

Willie has value. How much?

Isn’t it always about the how much?

I don’t expect a pay raise or, should I write, a big one. Mitchell is paid fairly for his contributions. A top 4 defensive defenseman should get around $3.5 to $4.0 million per season. I also don’t expect a long contract. Two seasons, on the outside three.

Dean Lombardi values what Willie Mitchell brings. So do I. Willie has never been part of the problem and he has consistently been a key aspect of the solution. I am happy to hear he is signing an extension soon.

(on the game recap…) “We thoroughly outplayed them. They were trying to run around and chase us and hack us and slash us. When you are getting outplayed as badly as they were, that’s the response. We walk out of here feeling very good about the way we played and we move forward from there.’’

(on the goaltending…) “Goaltending was a strong point at both ends of the ice. There was plenty of opportunities and their goalie [Jonathan Quick] certainly got them a couple of points and Theo [Jose Theodore] gave us every chance to win.’’

(on the physicality of the game…) “We didn’t need to get physical. All they were trying to do was cross=check and they [the referees] let a lot of things go late in the game. When you are outplaying a team by a wide margin, you stick with what was working for you and they had a real tough time handling our speed.’’

Sans the whining, he wasn’t too far off. The L.A. Kings did get outplayed for most of the game and Jonathan Quick was outstanding.

You may recall that was also the game we lost Mike Richards to a concussion.

So here we are. We meet again. Florida has struggled. They just got their butt handed to them by Washington 4-0 and before that by Tampa Bay 6-3. Cue the Rich Hammond “the ____ [opposing team name here] is going to be mad.” January was a tough month for Florida. They won 2 out of 9. “____ [opposing team name here] will be pissed off!” We have beaten them 7 straight. “____ [opposing team name here] will be fucking livid!”

Who gives a damn?

Exactly.

We have our own problems. It starts with scoring goals. Mike Richards has 1, freaking 1, in the last 19 games. Is he due? Overdue. Did you know we are 15-0-1 when we scoring 3 or more goals? Do you know why? No, not because it’s a 3-2 league. It’s because our defense and goaltending is outstanding and one of the best in the league. The thing that separates this team from being a legitimate Cup contender is offensive support. I know sometimes we get frustrated with the team, coaches, management and so forth but the holes are two wings, one to the left and the other right of Mike Richards. Too simple? Maybe. But I don’t get paid $1 million per year to figure it out. Dean Lombardi does. Figure it out, Dean.

Why is Matt Barry so upset? The aforementioned concussion. Barry wants Blood. Think W, Matt. Just the W.

This is your open forum.

I asked Lombardi whether the dynamics of the deadline will allow the Kings to significantly improve…

LOMBARDI: “As the season moves along, people have a better handle on which direction they want to go.

There are buyers and sellers

There’s two things that can happen. One, obviously, is a team just strictly downsizing, like we did five years ago, and just saying, `Let’s get picks.’

There are sellers who are rebuilding.

Secondly, you might have a philosophical change and just say, `It’s not a downsizing, per se, but we want a change to change the structure of our roster.’ So it’s not a rental, per se. It’s different.

There are sellers who are not rebuilding.

I think, as the deadline gets closer, it’s not about the deadline. It’s that more teams realize what they have or don’t have.

As the season wears on, teams figure out which one of the two sellers they are or whether they are buyers.

They take into consideration how many injuries they have, and say, `If we get guys back, we’re OK,’ or they say, `We’ve got to look at upgrading our back end.’ And the rentals are always going to be there.

The bubble teams either hold the course because they can navigate through it or they try to upgrade and find a rental. (Note here that the “back end” reference is just an example he uses. He could have spoken of any upgrade there)

“The question about the rentals is just the price. If you look back, and you take all the deadline deals — just look at them and line them up — you’ve got all kinds of juice on deadline day, but how many of them have really effected the team?

Whether a buying team goes for a rental depends on what they are giving up. Look at most rentals. Although there is a lot of action on deadline day, few acquisitions have been impact players in the short-term or long.

There’s this perception of all this juice and action, then you look at what really happens.

Fans and media think that teams are one player away, but rarely does it work that way.

Last year, arguably, we got one of the top players. How many players had average 25 goals? That was, `Wow, that was a big deal.’ In terms of the rentals, that’s always going to be there.

