I surmise that Bobby didn't watch the game, or at the least is disinterested in recalling it. He definitely wasn't there. We've had this nice thing where I write the pregames, he writes the post games, and its worked out for the most part. But I suppose we weren't the only ones who decided not to follow a winning formula tonight. I only caught the final 24 minutes of this one, work delays at … [Read more...]
Dallas @ Kings
March 7, 2013 By
Ironically fitting that we play the Stars one night after that game against the Blues. Having missed the tumultuous Tuesday affair, the most exciting non- "one where we lifted the Cup" game I attended was against the Dallas Stars a few years back. The one where the Kings came back from a four goal deficit in the third period to win in OT, scoring five goals in five minutes and six goals in seven. … [Read more...]
St. Louis @ Kings – Back To Business
March 5, 2013 By
I mean that in two ways. The Kings hopped right back to the business of winning after losing to Vancouver and I had to go back to business, where I will remain, instead of getting to watch the game tonight. I also forgot to set my DVR, the fiancé is out of the country, so I'm totally screwed here unless I can get home in time to record the replay on FSN, which is far from a guarantee. Anyhoo, … [Read more...]
Nashville @ Kings
March 4, 2013 By
I think I may be over the rhyming. Partly because we lost to Vancouver and partly because I watched this movie about Alfred Hitchcock last night and he told a lot of limericks in a profoundly creepy manner. Lots of hostility in that last thread. I'd like to take it as a compliment, but I know it was merely motivated by how much you all despise the Canucks. Watching them win is an offense to … [Read more...]
Kings @ Canucks – Six For Six
March 2, 2013 By
There are a few teams that you hate, While the Kings you'd like to felate The Canucks we despise, Like a woman's white lies But both end up harmless to those who will wait. If a Sedin sat and stared at the stars, Showing sad freckles that look more like SARS Well I'd just walk right up, And say 'look here's my Cup' 'No you can't touch it you mongoloid fuckwit, it ours.' But then ol' Ryan Kesler … [Read more...]
Red Wings @ Kings – Like A Bomb
February 27, 2013 By
A win tonight will put the Kings in the top eight in the West and the Red Wings out of it. While the standings are largely nebulous at this point in the season, the Kings playoff spot has mostly been deferred this young season. What happens to a team deferred? Does it give up Like a contractor in Detroit? Or pester like TooToo-- Just praying for a fight? Does it stink like Bertuzzi? Or bend … [Read more...]
Gagne Go Bye-Bye
February 26, 2013 By
Per your source of choice, Simon Gagne is a Philadelphia Flyer once more. The Kings get a conditional pick in return. The Kings get a fourth round pick (one that previously belonged to Phoenix) if the Flyers miss the playoffs. If they make the playoffs, the Kings get Philly's third rounder. Despite some fantastic play from our old friends Brayden Schenn, who is having a breakout year much to … [Read more...]
Ducks @ Kings – A Sonnet for the Sucks
February 25, 2013 By
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Though art hot, and also temporary: Rough stuff may shake those who tempt Souray, But your lease on wins dies with contract of Perry: Sometimes too hot does the scalp of your coach glow, And oft is his pasty complexion reddened; And every coach at times swears like Boudreau, But like a blimp they are not all fattened: But thy eternal filth shall never … [Read more...]
Last Chance For Two Replica Rings (And They’re FREE!)
February 23, 2013 By
After having mailed out, I think, 16 Stanley Cup replica championship rings to deserving fans all over the country and several north of the border, there are two left. I was about to email the next people on my list who wanted to pay the $40 for a ring, when I received an email from Jared. Jared bought both rings. That asshole. But he didn't buy them for himself. He bought them for … [Read more...]
