Two games matter today, and perhaps the most important one will not be played by the Kings. How St. Louis fares against Chicago will determine whether or not home ice is even a possibility for our Kings, and we should know this by the time the puck drops for the Kings game against San Jose. This will tickle you in places better left unseen, tonight Chicago is sitting... Well, almost everyone. … [Read more...]
Kings @ Canucks – Six For Six
March 2, 2013 By
There are a few teams that you hate, While the Kings you'd like to felate The Canucks we despise, Like a woman's white lies But both end up harmless to those who will wait. If a Sedin sat and stared at the stars, Showing sad freckles that look more like SARS Well I'd just walk right up, And say 'look here's my Cup' 'No you can't touch it you mongoloid fuckwit, it ours.' But then ol' Ryan Kesler … [Read more...]
Up Yours Superbowl – Let’s Talk About L.A. Kings and Western Conference Hockey
February 3, 2013 By
Do you know what I hate about football? Everything. Every fucking thing about this sport. It's not just because I am a hockey fanatic. It's because football is a fraud. You see, baseball at least calls itself America's pastime. Baseball therefore has the integrity to admit it is designed for lazy fucks who sit around and get fatter on hotdogs and beer while watching grown men throw a ball … [Read more...]
Kings Finger Vancouver on Ring Night, Beat Canucks 3-2 in a Shootout.
January 29, 2013 By
I haven't yet read Jacob's pregame. He told me he predicted a Vancouver Canucks victory. I know, I know, what the fuck is wrong with him, right? He gets one final score right against the Edmonton Oilers and the Surly one thinks he is Nostradamus. Except Jacob sucks at it. Maybe tonight's victory against the Nucks will get Jacob to stop predicting losses and get back to what he is good … [Read more...]
The Home Opener About A Hockey Game – Kings vs Canucks
January 28, 2013 By
My father used to say to me "Jacob, just 'cause you killed a pig don't mean you've got bacon." Actually, I don't think that was my father. It was a girl I dated from Kentucky... something to do with our lovemaking... we had just watched Deliverance, anyways, the point is that the Sedin brothers look like pig shit. Or maybe it's that one win isn't enough. Sure we beat Phoenix and that was fun, … [Read more...]
The L.A. Kings Have to Get in On the Scott Gomez Signing Negotiations
January 20, 2013 By
The San Jose Sharks are interested. Rumor has it even the Anaheim Ducks and Vancouver Canucks have put their slimy hands on the phone and made calls. The L.A. Kings have to get in on this. Scott Gomez is the definition of underachiever if you judge his career since the late New York Rangers years and through his time with Montreal. We are talking about a guy who was being paid a gazillion … [Read more...]
Vancouver Out, St. Louis In – A Real Post Game For A Surreal Game
April 22, 2012 By
Bobby and I just finished recording the podcast, so stay tuned for that very shortly. In the meantime, what a game, what a series! To get the factual out of the way the Kings just moved on to the second round by defeating the Vancouver Canucks in game 5, on their ice, off Jarrett Stoll's overtime winner just 4:27 after regulation had ended. Brad Richardson scored the tying goal in the third … [Read more...]
LA Kings @ Vancouver Canucks Round 1 Game 5 Open Forum – End Game
April 22, 2012 By
You are worried about Cory Schneider. I know you are. You are worried about Daniel Sedin. Admit it, I won't judge. Allow me to assuage, to impart my confidence on to you. Schneider has had an easy ride. The Kings have given him many soft shots from outside the circles to casually stop. They have allowed him ample space to work his craft, unobstructed and without spears in groin or asses in … [Read more...]
Reflection Rewarded
April 21, 2012 By
I'm antsy, anxious, anticipatory, on edge and ancillary. Waiting 2 days for a game is tough. Waiting three is torturous. 4? Cruel and unusual. But my impatient qualms are my own, as I'm sure there are yours. They are not the Kings'. This long break comes at the perfect time. The Kings have split two games they have played below their level of expectation. Vancouver played to their liking … [Read more...]
History’s Lessons. May 2012 Finish What 2001 and 1993 Could Not.
April 20, 2012 By
I love history. As an American History geek, I could talk to you about the 100 year period of 1770 to 1870 for hours. I am amazed how little Americans have learned from our own history and how often we repeat the mistakes of our past. When it comes to Kings history, there isn't much to learn but far more to lament. The highlights have been few and far between. That is why you keep seeing … [Read more...]