We thought we did great with Penner. And offensive players, to varying degrees, are generally there for the taking as rentals.

As a practical matter, we don’t have a second and a third (round draft picks). Manchester is still a very young team, but you always have to be cognizant that (new) guys are coming through.’’

But we also gave up picks. And this year, we don’t have a lot of picks to give for a rental. So, we look at Manchester and also ask ourselves whether we have players coming in next year that are going to fill the need we are considering filling with the rental.

(note that Dean really didn’t answer Rich’s question but Hammond doesn’t follow up on the initial question he asked. Why? Watch what Rich asks next.)

Question: So, as you look at it, it’s still a matter of finding the right fit?

(This question qualifies as a “I have no idea what you just said, so I am going to fall back on this ‘fit’ thing I have heard you talk about before until I figure out what to ask you next”)

LOMBARDI: “It’s being cognizant of knowing what we’ve got coming and knowing what we’ve got now.

If we are going to get a rental player, we have to be cautious depending on the rental’s contact, especially if we have that same style player coming up through the system.

It’s knowing who we’ve got coming and who is going to help this team next year, and making (a potential move) fit with that.

(Damn Rich’s parentheses)

If a rental replaces that player coming up with his contract and takes that coming player’s spot or stifles us cap wise, it won’t work.

With a rental, you can say, `I don’t care if it doesn’t fit with these kids that are coming,’ but with other (trades), it’s, `OK, let’s trend this way.’’’

(Well, there is that parentheses again from Hammond substituting his own words for that of the interviewee. If I take “trades” on face value, the last quote means)

That’s the difference between a rental player who is just here for this season and one with a contract you keep. If we are keeping the contract, then we have to look closely at the kids coming up from Manchester because it’s no longer just a rental, it’s a real trade.

Question: But how patient can you afford to be? What if the only real option is a player who doesn’t necessarily “fit’’ with other things?

LOMBARDI: “I don’t have a problem with that. But as far as what’s out there, it’s like I said. There are probably seven or eight out there, but out of them, the ones that will be there as rentals, one of them will probably hit. Those are usually the ones that go to a really good team and don’t have to carry the mail.’’

I don’t have a problem bringing in a short-term impact player that won’t necessarily fit in the long-term and who is a pure rental. But there are only 7 or 8 of those types of impact players out there and out of all of them who may be out there, you may only see 1 of them traded and that type of impact player typically goes to a top team in the league who is making a Cup run.

(This is Lombardi telling everyone that the Kings are not that team)

That is the end of the Lombardi Speak lesson.

Anze Kopitar. Kopistar. Big Kop. Our young Joe Thornton. That deflection took a deft touch and kudos to Justin Williams timing his shot so well. It almost looked like a set play. Let’s see if we get that again.

Kyle Clifford. Redemption. After an aggressive but still undisciplined penalty, Cliffy made that breakaway look easy. Deke, tuck, and the patented Clifford goal celebration. Cliffy has looked like a different player under Sutter. Catch fire, Kyle. Our young Adam Graves.

But despite these three scoring the goals, the player that gets maximum love is Willie Mitchell.

Mitchell single-handedly broke up three great scoring chances and was the white on Stamkos’ rice when 91 got anywhere near the net. Willie has been the L.A. Kings’ anchor on defense and deserves tremendous credit for keeping the front of Jonathan Quick’s net cleared.

Tampa is a good offensive team but they came as advertised. When the Bolts started falling back below the top of the circle in their own zone and guarded nobody, they gave us options. Point shots, lateral seams, open lanes to “fall in”. Penner fell into one of those lanes and got his…someone help me out here, how many goals does Penner have? 5? Kopitar exposed the Lightning by sneaking behind their defense.

If there is one gripe I continue to have with every L.A. Kings player, it is the hesitation in the offensive zone. On D, our players are quick acting. The passes are short and without thought. When we have the puck on a breakout, there is no pause, the skater is either moving his feet or passing the puck. When we get in the offensive zone, we stop skating. The moment our feet stop, the defense closes in. When the passes connect and the recipient (especially the wingers) have the puck, they hesitate too much. Have lane, shoot the puck. Don’t have lane, move your feet with it or make the pass until a lane opens up. So often, “fast” teams aren’t fast skating. They just move the puck quickly which gives the illusion of speed. L.A. does not move the puck quickly enough. When you give the D and the goaltender time to set and they wait for your shot, your odds of scoring drop with every passing 10th of a second. Get pucks to the middle of the ice and then pass, shoot, score. That’s the cardinal rule to a consistent offense.

