You want me to talk about the game last night, or my trip to San Jose? I kind of don't feel like talking about either. I kind of feel like talking about the Denny's I stupidly and drunkenly wandered into at 1:30am. San Jose is a sleepy town, very dull, but for the most part well kept. However some areas, like by our hotel near the airport, are... Erm... Less so. I saw an interesting group of … [Read more...]
Kings @ Sharks – Round 2 Game 3 – Down By The Bay
May 18, 2013 By 12 Comments
Two down. Two to go. By the time you read this, I'll be somewhere in the middle of nowhere on the 5 freeway, heading north to test my lucky underwear out at the HPV Pavillion in San Jose. I won't be in a car though, with plenty of adrenaline still pumping from that marvelous win on Thursday, I think I'll just run there. The Shark Tank, as it's known, if you've never been there, is a wonderful … [Read more...]
If I Go To Church, Then I Can’t Be A Sinner, Right?
May 17, 2013 By 13 Comments
Now that both Todd McLellan and Doug Wilson have made their comments about Raffi Torres' suspension and how they think it is bogus, a common theme has jumped out. They, and others, are quick to make the point that Raffi has done a lot to change his game, citing the few minor penalties he has taken since joining the Sharks. That's all well and good, but it would appear these yokels have sucked … [Read more...]
Sharks @ Kings – Round 2 Game 2 – The More Things Change
May 16, 2013 By 23 Comments
It seems the only storyline heading into this game is Raffi Torres' hit on Jarret Stoll, his imminent NHL hearing, and the latter's injury and exclusion from the lineup. So let's talk about something else. As we discussed before, and saw on Tuesday, San Jose is a much different team than St. Louis. They passed with zippy gusto and buzzed around the Kings' zone like so many gnats that need … [Read more...]
From The Archives: The Shark Who Came To Dinner
May 15, 2013 By 7 Comments
**By reader request, I'm reposting this article from the last Kings-Sharks playoff series. I had forgotten about it, but reading it over again I am reminded that I must find a cure for writing during REM sleep. This is a big bowl of What The Fuck. So for those that enjoyed it the first time around, and those who have joined us here since, here ya go... ** I woke up early this morning. I … [Read more...]
Sharks @ Kings – Round 2 Game 1 – Payback, Like Joe Thornton, is a Bitch
May 14, 2013 By 25 Comments
They say time heals all wounds. They may be right, but what doesn't heal all wounds? A Stanley Cup. Despite our glorious achievements and the San Jose Sharks distinct lack of them outside of a few meaningless division titles, these losers managed to oust us in the first round two years ago, and for that, they must pay. This is likely to be quite a different series than the one against the … [Read more...]
San Jose @ Kings – A Tale of Two Games
April 27, 2013 By 19 Comments
Two games matter today, and perhaps the most important one will not be played by the Kings. How St. Louis fares against Chicago will determine whether or not home ice is even a possibility for our Kings, and we should know this by the time the puck drops for the Kings game against San Jose. This will tickle you in places better left unseen, tonight Chicago is sitting... Well, almost everyone. … [Read more...]
Kings @ Sharks – It’s About Damn Time
March 14, 2013 By
Halfway through the season and there is a division rival we haven't yet faced. It's goofy, it's wrong. I knew there was a certain animosity my enjoyment of this season was lacking. San Jose, as I'm sure you know, got off to their usual rip roaring, yet meaningless start. Well, it was meaningful in that it prevented San Jose from being at the bottom of the league right now. Though they only … [Read more...]
Up Yours Superbowl – Let’s Talk About L.A. Kings and Western Conference Hockey
February 3, 2013 By
Do you know what I hate about football? Everything. Every fucking thing about this sport. It's not just because I am a hockey fanatic. It's because football is a fraud. You see, baseball at least calls itself America's pastime. Baseball therefore has the integrity to admit it is designed for lazy fucks who sit around and get fatter on hotdogs and beer while watching grown men throw a ball … [Read more...]
The L.A. Kings Have to Get in On the Scott Gomez Signing Negotiations
January 20, 2013 By
The San Jose Sharks are interested. Rumor has it even the Anaheim Ducks and Vancouver Canucks have put their slimy hands on the phone and made calls. The L.A. Kings have to get in on this. Scott Gomez is the definition of underachiever if you judge his career since the late New York Rangers years and through his time with Montreal. We are talking about a guy who was being paid a gazillion … [Read more...]