On The Bright Side I Get To Wear New Pants
April 19, 2012 By
It is not often that I leave Staples Center after a loss reasonably content. Bobby was livid, but that was truly all that bogus 'calm' he spoke of embodying coming back to bite him. He now knows better than to feign tranquility during a playoff series. I am disappointed the Los Angeles Kings did not sweep, but last night's 3-1 loss did not put the smallest of dents in my confidence that … [Read more...]
Vancouver Canucks @ LA Kings Round 1 Game 4 Open Forum – Spring Cleaning
April 18, 2012 By
The weather is starting to turn and brings Kings' tides and fortunes along for the ride. There is only one word on everyone's mind and this time it's not an order to the maid: Sweep. Sweep the Vancouver Canucks off our ice. Sweep the Sedins back to Sweden for the summer. Sweep Ryan Kesler's feet out from under him, not that he needs any help. Sweep the Western Conference's sole Canadian … [Read more...]
Vancouver Canucks @ LA Kings Round 1 Game 3 Open Forum – Homecoming
April 15, 2012 By
I don't have much to say. I think I said too much last night. I plan to say more tonight. Well... Maybe say is the wrong term. Yell. Bellow. Scream. Twist? It could happen. Shout. Definitely. The Kings have a golden opportunity tonight, one they have not had in ages, to take a 3-0 lead on their opponent. The fact that this opponent won the President's trophy, knocked us out of the … [Read more...]
LA Kings @ Vancouver Canucks Round 1 Game 1 – Open Forum – Playoffs Be Fuckin’ On!
April 11, 2012 By
Here we go boys and girls. From their sticks to our voices to their ears, the LA Kings playoffs are about to be underway. Jeff Carter will join them. Daniel Sedin will not. Nor will I. As I will be working, I rely on you for the play by play. We will set the tempo. We will be hungry, vicious, merciless. The Canucks will be cocky, overconfident and undone. There is no other option. … [Read more...]
Canucks and Kings Seasons Do Not Matter As The Past Is History
April 10, 2012 By
If the regular season is a grind, then the playoffs are a purée. Does that make any sense? Some. But not enough for you to think about it too hard. They are just words. The Vancouver Canucks Presidents Trophy makes some sense too. But it isn't meaningful enough for you to get your neurons all twisted up. It was just a regular season. All that has happened bears not on what's to come. … [Read more...]
Fe Fi Fo None – Canucks Shutout Kings
March 26, 2012 By
I'm just going to get it out of the way; the officiating did not decide the game tonight, but holy shit was it awful. Next time the Kings play with this nitwit young referee whose name I don't want to give the credit of looking up and committing to memory, I'd like Kyle Clifford to take a shit on the opposing goalie's head, to show him what unsportsmanlike conduct really looks like. I'd like … [Read more...]
L.A. Kings vs. Vancouver Canucks: Victory!
January 17, 2012 By
November 10 wasn't that long ago. But it was a different time. A different era. The same team and a different one. From our 3-2 loss against the Vancouver Canucks on November 10: The Kings 5 on 5 failed in nearly every respect to generate quality scoring chances and getting the puck down low. Yeah, we got shots on goal but you know and I know shots from the perimeter and the point are low … [Read more...]
Tee Up The Excuses. Kings Lose 3-2 To Vancouver Canucks
November 10, 2011 By
I'll let you in on a secret. Every loss, without exception, comes with excuses. You can justify any failure, any time and for countless reasons. You can even make them sound persuasive. That is what losers do. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. We have won 7 times. We have lost 9 times. How are the season's expectations working out, Mr. Lombardi? The L.A. Kings are not playing … [Read more...]
Still Wondering What A Canuck Has To Do With Orcas
November 10, 2011 By
So I get that killer whales are drawn to the waters near Vancouver. I get that a Canuck is a sometimes derogatory, sometimes endearing term for a Canadian lumberjack. I don't know what that has to with Orcas. To me this is akin to the Kings having a pigeon as their logo. Or the Washington Redskins adopting a bunny for their jerseys. No matter how you slice it, that team in Vancouver is … [Read more...]
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