Scribe’s Three L.A. Kings stars:

3. Dustin Penner

2. Anze Kopitar

1. Willie Mitchell

Tonight’s obligatory babe of the evening, Zooey Deschanel

Next up on Thursday, the other Florida team.

The Lightning are near the top of the league in offense and goals scored. Their defense is ranked 30th.

Each team sucks for different reasons.

Tonight, one team will suck less.

Who will it be?

It makes me sad to say that Jarret Stoll and Dustin Penner are very close to reaching a “dead to me” status. If I am Mike Richards, I look to my left and right and wonder what the hell I did to deserve these two as my wings.

If Jarret ever wants to wear an L.A. Kings jersey beyond this season, he will get his floating and offensively challenged ass in gear. I wonder if the arthritis and/or hand injuries he had last season have taken a toll or an unspoken turn for the worst. I don’t see him even trying to get open for the shot anymore.

As for Penner, eat more pancakes.

If there are no line changes, and if memory serves me correctly, Clifford was on the Richards line. There were so many adjustments made in the last game (third period to be exact), I couldn’t keep up.

I read Alec Martinez will play in Slava Voynov’s place. Showcasing Alec? Maybe. Doubt it. Who knows.

The first line looks good. Justin Williams has that “swagger” in his game. Kopitar is Kopitar. Like a young Joe Thornton. Brown has picked up the hitting as a power forward should.

Loktionov is still looking for his first goal, right? Brad Richardson has, what? Three? Lewis? Two? Pathetic.

What is Dean Lombardi to do? This is the price you pay for being overly focused on defense and goaltending (and building a damn good D by the way) and not bringing balance to the team. We unfortunately reap what he sowed.

Bottom line: The L.A. Kings have to win as a team. Each line must play the same game. There is a reason Darryl Sutter constantly expresses or implies that there is no 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th line. He is exclaiming that the forecheck, getting the puck in the scoring zone, net presence, offensive creativity (notice how many one timers the Kings now attempt each game when we used to see it once every few months?), back checking and defense is each line’s equal responsibility. We are not talented enough at wing to rely on our talent at wing to win games, not with players like Stoll, Penner, Lewis, Richardson, Westgarth, Hunter and even Clifford being relied upon to score goals on the left and right.

It’s win(g) by committee where every player reads from the same script, plays the same aggressive game or collectively fails.

Unfortunately, I still see a team that, at times and when they are at their worst, playing like it has the components of a scoring line, checking line, a shut down line and a “classic” fourth line. That is not what Sutter is preaching. His words could not be any more clear to me. The boys have to break out of this funk wherein they are reverting to bad habits and failing to play an aggressive 3 man forecheck with an active D1. They must do that on a consistent basis if they want to cure their offensive ills.

Will they do it? Are two consecutive road losses enough? Will Dean Lombardi draft another defenseman in the coming draft? All good questions.

This is your open forum.

The problem with this super “bowl” thing (other than it makes me think of weed) is you can’t get away from it. It’s like an airborne virus…a boring one. Anyway, here is what I learned.

It’s actually not played by puppies.

A goal is called a touchdown, even though you don’t touch anything once you score and the idea is to stay upright.

A goal is 7 points. The final score of tonight’s game was 21-17. It’s a 3 – 2.3333 league.

There is also a “field” goal, which is less than a goal. It’s like hitting the post and getting almost half a goal. I hope Gary Bettman isn’t reading this. Don’t want to give him any ideas.

The team called the Patriots is from “New England.” I am glad the dipshits lost. Pick a State.

This is their trophy.

Don

Embarrassing.

This is a fucking trophy.

Jonathan Quick is a New York Giants fan. Matt Barry is a New York Giants fan. This is likely the only thing Quick and Barry have in common.

Back to this bowl thing. In college, they also have bowls, lots of them. In the professional version, it’s different and it’s “super.” Still makes me thing of weed.

The sport is basically a modern version of outdated warfare. They walk to a line, shoulder to shoulder and face their opponents who also stand shoulder to shoulder. Then, instead of leveling their muskets or rifles and firing a volley, they run into each other.