San Jose Beats Kings 6-5. Grab A Beer. We’ll Be A While…
April 6, 2012 By
It's not my custom to grab a beer once I get home at 11:45 after a game. Typically, I walk around the house, unwind and go to bed. Tonight, that won't happen. I know I won't have a voice tomorrow. Between now and sunrise, I won't have much sleep either. If you can't sleep and can't talk, might as well have a drink. My thoughts are not sequential right now so forgive the slash skating style of this … [Read more...]
LA Kings vs SJ Sharks Open Forum – It’s Now Time
April 5, 2012 By
Tonight, everything is on the line. After tonight, the next time you walk into Staples Center, the line will be crossed. The San Jose Sharks are here and with them they bring our clinching of a playoff spot. Tonight defines writing your own ticket. With a single point we can ensure that our slate is as clean as any, that our path to the Cup is no longer, no shorter than any other. With … [Read more...]
Kings Shutout Oilers: Just Enjoy
April 2, 2012 By
No post game. We are one step closer to the playoffs. One step closer to the division title. One step closer to having as good of a chance as anyone to win a cup. Just enjoy. And get ready for San Jose. Fuck San Jose. Go Kings. Oh, and as promised... … [Read more...]
And So The Last Homestand Of The Regular Season Begins: Open Forum
April 2, 2012 By
Well my friends, it's been a fun ride, this regular season. There are only two times where we will attend Staples Center this year and still possibly leave with our larynx intact. After this Thursday, the next time we visit Staples it will be not with our game faces, but with our murder faces. Did you know that if you google "game face" this pops up on the first page? You know why? Because … [Read more...]
Jonathan Quick, Robin Hood Of Hockey – Kings Shutout Sharks 2-0
November 28, 2011 By
Sometimes your offense overpowers a team, beats them into submission. Other times your defense suffocates and sterilizes, strangling what mojo the opposition has when they step on the ice. And then there are those games when a goalie simply refuses to lose. To explain what needs not be explained, Jonathan 'Robin Hood' Quick robbed the San Jose Sharks of their offensive riches and gave … [Read more...]
Winning More Games Than You Lose Is A Good Thing – San Jose Open Forum
November 7, 2011 By
To Zus, or not to Zus, that was recently a question. The answer, as we know, was not to Zus. We are Zusless. We have zip Zus. Our Zus quotient is nil. Not that it matters, as much as I do miss our mythological character or yore, as our team suck quotient remains high. We are currently a sub-.500 team. Jonathan Quick is the only King who has won more games than he has lost, and if the Kings … [Read more...]
ALL YOU NEED IS BOOBS
June 3, 2011 By
One of the cool things about running a website like this is checking out the stats and finding out how people find you. Recently, I wrote an article about the Vancouver Canucks v. San Jose Sharks game 2...you know, the one where the Canucks' fan showed her breasts. Now, you would think this would garner some attention, right? Well, to date, that article has received thousands upon thousands of … [Read more...]
BLOWUP, BLOWOUT & BOOBS: SHARKS v. CANUCKS GAME 2 HAD EVERYTHING
May 18, 2011 By
7-3. A football score...and football sucks. This game didn't. Let's recap. Kevin Bieska beats Patrick Marleau up the ice for a goal. Patrick Marleau responds later in the game by starting a fight against Kevin Bieska...and getting pounded. Kevin Bieska finishes the game with a Gordie Howe hat trick. Joe Thornton responds during the game and after the Patrick Marleau fight by … [Read more...]
WHICH OF THE FOUR SHOULD LIFT THE STANLEY CUP?
May 13, 2011 By
You've asked it. I have as well. Who do we want to lift the Stanley Cup? Tonight, I reached my conclusion. Let the best man win. WESTERN CONFERENCE THE FRAGILE PSYCHE SERIES: CANUCKS v. SHARKS Two teams with a history of underachieving in the playoffs, predicted to win it all for a few seasons, only to fall flat due to a combination of suck and luck. Who do we loathe the least? The Sharks … [Read more...]
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