Colorado @ Kings (Finally) – All Lappy All The Time
February 23, 2013 By
I am ionic an incisive to eye Ian. Laperriere. Lappy. Lappy loves LA and LA loves Lappy. Lightly lions lacerate ligaments compared to Lappy lighting up lamps and losers. Most popular player. Fan Favorite. Kings legend. Pregame ceremonies suck. Afternoon games suck. The combination has all the makings of an unsurprising defeat. But it's Lappy day, and Lappy lay low like lightning … [Read more...]
Kings @ Flames – A Pregame That Doesn’t Suck
February 20, 2013 By
That's a lie, its gonna suck. The pregame, not the game. Because a pregame isn't a game, in fact, what the hell is a pregame anyways? There's too much use of the prefix pre. George Carlin taught me that. George Constanza taught me to go out on a high note. George Michael taught me to have faith. Fuck George Michael. I don't need faith to tell me the Flames are a bad team. That Joey … [Read more...]
Kings @ Oilers Ho-Hum Game Thread
February 19, 2013 By
Looks like Quick is in net, that's fine, long as Bernier starts tomorrow. Looks like Gagne is out, which is great, because he's been perhaps the most useless player on the ice. Ah, I really have nothing to say about this one. Just want a win. We'll discuss the game when its on, until then, whatever. Taylor Hall looks like a ferret All the Oilers skill doesn't merit A good team, cause defense … [Read more...]
The Voice In My Head – Missing David Courtney
February 18, 2013 By
Too little has been said about the booming voice and the man behind it, David Courtney. I still can't believe he's gone. It struck like bolt of sad lightning when I heard David Joseph announce the starting lineup for the Blue Jackets on Friday. "This is wrong" said I, to myself. No one was listening at that moment inside my head. Instantaneously I was transported through some memories of … [Read more...]
Three Doesn’t Have A Square Root Because Decimals Are Bullshit – Kings @ Hawks
February 17, 2013 By
I'm not going to describe the logic that went through my head to arrive at that title, but rest assured, it's convoluted and makes little sense. Ok fine, I'll give you a summary of the logic. Kings win today, well boy howdy it's a bona fide winning streak. They lose, back to square one. Potatoes are root vegetables and I'm hungry. Afternoon games are bullshit and there are there are no half … [Read more...]
Home Again and Ready for a Ruckus – BJs @ Kings
February 15, 2013 By
I hope you all had a shitty Valentine's Day. I mean that, in the nicest way possible. I hope it was depressing and filled with regret. It would tickle me the appropriate pink if the rose you bought wasn't red enough, the words in the sappy card rang false and that the chocolates you ate gave you both diarrhea. Maybe if you spent your Valentine's Day bitter and pissing out of your rear end … [Read more...]
Kings @ Blues – It’s Not About St. Louis
February 11, 2013 By
Hockey gods, hear this prayer. But not before I insult you, Yesterday earned it, mon fraire What's this shit you've done? Losing games hard fought Games we should have won. Stop tickling Quick In all the wrong places You're giving me a tick Making me make stupid faces Ones that say 'OH!' And some that say 'aww' What are you, a fucking dentist? Guffaw guffaw I can't even rhyme right, You're … [Read more...]
Apparently, the L.A. Kings Kick Some Serious Ass in Puck Possession Time…
February 6, 2013 By
Everyone knows that Surly and I love statistics. Surly spends his spare time making spreadsheets about anything and everything. So naturally, when we heard about this article that touts our puck possession skills and calls our L.A. Kings all kinds of nice things, we had to post it. And this Adam Gretz guy doesn't suck...the writing was even half way decent. But seriously, his father couldn't … [Read more...]
So Long Andrei “The Not-So-Giant” Loktionov, Enjoy Newark
February 6, 2013 By
Per whatever source you feel like looking up, Andrei Loktionov was granted his request today when he was traded to the New Jersey Devils in exchange for the Devils 5th round draft pick. I have mixed feelings on this deal. I do believe that Loktionov is worth, or will be worth in the near future, much more than a 5th round pick (perhaps not coincidentally, it was in the 5th round that the Kings … [Read more...]
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