Picture the last ten Kings games. A bipolar affair.

Imagine there were none before it and the playoffs started now. Why?

Now say we play Phoenix next game and we win. Their season is now over.

You have to wait a week for the next Kings game. It’s against San Jose. We win! Niemi had an off night but too bad, no more hockey in Northern California for 4 months.

Another week drags by and we play Detroit. Oh boy. The game goes to OT and we win on a questionable call by the referee. yippee!

No hockey now for two weeks. Crosby’s team hasn’t even seen the ice for almost a month but still, every damn radio and tv station won’t shut up about him. The Kings are all set to play the Bruins. One game, winner take all. People are excited about the game but even more so, millions set their DVRs so they don’t miss the $4 million Big Bear Mountain Ski Resort commercial. I hear it has singing dogs and monkeys masturbating.

Game day arrives and the streets are empty. All are tuned in to watch the year’s biggest event. Kings vs. Bruins. People who don’t even know what icing means will be watching and cheering. It should only take 4 or 5 hours until we know who wins. It would go faster, but between each period Madonna will slip one of Janet Jackson’s nipples up her ass and that will slow things down. The national anthem is set to be sung by some rapper with a lisp whose name more closely resembles a chemical compound found in cleaning agents than anything a parent may write on a birth certificate. No matter, our ears have gone deaf to the sound of drums blaring fight songs for each team that all really sound the same. A mountain of people carry on as if they never left college though they weren’t intelligent enough to be accepted in the first place.

Meanwhile I’m out of town, very glad that I watch football instead of hockey and that I get to see my team play at least 82 times a year. That when my team makes it to the playoffs and the finals and I’ll get to watch them at least twice in my stadium each round. Thank god I am a football fan and that when my team wins a championship it will be because they have proven themselves to be the best beyond doubt and reason, that the whims a single day brings have been ironed out and rendered neutral by the tests of time and the magic of the rematch.

It’s also pretty cool that for one Sunday each year, the golf courses won’t be crowded.

Enjoy watching the Super Bowl as much as I will enjoy avoiding it.

Me: What, from the summer? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that now?

Surly: No, dumb shit. From a couple of nights ago. I must have forgotten to take the tap off Lombardi’s phone and when I checked out the recorder and transcriber machine before I left, I found gold!

Me: You tapped his phone?

Surly: Yes…

Me: Did I know that?

Surly: Do you want this fucking thing or not?

Me: Send it over.

So, here it is boys and girls.

[phone rings]

Meehan: hello?

Lombardi: Hey jerkoff…

Meehan: Hey jackass! Didn’t expect to hear from you. Is it time for another go-around? I didn’t have you on my radar so soon.

Lombardi: Yeah, well, this isn’t about anyone coming up. It’s about Drew.

Meeham: Drew? My 8 year, $56 million dollar man? Hey, did my fist up your ass do any permanent damage? Come on, tell the truth.

Lombardi: I’m pissed off, Don. I told you this kid wasn’t ready for that kind of contract.

Meehan: Ahh. Poor wittle Wean Wombardi. Having buyer’s remorse. You know, I was just telling Burkie the other day, there are three people in this world that pay retail – Doctors, Japanese and you.

Lombardi: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Meehan: It means you paid for potential, dumbshit. Just like you didn’t want to do. You paid a 21 year old kid who won’t be on his game until he’s about 26, $7 million dollars per season between now and then. But you know what? It’s even better than that…

Lombardi: Fuck off…

Meehan: No, no, hear me out. You’ll suffer through it this season, maybe even next but then you’ll trade him and get some shit in return, shit with potential but which will end up being shit regardless and then, right before your eyes, you will see Doughty blossom into a superstar, the player he never was for you. Then again, you’ll be long gone by then but the fans, oh the fans, they never forget shit like that.

Lombardi: You’re fucking evil, you know that?

Meehan: Evil? You should consider yourself lucky. I would have never let my boy Richards sign that contract with Philly if I knew he was going to play for a schlemiel like you. You would have gotten him at an $8 million dollar cap hit and you would have paid it.

Lombardi: Yeah, well, you didn’t. And this is not over between you and I. I’ll fuck you yet.

Meehan: [laughing]

Lombardi: What is so funny?

Meehan: [laughing harder]

Lombardi: Stop being an asshole. Why are you laughing?

Meehan: I just got an email from my boy Zach, saying you are talking with Lamoriello…

Lombardi: You represent Parise?

Meehan: Jesus, you are stupid. I represent everyone. You get that? Every freaking one. I own you and the other GMs. You think those players play for you. Well, you and the other 29 play for me. Except you are my fourth line idiot that I sit two-thirds of the season. Who is that useless moron on your team?

Lombardi: Penner?

Meehan: No, the other one.

Lombardi: Hunter?

Meehan: No, no, the other one.

Lombardi: Stoll?

Meehan: Hey, watch it asshole. That is my client and no, the other one.

Lombardi: I don’t have all day.

Meehan: Moreau. That’s his name. You’re my Ethan Moreau. Do you know what I will do to you if you trade for Parise? It will  make the Doughty deal look like a trip to the 99 cent store.

Lombardi: Well, you don’t have my All-Star, Quick.

Meehan: Yet…

Lombardi: What does that mean?

Meehan: It means my fist is getting warmed up. What are you going to do when he switches agents?

Lombardi: Quick is a good kid. He won’t screw the team.

Meehan: He is your team, dummy. Without him, you’d be back to scouting, only this time for the Coyotes or something. You think I got Bryzgalov a sweet deal? I am going to make Jonathan Quick my Mona Lisa.

Lombardi: He’s not your client, you arrogant prick.

Meehan: He’s not my client, yet, Dean. Yet. So, why did you call me?

Lombardi: …

Meehan: Hello?

Lombardi: I can’t fucking remember.

Meehan: That happens when you’re under a lot of stress because your job is on the line, the fans are starting to call for your head and the leading media columnist wants a piece of you almost as much as I do.

Lombardi: Helene likes me.

Meehan: Oh I am sure. She likes you as much as you like reading about your top six left wing throwing out his back eating pancakes. How is the flying fridge working out for you?

Lombardi: Not too good.

Meehan: Hey, but those Surly & Scribe fools really wanted that trade, didn’t they? Are you still getting your trade ideas from them? Is that why you are so hot and heavy after Zach?

Lombardi: I don’t want to talk about it.

Meehan: Maybe you should put one of those fuckers in charge. I am sure one of them could draft or trade for a top 6 left wing in under 6 years.

Lombardi: I hate you.

Meehan: The feeling is mutual. Take care of that ass for me. I will need it again soon, I am sure. Ciao, bitch.

[click]

Did you know this girl in high school? The one you would never date but her daddy was rich, she wore nice clothes, drove a real nice car, was popular and hung out with the “hot” versions of the other rich girls but she came with two major drawbacks – one she was ugly and two she thought she was all that because of her family’s money. I knew this girl in high school and her name was Edie (pronounced “EE-DEE”). More and more, I think the Edmonton Oilers are her.

Edie dated this kid. Everybody knew him and he was well liked. Not really a jock but a good athlete, had a 70′s hairstyle which we could never figure out but it worked for him, some even thought he and Edie were a good fit together and she had finally found someone compatible but for some reason, out of the blue, she dumped him. Poor guy, he cried and cried, he must have really liked her, go figure. He started dating other girls and finally landed a hot little mama from L.A. whose daddy was even more rich but who had some emotional baggage, was kind of that dumb smart girl who could never really get out of her own way and get it together but knew how to party and was fun. Anyway, back on topic, he ended up cheating on the L.A. girl and he got back together with Edie. She seemed happy. He was happy or so we thought until we heard she may dump him again…as long as we don’t have to watch the fucker cry, we don’t care. Ryan Smyth.

Edie landed this big, strapping guy, football player type, QB, boy was he an asshole but the girls swooned over him. Not sure how the hell she got him but there was a rumor it was a family affair and it was good for his image to stop banging the sluts and strippers and instead go out with someone of equal financial yolk. His parents insisted. That didn’t last long as he started banging those same sluts on the side and she dumped him. Boy was she butt hurt over that one. Chris Pronger.

Edie rebelled and had a threesome, got drunk at a party and two guys went sword fighting with her. One guy was pretty popular and a ladies man, the other drunk just about every time we saw him outside of school but everybody liked him because he could score weed and alcohol at will. After that night, I heard there were other incidents where they tag teamed her but it was one of those deep family secrets and the boys one day disappeared, changed schools, were paid off to shut up and we didn’t hear from them again. Coincidentally, we heard they started banging that same chick from L.A. Jarret Stoll & Matt Greene.

Right about the time of the threesome, Edie totally stole this other girl’s boyfriend, long time boyfriend, like they were going to get engaged and married type of long-term boyfriend. The boy and girl had known each other since kindergarten and man, were they in love. Rumor had it when her parents were away, he would come over, actually bake her cookies and they would make love while the sweet smell of chocolate chip engulfed the house. I don’t know what the fuck happened but one day, in the parking lot, we saw he and Edie making out. We were floored. His girlfriend? At first, she was fucking crushed. Then, fucking pissed off! The thing with Edie and this guy ended fast, we knew it would and he and his ex-girl never got back together. We always wondered though if they one day may until we heard he started banging this chick with a strain of incurable Gonorrhea. Lubomir Visnovsky.

Edie dated this total clown. This dude was hilarious, great sense of humor. He had knocked up this other chick the year before, I think she was older, maybe even college, and we weren’t sure if she had the baby or not, it was all hush hush but in any event, we’re talking about a guy who was the life of the party. The dude that is always in second gear in everything he does but, man, he could crack a joke at the drop of a hat and have you in stitches. Still though, just unmotivated and pretty much relied on his personality to get him through life. She dumped him. We knew it wouldn’t last but it was fun to watch for a short while. He too started bagging the L.A. girl. That babe got around. Small world. Dustin Penner.

So, Edie finally had it with the upper classmen and decided to start dating good-looking freshman who were new and impressionable and from good families. Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Magnus Paajarvi. Oddly, one of them we think was her cousin because, although he was a nice kid, he was pretty goofy looking. Taylor Hall. They’ll grow up. They’ll stop fucking Edie. They’ll move on.

Make Blues – Hurricanes.

Make score 2-1 instead of 1-0.

Add much better first period.

Add a sprinkle of average goaltending in short bursts.

And you get an L.A. Kings offense that beat an L.A. Kings team.

Why?

Because despite opportunities and scoring chances as well as puck possession and a good forecheck, the fucking L.A. Kings cannot mother fucking finish.

This is a team of play makers.

Dustin Penner and Jarret Stoll…don’t get me started.

Mr. Lombardi, get your ass in gear. Bring in a scorer you putz. It’s been 6 fucking years and you haven’t drafted, developed or traded for a top 6 left wing.

Their captain and center Eric Staal leads them in points. Their coveted left wing Tuomo Ruutu leads them in goals. Goalie Cam Ward has a goals against average of 2.80 although the fucker is in fuego the last 5 games and the Canes are 3-1-1. In other words, we are playing a bad team who is hot.

Jonathan Bernier you ask? Don’t know yet. But, I will be upset if Quick gets the start. We are burning Quick out and Bernier has to stay sharp. The only way that happens is if he gets games. It is the only criticism I have so far of Darryl Sutter but it’s a growing one.

So, here we go.

This is your open forum.

It sucks to be Brayden right now…hope the kid is okay.

Clifford vs. Kovalchuk next time we play these bastards.

(on struggling with breakout passes…)

SUTTER: “First period, it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ (butt) is up in the air, from getting knocked on it. After that, we were fine.’’

What? The word used clearly was not “butt”. Hammond’s Amish filter on Insider either reframed the word “ass” or Rich has some fucked up idea of an ass synonym. Good grief, I hope he isn’t using antonyms. This is the problem with censorship. The filter kills the message.

Back to the quote. Let’s assume Rich’s fetish didn’t exist and the quote actually was, “it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ ass is in the air, from getting knocked on it.”

Okay…

I feel like I am in high school, the teacher just said something really dumb and I am the only one who caught it…but I’m concerned about raising my hand and asking the question because there is a possibility I somehow missed something and it isn’t the teacher’s statement that was dumb but the question I am about to ask.

So, at the risk of asking something that may mirror the above, “excuse me, Darryl, why would the ass be in the air, from getting knocked on it?”

Ass. In the air. I googled it and didn’t get much help.

Could he mean, “it’s tough to make the first pass when your friggin’ ass is on the ice, from getting knocked on it.”

That would make sense.

I am running with that until someone points out what I am obviously missing.

Until then, let’s enjoy something that comes without parentheses or ambiguity